BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Men…..Women, Hearts and Minds September 12, 2010

We all know we are different, men and women. I’m thinking today about really how we are the same, though come at our desires and needs differently. I’ll venture to say that even with sexuality, with a commensurate blend of mind and heart, men AND women seek fulfillment of pleasure, (yep, satisfaction) and connection there as well. We however need those parts satisfied in perhaps different ways, but not SO different I’ll postulate. Just thinking. (Ha)! Mind. Heart.

As a woman, I know I need to feel connection and do so through heart, dialogue, seeing someone’s eyes, listening, talking, surrounding myself with empathic folk. That’s me and many of the women and honestly, more conscious men in my circle of influence.

Our culture is high on the 3rd chakra scale…and if you don’t know what that is, look it up, they are wheels of energy, measurable energetically just as organs in our body are, spheres of energy that work within us and if they are too big (energetically speaking), turned slightly askew, (again, energetically), they can mess with our sense of well being.

(Quick side note, children historically placed on Ritalin when taught to mindfully control the energetic size of specific chakras, have managed their energy and thus behaviors differently and have been successfully taken off medication).

I know this is a tad ‘out there’ for some of you and forgive me that I have no greater language for this field of study, though I’ve studied and practiced manipulating these energies and it’s real and it’s powerful.

But back to men and women, one of my favorite topics and not much explored here (yet) in this blog. We all have a brain and logic and a heart and feeling, though the male and female brains work differently, the combination of the two, I feel, is key for a healthy and balanced WE….as far as any of us can COME to balance.

When I consider our relative dis-ease in the world these days, again, our culture being excessively ‘mind-y’….I think that perhaps we often look too hard in ONE direction and maybe not enough in another.

I had the rare privilege to partake in a poker evening with my new friend and his 6 male chums in a garage tucked away in the suburbs of Georgia. Such an enlightening experience to tuck my head in, play some cards and be a part of their world….all fascinating really. It held my interest longer than I thought it might…..mostly in seeing how we all dart and dodge, choose and pick our degree of intimacy, friendship, transparency, intensity, our lobbying (I’m talking me here as well….) for our attentions, to be heard, seen, recognized for who we are all the while playing our safe hiding games.

And then there is the unconscious in all of us.

I continue to want more than might be considered someone’s ‘share’…I allude to it as my ‘MORE’. I’m not ashamed. I don’t want a pallid existence and I want to taste a great many things….all that I might feel, yes even the uncomfortable stuff, which I find that if I make it real, I can then move past it to something more preferable. Preferable is good!

I wondered at the lives of these several men, all full of piss and vinegar and all that testosterone. I’m used to such a gang growing up with all brothers and all boy cousins. I’ve a good measure (I think….maybe), of mind-y and heart but a similar knee jerk reaction to things that sting….not always willing to just be with the feeling, consider what someone else is sharing, breathe and listen.

I could see the same with these fine men.

I wondered at the lives they live, their marriages, if they are fulfilled in their day to day. I expect a lot from myself and my quality of connection with people who matter to me.

How humbling to feel my own fears when trying to truly connect, hoping to be open, mindfully vulnerable, though know certainly we all have not always been met with understanding or open arms. So, we each develop brakes which we employ when newness insists on taking us past our comfort zones.

I hope to be an example, a mirror of openness despite my trepidations.

And, don’t we all deserve our preferences. I think so! Mine always changing as my heart (okay, and mind), will allow!

I rally for more open hearts as I’ve felt the difference in being right vs. being loving.

I’ll work to stay loving.

And thank the special people showing up in my life for being so as well.

BB Webb

(And, Happy Birthday and fond memories to my first dog, Peter PIper Shiningcliff Banta, a West Highland White Terrier. Piper would have been 48 years old tomorrow, that’s 336 in doggie years. That sweet pup taught me what a true friend is).


What’s missing… March 10, 2010

I start my day off with a cup of fresh brewed coffee…..I love the smell, the taste, the heat, the ritual and how the pot makes that inviting gurgle sound I know so well, the memories it evokes…all summoning me to this magnificent pleasure. I’m picky about my beans, the ‘cream’ I use, that it’s heated first, the cup I sip from. I like things the way I like them.

And that is okay in many cases….and in others, not so.

After I’ve fed my hounds, kitties and fish, I take my cup of joe and head back to my comfy bed to sit, back straight and I sit. I let a whirl of thoughts invade my mind. I have a strong and active mind. It needs taming. But I let it swirl about while I sip my brew.

I consider the day ahead, what I intend to accomplish, what I need to carry to the office, my meetings, what I will wear, an offshoot thought of a faraway project, if I need to scoot into the city in the evening and who I might meet, how I need to serve my team…if I need to make a lunch for later, an image of this, an image of that, a memory. Random, scattered, untamed thinking.

