BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Struggle, Defining and Redefined… April 8, 2011

I began this week vetching (maybe) about what I perceive as authenticity and struggle. I am working through coaxing the first to emerge within myself organically, (yes, in a culture less accepting of differences) and I’m sitting this morning, (with gorgeous dogwood trees, my favorite, just outside my window), considering the true gifts around what feels like ‘struggle’ in ones life.

I had a moment this week, (it was more than a moment), where I felt the weight, abject heaviness of uncertainly in areas of my life I’m dealing with, feeling myself wanting to PUSH for a solution, that frankly is not quite ready to come yet.

I could feel that PART of myself rallying in her frantic, unstoppable way, with a drive I don’t enjoy, intent on getting her way…..

I am reminded here of a song I wrote in my play many moons ago, ‘Through Ruby’s Eyes’ called, ‘I Want it NOW!’ The chorus being,
‘I want it now, now, now, now, now, now, NOW!”….gee, not obtuse one bit!!

Imagine a rock n roller whose body is moving faster than her words, a physical and vocal display of youthful obstinance, petulance and hysteria!

This song coupled by the later ‘You Gotta Wait’ song. (Funny, in looking back, how clearly these messages were lining up as tiny tips of wisdom from God and the Universe channeling through me at the time, a dichotomy of sort)…

‘I Want it Now’ with ‘You Gotta Wait’.

Life IS stranger than fiction!

The chorus to the latter,
‘You gotta wait and it’ll come to you, be patient too, be patient too, it’s all right it’s okay, abandon of the safety valve, value YOU, value YOU!’

Good God! Soooo….struggle has value. It is a teacher. And if we’ll wait, wait out the petulant child, a message will come on how we might best move forward, in our OWN way, in an authentic manner which not only OTHERS will feel, but which, ohhh, if we trust, will feel right to us as well.

The magical Universe, God, All that Is, call that force he, she, it, them,what you will…..

Struggle defines us. And might I redefine struggle.

I’m so thankful to not be alone.

With love, always with love,

BB Webb

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Ooooh Mary…..sweet June 9, 2010

The power of YouTube…..google had Theresa Anderson on their main page this morning…..

a new talent to me.

Ahh the fiddle. Ahh the voice.

Makes me (and clearly), Mary, weep!

BB Webb

 

The Miracle Worker…Miss S. April 27, 2010

Every so often, a person enters your life and makes a boom of a difference.

Pat Sullivan was one of those women for me, (I’ve only had a few) and I will be forever grateful for her presence in my life. At 83 years old she’s as full of piss and vinegar as I might ever remember.

She’s dedicated her life to helping young women blossom and the affection felt for her runs through many a heart all over the world.

She cast me as Annie Sullivan in ‘The Miracle Worker’ in 11th grade and changed my life forever.

Patricia Sullivan was truly the MIRACLE WORKER and my thanks and gratitude run wider than a Cinemascope Kansas sky.

BB Webb

 

Girls….Young Women in our Culture March 28, 2010

I know the story in this short video.

My friend April introduced me to her friend who performs one of the roles in this piece.

A lovely heartful man.

We all watched it together the other weekend.

I get it. Sincerely, I do and I do and I do.

I’d like to be one of the protectors. I know how it feels to be unprotected.

I do.

If you have girls and women in your life who you care about, you might appreciate this video.

It’s time to look through a glass clearly.

The predators need the healing as well.

We all make a difference…it’s up to us what kind….of difference.

BB Webb

 

Sartre…Satie and questions for the Universe February 27, 2010

I’m waxing a bit poetic this late evening. You may want to play Erik Satie’s music below while reading. And in that it’s probably morning time for you, you may consider reading and listening with a strong cup of espresso or hot ceylon or oolong tea, sweetened just so, snugged up in a comfy chair with the sun in your lap, perhaps a curled up kitty nearby.

I was reminded of Erik Satie’s music this night and hadn’t known that he was also a writer.

