BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Sartre…Satie and questions for the Universe February 27, 2010

I’m waxing a bit poetic this late evening. You may want to play Erik Satie’s music below while reading. And in that it’s probably morning time for you, you may consider reading and listening with a strong cup of espresso or hot ceylon or oolong tea, sweetened just so, snugged up in a comfy chair with the sun in your lap, perhaps a curled up kitty nearby.

I was reminded of Erik Satie’s music this night and hadn’t known that he was also a writer.

Recognized as a member of the avante guarde movement in France in the late 1800s and early 1900s, I imagine him sitting with the likes of Jean Paule Sartre, (I know, Sartre would have been an infant), and maybe a young Ionesco or Samuel Beckett, drinking strong coffee on the Champs de Elysses. I’d loved to have accompanied them and tossed ideas about while stoking on cheap, thin, handrolled cigars with our feet up on the empty chairs at the table, the bustle of people moving on the street and that special European taxi honk in the background. (Oh goodness, maybe not in the late 1800s….that honk came much later). Still, much bustling going on indeed!

Some background which I found:

Sartre was influenced by many aspects of Western philosophy, absorbing ideas from Kant, Hegel, Kierkegaard, Husserl and Heidegger, among others. In 1929 at the École Normale, he met Simone de Beauvoir, who studied at the Sorbonne and later went on to become a noted philosopher, writer, and feminist. The two became inseparable and lifelong companions, initiating a romantic relationship, though they were not monogamous. Sartre served as a conscript in the French Army from 1929 to 1931 and he later argued in 1959 that each French person was responsible for the collective crimes during the Algerian War of Independence.

Together, Sartre and de Beauvoir challenged the cultural and social assumptions and expectations of their upbringings, which they considered bourgeois, in both lifestyle and thought. The conflict between oppressive, spiritually destructive conformity (mauvaise foi, literally, “bad faith”) and an “authentic” way of “being” became the dominant theme of Sartre’s early work, a theme embodied in his principal philosophical work L’Être et le Néant (Being and Nothingness) (1943). Sartre’s introduction to his philosophy is his work Existentialism is a Humanism (1946), originally presented as a lecture.

And then I found the following, written by a favored playwright of mine, Eugene Ionesco. Frankly, these words might have easily been written by me, it’s nearly verbatim how I wonder the same thing.

From Ionesco’s play, ‘The Hermit’. 1973.

“I thought that it was strange to assume that it was abnormal for anyone to be forever asking questions about the nature of the universe, about what the human condition really was, my condition, what I was doing here, if there was really something to do. It seemed to me on the contrary that it was abnormal for people not to think about it, for them to allow themselves to live, as it were, unconsciously. Perhaps it’s because everyone, all the others, are convinced in some unformulated, irrational way that one day everything will be made clear. Perhaps there will be a morning of grace for humanity. Perhaps there will be a morning of grace for me.”

These are the very thoughts that keep me up at night or howling, (in my way), at the moon. It’s why I dance every morning for at LEAST 10, sometimes 15 minutes in between putting on my make-up or fixing my unruly hair, working to tame it as I work to tame the parts of me which feel caged, roaring to move forward, lunge, leap, dive, splash or simply fly or twirl like a helicopter skyward.

And truly, are these not the things which fill your mind?

I sometimes wonder what it might be like to be an owl sitting on a limb under the moonlight questioning, ‘hooo hooooo?’

BB Webb


So evolved life fulfilled. January 13, 2010

I was chatting with my pal 2Lu this evening. We were sorting through all manner of events and feelings and goals pronounced from the last few weeks….a time for rich growth for sure.

And, on January 15th, Mercury resumes its forward movement, we will experience a solar eclipse, and there will be a new moon….all on the same day! Our movements forward apparently have all manner of support….skipping lightly if we choose into our new realities. And why not!….research it all if you have the desire.

Take a moment and perhaps you can sense the shifts. I am waking up several times in the middle of the night with great energy, visions, creative musings making it difficult to fall back to sleep.

So, my friend and I were considering a life well lived and on whom we might rely.

We came down to the thought that when all is said and done, it is on ourselves we must rely.

…acknowledging perhaps the divine within us as coach and guide.


How evolved to actually relish our stay and our connection to God while on the planet.

And then we thought we might assign an acronym to help us remember.

S.E.L.F. So Evolved Life Fulfilled.