And then my cup is abandoned a spell and I shut my eyes, I breathe, I bring my awareness into the center of my circle, (me), (I’m usually way out ahead), and as I bring myself back into this central place, I feel something settle inside me and then I drop my awareness into my heart. A few errant thoughts work to invade, but back I come….to my heart.

As I focus on my breath and where I am in the circle of me, there is a peace, a calm, so very unlike the way I whirl about most of my days. I call this home. This is home. I feel a peace, a quiet and a confidence that I have all that I need. I need little else when I remember and practice this.

After readying for work, off I fly on four wheels, going through in my mind what needs to be covered at our team meeting, I park, pull out a needed umbrella for this rainy morning and trudge toward the pretty wooden doors of Carl House, carrying my loads of parcels and computer. I pull out my phone as I walk inside to record some ideas I have for stories I want to write and then by 8:50am, I can feel my neat, confident circle vanish. A miscommunication with a team member and too much assuming, shifting my energy in a heartbeat with this first conflict and disappointment of my day.

I next climb the 2 flights of stairs to my office, lugging my pounds and pounds of bags, (no need for bicep curls at the gym with my daily bundle), and work to answer my phone as I nearly drop my load of goods. Yet another intruder, a threatening government agency working their muscle and subtle powers of intimidation on me, (their job). Now my breathing is wrong. I’ve not been taking full breaths during these last challenging months and suddenly, the knots on my shoulders feet like hot, heavy irons and my buoyant energy from a mere 30 minutes ago has sunk to the elevator bottom and I am mired in yuck, dark, stringy, stinky muck. And it’s not even 9am!

So what’s missing…what am I not doing? What is bringing me to this off kilter manifestation so regularly of late? And I mean REGULARLY. I’m undone more often than not undone. I consider the culprits…..projections, feeling the need for safety, answers, control, to understand, to be understood, not having my expectations met. All of the above…and more!

EXHAUSTING! So what is missing?

Tonight I remembered. Surrender. So easy to do in my bed, where I am quiet, safe, uninterrupted by life. I’m finding that as I sincerely surrender, (and to me, it’s to God, the Universe, ‘All that Is’, he, she, them, it…..I don’t care… it what you will). This is not a surrender of giving up, no, not at all, it takes more strength for me to surrender than it does to muscle through ALL the ‘stuff’ I find myself sorting through in any given day. Oooh, my mind muscle is strong, seasoned in this sweet irony.

BUT, as I come back to ME, invite the guidance and support which is available to me in every moment, I find that place again, my breath, a center…and inspiration comes, an answer if I ask, in time. It has nothing to do with me driving this particular bus….I’m not the driver, it’s not up to me.

And how challenging for a ‘driver’ like myself, driving my will, ideas, my strength and inspirations, working to orchestrate how each turn is made, how each flower will blossom, each relationship might unfold. ME! The believer in magic, getting so confused with surrender and push. It happens. It’s easy I find to get confused.

Push me, pull you, push me, pull you….the merri-go-round of life.

But tonight, tonight, I re-remembered. When I release the need to ‘know’, to ‘control the outcome, but allow, (a beautiful word), I can feel the deep sadness and disappointment which follow me daily, dry up and my shoulders drop a solid inch, my breathing returns and I’m reminded of the very possibilities which I espouse.

We know everything, but merely forget. And the guidance that is available to us in the unseen, can be felt if we’ll but tune in, it is there, this I know. I’ve felt it, channeled the guidance, experienced the results, and worked the messages received into plenty.

The only thing that’s missing at times, is ME. The power of me. The power of home and all that is available if I’ll just sit there and let go the driving wheel. No hands…just trust and heart.

And how difficult as we’ve all been hurt, trusted wrongly perhaps, been bent over plenty of whipping posts or been thrown under a beer truck or two. And, it hurts. If we are open to friendship, love and possibility, it can hurt.

I think perhaps that is what I am here to learn on the planet, to keep my heart open, regardless of what happens around me…to tune into me, where all the answers, truth and guidance is found. And oh, the things that manifest if I’ll but remember, trust and practice.

‘Let go Dorothy, let go’. A good man that Oz!

There is NO place, like home.

BB Webb


Opening to the Heart…with a spirit of mystery February 21, 2010

I’m sitting with a mystery. It’s a serious one to me.

I’ve traveled with some interesting teachers my spell here on the planet. I’ve seen smarts, compassion, passion, diverse talent galore, ego and heart mixed in interesting combinations with all these teachers.

I pick and choose from what I see. I try not to expect too much, (ohhh, but I do, for I work to deliver that and MORE). I am more often than not confounded by people. I’ll leave it as a mystery and I welcome being surprised by the heart and glory of humanity.

