BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Wine-ing or Whining? And then there are days… July 17, 2010

When we forget….there is just no simpler way to put it. Forget or perhaps revert….to old ways that just don’t work anymore. It’s like getting stuck in the gutter lane when bowling….you’re cruising along just fine and then suddenly your tire hits the berm, and oooooh, you lean to the left hoping it won’t get stuck there, one, two lean but DAMN….too late….

You have to wait this one out….let all the old shit pile up beside you, images of the past, those insecurities which make you feel like a teenager at a dance, with your braces and flat chest. You only notice that Tim Johnson is oogling over the overly developed Rachel Winters who is unfairly busty and has the perfect figure, while you can’t figure out how or why you’re still so flat chested and wonder if you’ll EVER develop a curve.

So, as an adult you stand back and look at the funk you are in, consider your options, how long it might be to wallow in the lumpy, dissatisfied state where you sit, where your discipline for the things that normally appease your dis-ease is for the moment gone. Boredom seems like such an excuse, it’s just that a direction, for the moment, is not easily presenting itself. Sooo….you allow yourself this place, watch too many old Showtime series, open the fridge for what? an answer, you take a bath, consider the gym, snuggle next to a four legged heartbeat, straighten up the kitchen and fold some clothes. Sigh……it’s classic and unnerving.

Then you remember a rock n roll song you wrote for your play years ago, ‘I want it now’ the title. Well, of course you do sweetheart, of course you do.

This might seem funny later.

And then you remember to sit with where you are….if you can….resist a quick ‘fix’, food, drink, company, work….because this place is revealing…you’ve been here before and no, it’s not really fun, just part of life.

And what does it reveal…that being ‘here and now’ REALLY is the only place to be….the next business, review, epiphany, the next new friend, outrageous high, it’ll come when it’s time but today is this. And, with each breath and step, the next move will make itself clear, as it always does….

but come back to here is what I remember….

and if I’ve got love for myself, I no doubt have everything I need. The hungry ghost will however have NONE of that.

Isn’t an addiction just an unwillingness to be here, now?

Awwww, I’m too smart for my own good….though it does me no good just now. There is nothing to fix. I need only be…here….now.

Ouch!

So, I give myself a timeline, so, when this wallowing time is ‘up’, I will then get busy with things I can do to steer myself west from east, cause at some point, enough is damn enough.

Just breathe. A new moment…’round each corner.

But for now, I’m on a Clint Eastwood roll….’The Outlaw of Josey Wales’ beckons me and well, maybe one glass of Rodney Strong Knotty Vine Red Zinfandel, to untie a knot or two……..sigh.

Cheers!

BB Webb

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Catholics, Popeye, Filters & Honoring Your Preferences & Intent! May 22, 2010

As I continue on this road of self discovery, really, discerning who I do and don’t want hanging out in my ether space, I am at the same time cultivating a style for which to screen, negotiate and honor my sensibilities.

I’ve always not only done my best to ‘play fair’ I have from time to time put myself at risk being too….(gawd I resist this tepid, wimpish word), nice! I’d rather we all get along. Really. (Oh that nefarious need to be understood, driving me again to distraction)!!! AND, in the same breath, I have specific standards on how I endeavor to treat people and certainly how I run my business and my life. It’s all MY perogative and I exercise that free choice.

But then we have our personalities and ability or non-ability to handle stressors in our life. I’ve always been high energy, (read that as high strung, if you will)….and I value calming spirits in my breathing space…it helps me, it helps me from not mismanaging my intent to be more temperate.

Well, I’m often not! And it pains me to think that at those times I am displaying (with all DUE respect to my father), Bob Banta’s less than admirable qualities when it came to dealing with people and his temper. I don’t mean to rally against anyone, just am not as adept as I’d prefer at managing my frustration in how to better communicate, (or in my current position and role, (one I’m not best suited for), General Manager of my company), until I find someone better to do it. I prefer and am better suited for the owner/vision castor role! There are some things you just KNOW!

But, I know what needs to be done. And I beg forgiveness at not being different in these moments, though indeed wave a flag of surrender to who I am for as Popeye asserted so beautifully, ‘I yam what I yam what I yam’.

I wish I were Catholic in those moments….to either confess my imperfections to be denounced pure or to rally with the other imperfect sinners in the congregation while downing copious amounts of church wine.

Let’s face it, it’s humor that will in the end save us all….and of course dancing!

With love, cause that’s TRULY all I care to focus upon…..and with thanks to the many folks who seem to ‘GET’ BB Webb and bless their souls, still choose to tarry about in my presence. Sincerely!!

BB Webb