Recognized as a member of the avante guarde movement in France in the late 1800s and early 1900s, I imagine him sitting with the likes of Jean Paule Sartre, (I know, Sartre would have been an infant), and maybe a young Ionesco or Samuel Beckett, drinking strong coffee on the Champs de Elysses. I’d loved to have accompanied them and tossed ideas about while stoking on cheap, thin, handrolled cigars with our feet up on the empty chairs at the table, the bustle of people moving on the street and that special European taxi honk in the background. (Oh goodness, maybe not in the late 1800s….that honk came much later). Still, much bustling going on indeed!

Some background which I found:

Sartre was influenced by many aspects of Western philosophy, absorbing ideas from Kant, Hegel, Kierkegaard, Husserl and Heidegger, among others. In 1929 at the École Normale, he met Simone de Beauvoir, who studied at the Sorbonne and later went on to become a noted philosopher, writer, and feminist. The two became inseparable and lifelong companions, initiating a romantic relationship, though they were not monogamous. Sartre served as a conscript in the French Army from 1929 to 1931 and he later argued in 1959 that each French person was responsible for the collective crimes during the Algerian War of Independence.

Together, Sartre and de Beauvoir challenged the cultural and social assumptions and expectations of their upbringings, which they considered bourgeois, in both lifestyle and thought. The conflict between oppressive, spiritually destructive conformity (mauvaise foi, literally, “bad faith”) and an “authentic” way of “being” became the dominant theme of Sartre’s early work, a theme embodied in his principal philosophical work L’Être et le Néant (Being and Nothingness) (1943). Sartre’s introduction to his philosophy is his work Existentialism is a Humanism (1946), originally presented as a lecture.

And then I found the following, written by a favored playwright of mine, Eugene Ionesco. Frankly, these words might have easily been written by me, it’s nearly verbatim how I wonder the same thing.

From Ionesco’s play, ‘The Hermit’. 1973.

“I thought that it was strange to assume that it was abnormal for anyone to be forever asking questions about the nature of the universe, about what the human condition really was, my condition, what I was doing here, if there was really something to do. It seemed to me on the contrary that it was abnormal for people not to think about it, for them to allow themselves to live, as it were, unconsciously. Perhaps it’s because everyone, all the others, are convinced in some unformulated, irrational way that one day everything will be made clear. Perhaps there will be a morning of grace for humanity. Perhaps there will be a morning of grace for me.”

These are the very thoughts that keep me up at night or howling, (in my way), at the moon. It’s why I dance every morning for at LEAST 10, sometimes 15 minutes in between putting on my make-up or fixing my unruly hair, working to tame it as I work to tame the parts of me which feel caged, roaring to move forward, lunge, leap, dive, splash or simply fly or twirl like a helicopter skyward.

And truly, are these not the things which fill your mind?

I sometimes wonder what it might be like to be an owl sitting on a limb under the moonlight questioning, ‘hooo hooooo?’

BB Webb

 

Art, Religion and the Search… January 19, 2010

I feel perhaps I’m in a most pensive stage of late….I’ve got some serious questions and some serious discerning to do. It’s almost like looking at a photo from the backside if there were such a thing. My choice is always to support the highest within whatever situation or thought I encounter. I’m finding that this thinking serves me and others well and supports the best within everyone, including myself. And to me, it’s the most loving choice and I’ve never regretted making that choice ever!

I’m reading actress Ellen Burstyn’s autobiography entitled, ‘Lessons in Becoming Myself.’ I’m thoroughly engaged in her journey which I find a bit unsettling in areas, as perhaps I relate to it in so many ways, a journey peppered with the necessary highs and lows of growth much like my own.

She asserts,

‘It was during The Trip to Bountiful that my creative energies returned to me in a flood and I had my first experience of transcendence through the creative process. By then I’d answered my own question of why, as Kazan said, ‘talent, like beauty, faces.’ It came to me in a quote from Ouspensky: ‘Art is the search for beauty, as religion is the search for truth.’ The operative word here is search. It is not in the finding; it is the search. That’s why, after an artist has won awards and received the world’s acclaim, she can make the mistake of believing that she ‘knows.’ It is not in ‘the knowing’ that the search occurs. It is a living process where creativity thrives. It is standing in the space of ‘I don’t know’ with dissatisfaction with what has already been achieved, and eagerness to open up to the unknown.’