But heart. I have friends who see me, really see into me, not just the bubbling, energetic social firefly who darts around, carries herself well and who can woe and present to a crowd, is excessively verbose, who gets tripped up on her own humanity, can go intensely dark, or who in my own relentless style, will confound or inspire, depending on the particular constitution and predisposition of any acquaintance. That too is me, but the essence, there’s more….as there is in all of us.

I see the ‘more’ in folks, WHEN I’m interested. And busy body that I am, I want to always see that MORE realized, in myself and others. And frankly, I probably need to mind my own business.

There is something in relationship to living from a ‘heart space’ that has drawn me over the years. My father was a business man, respected in a manner. I did not like his style with people. I remember him as being harsh, judgmental and prone to fits of childlike anger. He drank too much to cover his feelings. And sadly, having a tidy room was more important to his mother than learning to love. Bless his heart, truly.

I have however had a number of male mentors who have had the ability to lead and teach in a most supportive, encouraging, passionate and heartful manner, (some more than others), with all the other aspects of their lion-like maleness. These are the mentors I am drawn to most. There is a greater power, sense of ‘I am’ in these men….all of them subject to the flaws of humanity, but none-the-less, there is with each man, a bigness, confidence and level of talent or learnedness to which I am attracted, as a female for sure, but as a human being, in a detached way, more. I need that modeling for where I’m headed.

As a woman there is something to glean from the patriarchy, in select measure. The female component I know well, it is the mix of the two which compels me and leans me forward.

Other men draw near to that heart space but fear it….not ready to touch that edge, the edge which makes ALL the difference. Their lives would exude a greater peace and success, (not measured by money mind you), with the heart component more fully lived. I SEE it, want it for them, want it for ME in relating to them. Some are so close.

I endeavor to find a mix of heart with the harshness and reality of living day to day, within business and with the intent to prosper and expand in all I do. This is not ‘sissy stuff’, this is as ‘manly’, courageous and awesome as it comes. Beginner though I am, I am certain I’m on to something.

My curiosity around this mix and endeavor to model this amalgam is strong. I both don’t want to NOT care, but to care too much serves no one.

Osho continues to be an inspiration to me. Read him should you be willing to test your own positioning in life. His angle of belief intrigues and challenges me. I like a ‘beliefs’ challenge, not the kind that is just ego pushing….I’ve had enough of that and frankly am not savvy nor really wish to be in needless mind rhetoric or vague riddles, unless they come from heart…..that I’ll stay up all hours of the night pursuing, jousting, playing….there is no END to smart fun there. The other tires and bores me in time. Severely. Life hastens too quickly for vagaries. A puzzle is a different matter.

Heart pushes truth to a new level. The rawness and vulnerability within it I admire and protect. It’s more beautiful than anything I know. Sincerely. I endeavor to be a moonbeam of light in that regard. Truly.

From Osho:

The heart is the gateless gate to reality. Move from the head to the heart.

We are all hung up in the head. That is our only problem, the only one problem. And there is only one solution: get down from the head into the heart and all problems disappear. They are created by the head. And suddenly everything is so clear and so transparent that one is surprised how one was continuously inventing problems. Mysteries remain but problems disappear. Mysteries abound but problems evaporate. And mysteries are beautiful. They are not to be solved. They have to be lived.

Mysteries ARE beautiful. I want to see the cocoon blossom into a butterfly. I want to combine the attributes of female and male (we have each in us), in a way that forges a new way of being in the world, in business, in relationship to others.

And I leave an opening ALWAYS to be surprised by how people choose to grow and blossom.

May the mysteries unfold.

BB Webb


A Life of Pleasures…why not? February 6, 2010

I indulged in Elizabeth Berg’s ‘A Year of Pleasures’ today. Some background: The main character Betta, recently lost her husband. In the dialogue which follows, Betta is speaking with her friend Maddy, (they’re newly reunited old pals), having learned that Maddy’s eleven year old daughter died diving into the shallow end of a pool. When referring to the pain, Betta asserts,

‘So you just…blocked it out.’

Maddy replies,

‘Oh, God, no. No. Of course not. You can’t to that, even if you want to. But what I’m talking about is…well, I think that deep sorrow can make for a kind of …unloosening. You can get reoriented in a really important way. Losing Molly reminded me of how beautiful life is. I know it’s counterintuitive, but it’s true. The horrible stuff? I think it’s all a necessary part of the great pageantry.’

I then flipped over to ‘The Untethered Soul,’

(a most indulgent weekend of books, silk jammies, solitude, lounging with livestock, (my weekend away postponed to another time), great snacks and spontaneous napping….okay, and some work)

….and read,

‘Likewise, when your mind starts telling you what you have to do to make everything inside okay, don’t buy into what it’s telling you. The truth is, everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything. And that’s the only time everything will be okay.’

Worthy food for thought thinks I. Ponder that a spell, or rather, just sit and don’t think.

Try it. Damn!

We are not our mind.

BB Webb