With the cool weather I’m back to my favorite several mile trek taking a little over an hour to cover the ground I choose. It’s good time for me, moving, breathing, allowing my mind to wander as it will. And, like getting a good night of sleep, I wonder, ‘how is it I forgot how good this feels. When did I stop doing this?’
I opted for no music this evening, needing to sort through a pile of thoughts, feelings, things going on at work, in my personal life, considering how to do the many things I SAY are important along with the things which ARE important in managing my business, health, attitude, ‘needs’, desires, curiosities, passions, creative or otherwise. I suppose it’s all rather subjective.
I recall my best pal Lulu, (you’ve heard me no doubt say it before), have no expectations and you won’t be disappointed.
I’m considering, how do we best take care of ourselves? From there, it seems the rest is icing. I like icing but too much makes me sick so I’d best stay with a healthy dose of what I can provide me. That’s where I am today.
And during my walk I found my brain messing about with the word fall. Fall as in autumn and falling, falling down, falling in love, leaves falling. And fell…..and this is how queer the mind, (ok, mine), can be……follow this if you dare, (and certainly feel free to ‘fall’ out as you will….)
I considered the words ‘fell’. How close it is to feel. Fall, containing the word ‘all’….backwards llaf, laugh….Laughing at it all as I fall, fall, fall and how I feel, falling and all, laughable the feeling of it all, fell, ELF…Elfen it all, this falling while feeling it all, the all, be all, end all, the lefs falling and how it felt, this fall…..
I had to make myself stop. (Frankly I often worry myself with this brain-heart combo). Circles and circles we can go with no place to go at all. And here is the world in which I find myself….TODAY.
And then to realize it’s all inside us….everything we need, the satisfaction of our desires, really. Falling in love with what is, and ourselves JUST AS WE ARE….this moment then the next….deciding where we need to go or be in any given moment…be it roundabout, home, (inside yourself) or no where at all. The choices are as varied as m&ms in a bag.
And I wonder at the feelings which in any given day can swarm me like locust on a field of (whatever the hell locusts eat), insistent and penetrating.
So I saged my house because it makes me feel good, a ritual I get and it smells delightful to me. It’s my way, felt right. I imbued the smoke with intentions of love, peace, prosperity and joy and wondered at why that is so difficult at times for me to embrace.
So, to bed early as there is nothing more to be done this day, but give thanks, love on my animals, thank the people who both challenge me and the ones who for some reason or another love me, honor the day and the blessings which are mine.
Humbled, as usual and eager to FALL to sleep and preferable STAY there awhile.