Ellen Burstyn created a new path for women through the work she created and by way of being an example. She speaks of key areas which interest me, a universality around religious thoughts, the feminine spirit and heart, the difference between judging and discernment, our ‘mistakes’ as part of our growth primer, the power of giving from the heart, being an example of the truths to which you speak, and the necessity of going ‘within’ to find the answers we seek.

She spent time with the renowned Rosalyn Bruyere, an energy healer with whom my own mentor, Dr. Fernand Poulin has studied. Her journey into herself took many forms and she certainly traveled many miles to arrive in a place, or where she continues to arrive, evermore awake as to her purpose perhaps for being on the planet. She melds esoteric and metaphysical thought into her day to day in a way I find inspiring and thoughtful and I appreciate the questions she has asked on her journey and the transparency of her story.

I so appreciate women I learn about who might be models on my own path. My intent is to celebrate women in our world today who demonstrate and reflect a similar curiosity and heart, thereby being an example to other women (and men), on their way to ‘becoming’.

BB Webb

 

Kathy and Mo AND Buckminister Fuller…all in a day. January 17, 2010

I was asked to be on a panel years and years ago called, ‘Creating Something From Nothing.’ I could talk about that all day.

I love to look back after a creation is complete, (or are they ever, but rather, when I am ready to move on from one), to consider where it came from, what voice, spark of inspiration, what drove it into being. I used to paint and could NEVER consider the paintings DONE, I merely had to stop as my talent knew how to only take me so far.

I’m today reading about Buckminister Fuller and wish I’d had the opportunity to sit down with him over coffee, or with Ezra Pound who he came to know. I relish expanded thinking and the folks who can speak in terms of big truths, what’s really happening, the raw, REALLY transparent dialogues. Most people are busy hiding and protecting, and I understand that too. I choose to love it all for I am as ‘on the grow’ as anyone.

In his 1970 book I Seem To Be a Verb, he wrote: “I live on Earth at present, and I don’t know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing — a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process – an integral function of the universe.”


I relate well to what he says there. He had so much more to share than just his creation of the geodesic dome, which was hardly ‘just’! I’ll share more possibly on Mr. Fuller at a later date, as I am just now drinking in and enjoying his many thoughts, perspectives and ideas. New inspired thinking is like sweets, addicting and thoroughly enjoyable!

I’m considering some projects which are filling my heart, my mind, which I’m driven to explore and create. I’ve felt a noticeable shift recently, almost as though a dam, which had been curtailing movement forward, has begun to break, pieces of wood, leaves, unneeded garbage being released to allow some full monty which is in store. A different feeling for sure. I’m somehow letting go some things which ultimately don’t matter. I think as we move more resolutely and clearly within ourselves, the answers are there.

I always have stories and shows, production pieces swimming in my head…it’s just part of who I am. I lately find myself considering a live theatrical show of sorts, always with some message imbued with humor, pathos, dialogue and bits to keep folks engaged though allowing them, if I am successful in my pursuit, to take away maybe, just maybe, a worthy ‘aha’. I live for the ‘aha’….and ooooh I get them, regularly, often after great angst.

I’m finding, when I beckon something, in earnest, and if it’s meant to come my way, it always does. I’m simply allowing myself to recognize the areas that are not ready or maybe not meant to come my way. Here I get to practice a very good surrender that needs few words, though I am tempted to try to make sense of why, when I’m finding, that ‘making sense’ is not needed. I’m beginning to know this pull, (ego) and drop it. How freeing when I can!

I stumbled upon an HBO special by a dynamic duo named ‘Kathy and Mo’. Having been a solo performer a good part of my career as actress, I’m not sure how I missed them, but I did. I find their work brilliant in so many ways. Both women have superlative technique, smarts and natural instincts as actresses that blow me away. I love their topics, the humor, the way they transform, despite their sex or body type, into the most varied characters. And, they’re funny as hell.

I found the following on YouTube, one which was a part of one of their early 1990’s show. Just a taste. Fun. Funny. Honest.

I’ve a show brewing inside me and many other things. How interesting it might be to look back in about a year to see where this sneaky harbinger in time might have been leading me.

We’ll just have to wait and see, now won’t we!

BB Webb