We must fulfill our lives by ourSELF as it’s up to NO one but me or you to find satisfaction and fulfillment during our sojourn here. Acknowledging our spiritual selves while living within our human bodies we considered was key. The ‘fulfilled’ part, I feel is the part which resonates, connects with the vibration of God, that unexplainable force we sense and know somehow. What else might we need?

Friends and people we love are a bonus! The ones who stick with us and who come and get you when in need, all adding color to our selves fulfilled.

And with that, we got so giddy with our pronouncement and declaration between the two of us, I convinced my friend to come to Italy with me for a brief sojourn, with a 26 hour layover on our way back in Paris, to celebrate. To celebrate our lives, our growing consciousness and the opportunities we see at every turn in the road. (and how fun as she’s never left the United States)!

Joi de Vivra! Viva la difference! Viva la Italy and France!

And so it is! Life fulfilled at every corner….should we choose. And may the ones we most love come join us! Cause ain’t it all about love. I think! Choose well.

And it just doesn’t get much better than Bonnie Raitt and John Lee Hooker singing, ‘I’m In the Mood.’ Lord yes…yes!!! As well we should be…for all good things!

BB Webb


Big-ness, opportunity and our evolving January 10, 2010

I have a lot on my mind and in my heart this Sunday.

I’m receiving over the last several weeks something that I’ll refer to as a lesson in ‘biggness’. I’ll do my best to explain though may be limited just now with the right use of words. I trust that you will quickly tune out should this line of thinking just not be your ‘thing’….I would most surely understand.

Dinner Time in Normandy....a trip that rocked my world.

Let me start first with the following quote from a book I adored and read, ironically just before a transforming trip to France on my own spiritual quest.

“You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.” – Character in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ by Elizabeth Gilbert

She just might very well be right!

While in France, I hung out with a most interesting group of 32 Dutch folks, swarthy, bold, smart and courageous in their pursuits of truth and healthy relationships with others and themselves. (and more open in ways than I might EVER be).

A mix of business folks, one architect, healthcare workers, a therapist or two, teachers, writers, seekers, dreamers, folks looking for a path that might suit them. And me, the only American person who my new friends kindly translated to throughout the entire three weeks I was there, living on a 40 acre French horse farm, staying in the front sleeping area, 10’x10′, of a horse trailer.

Me in Italy, I get it!! Yum.

For those who have not read Ms. Gilbert’s book, she is a writer who lived (lives) in New York, experienced a disheartening divorce, fell quickly in love with another man and allowed her heart to be broken, yet found he was a catalyst (of course), to where she needed to go, pursued her dream of learning Italian and tasting all the culinary delights in Italy, (hence the weight gain, referenced below!), [then off to an Ashram in India where she confronted her limited Western thinking and got her butt and all her seven chakras kicked,

Elizabeth Gilbert with her spiritual mentor in Bali.....oh yeah.

and finally she got a celestial message to ‘visit Bali’ as there was a healer man with whom she was to work.

She did work with this quite querulous old, old Balinese spiritual mentor, (Ketut), and in the interim, met a Balinese healer woman, (Wayan), each woman subsequently catapulted changes in one another’s lives and then finally, in the most uncanny and beautiful way, she met a man with whom she fell in love, different from any sort of ‘love bond’ she’d experienced and equally different was how they shared their lives together, each living on different parts of the planet with many other interests and commitments. And ooh the connection and oooooooh, the torrid love scenes. Oh yeah! Bali-high!

A fun read, inspiring in moments, funny as hell and well, it reminded me a little and a lot of my own life and journey.

My Balinese Healer pal, Wayan, after a rousing 2 hour 'healing' session that well, got things 'moving' and soooo much more!!

How ironic, or not, that less than a year after that, a trip to Bali, Indonesia was presented to me, which I took earlier this year, and without trying I ran into and was ‘worked on’ by the very healer woman mentioned in Ms. Gilbert’s book. (Had I not been so terribly constipated I may never have met her…awwww bless your ‘distractors’, every one)!!

An interesting Blog note talking about another woman’s visit to Wayan here.

I resonated so with Elizabeth Gilbert’s journey, her humanness, her search for something more, the opportunities which met her on her path, the heartache, challenges, (weight gain….LOVED that chapter)!! I hope as well for similar, enlightened, fulfilling ‘endings’, though frankly don’t see life as really having ‘endings’, so allow me to rephrase, ‘peaceful, fun, fulfilling moments’. This thinking leads me to the idea of ‘bigness’ and how ANY moment can be just that!

I wonder then, is it a coincidence that another pal just invited me to visit her at her villa in Italy in February? Oooh, I’m probably just making stuff up here. But, I’m BB Webb, I can! Though I will see if there is anyway I can go….it’ll all be in the timing as I have some key initiatives currently filling my plate, yet I appreciate the opportunities presented to me at every turn. Perhaps they mean nothing, perhaps they mean everything….I don’t know, yet I relish each one.

Sri-Chinmoy, leader and visionary, memorialized in this statue, his mission, to spread love and peace throughout the planet. A 'loving kindness' sort of mission. This taken at one of many, many glorious Balinese sanctuaries throughout the island.

World Peace Dreamer

Back to bigness. True ‘bigness’ is entirely humble. It doesn’t blame, it doesn’t hide. It is self actualized in a way I don’t think I’ve experienced very much in anyone I’ve met….as yes, we’re human….many of us working to achieve this presence of being. I’m not talking ‘big’ as in rich, famous, popular, certainly not muscles or butt, or anything to do with ego here, at all, big in a more spiritual context maybe, expanded. (Oh, I’m in deep now).

Bigness I feel has something to do with allowing. Allowing the world to shift and move about you while you stay centered within yourself, truly centered, not affected by what swirls about around you. Something also about not having an attachment to an outcome or a ‘way’, your success or your failure, who likes you, who doesn’t, who ‘gets what you’re after’ or who doesn’t. It has something to do with surrender, surrender not in giving up, (certainly), but in allowing life to be as it is, not fighting against it, for to me, that is a misplaced ego.

I feel most of the time miles away from this, in my estimation, more enlightened state of being. And lately, gallaxies’ from it, though am aware. And that is key! That state of being, I feel, can move mountains, blaze unimagined trails….and I’m ALL for that!

Bigness I feel also has something to do with compassion, something I’d like to develop more of within myself, and it’s clearly the work I am wanting to uncover, embrace and share with the world. It has something to do with playing in the middle of our fears, hurt and disappointment on one hand, AND our hopes, desires and the things we strive for, on another.

Biggness does not say ‘no’, it does not make one thing right and another thing wrong. It somehow accepts what is and moves to an awareness that transcends all the feelings associated with whatever happens in our lives and watches, watches and stays neutral in terms of right or wrong, yet merely chooses a personal right action. Everyone’s right action being perfect for where THEY are.

I’ve travelled a lot and I watch people, take workshops, read all manner of books and engage in this or that, working really to sort through what ‘truth’ feels right to me. I’m learning as I watch so many different people and cultures, explore their own styles and beliefs and work toward really what I feel is rightful action and a connection to something bigger than me, the small me, but connected perhaps to the bigger ‘ME’, to ‘all that is’, a God mind of sorts; I watch and I don’t jump in as ‘follower’ but sift through the parts that resonate with what feels right to me.

So, bigness, bigness to me is moving away from an attachment to one way or another, but rather learning to feel ‘a’ way that fits who we are, where we happen to be in our development and in concert with our internal vision and soul mission.

I want to play ‘big’, in this arena, and not rule much of anything out….I am not a ‘no’ person. I am aware of when I judge and love something or dislike something else. I’m working to stay in the middle. I may have my preferences, but they are just me and feel right for who I am at this point in time, my soul, in this existence, wearing these shoes, living in this part of the world, right now. Tomorrow I will no doubt be somewhere else, at least slightly, (maybe a brief sojourn in Umbria)???…or not? It doesn’t matter. Every thing is always coming or going, coming or going.

I’m considering the greatest gift from my last few weeks is knowing better the truth for which I stand, today, open to change with each new person I meet and adventure I live. And, I’m working to to allow others to just be who THEY are. But it’s still a real effort to be in this place…my heart is not trained well, yet, in this way of being.

Ultimately who we need is OURSELVES. Peace within ourselves, knowing we have a connection to the divine, I know this, though when shoved up against my weak spots, my humanity, when I’m scared or terrifically sad, I momentarily forget.

‘Assume a virtue if you have it not.’ William Shakespeare

Here’s to all good things.

BB Webb