BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

No, not a meltdown…. June 20, 2011

….maybe I’m in need of a Cool Off at this point in my day.

My dog Ernie woke me by jumping on my bed, (pretty much not allowed) at 5am. I remember seeing a small tick on my sheets the other evening after he did the same thing and POPPED out of bed this morning determined to not awaken with a grey tick engorged on my forehead.

Awwww, that’s gross.

The day has tumbled about in a gray, mired, misery and though I know that IT, like a bloated belly, (damn, I’m full of the fun images today), passes…..I’m just not able to get my arms around things in a matter I prefer today and I’m uneasy.

So, I’ll allow a venting of sorts though will mostly take it out on a loooong evening fast walk up and down hills tonight. I’m sort of pissed.

Pissed when people fall short of expectations, or when I fall short of my own.

Upset when disconnects bring back memories that have NOTHING to do with what might be currently disconnecting.

Weary, perhaps of my mind and her shuffling about periodically with doom and gloom, certainly after rallying for YEARS now on such a different path.


But, I am human, I fall short, I forget and most of all, I’m DOG TIRED.

Well, fitting all that, with the early morning doggie wake up call.

Tomorrow, a new day to appreciate the NEW people I met today, (some terrific ones), the work done, the efforts rallied and that I’m here, on the earth to explore, create, meet neat folks, stumble and get up to try again. And, maybe fall in love.

BB Webb

 

And if I were a dog… February 20, 2011

Not just any dog…one of MY dogs.

My boy, Ernie.

I’ve begun posts and abandoned them of late…my groove is shifting as am I. Like plates on the earth, my worlds are overlapping. I can’t seem to get enough sleep and am easily distracted, not off my game, but rather, my ‘game’ is changing. This I know for sure.

I find myself looking for comfort but there is none, so I work on being with what is, remembering that things are always shifting and this space in time is only that. I liken it to the clouds building before a rain, pregnant with dense air and anticipation. Nothing satisfies until the rain comes, the next bit of clarity, the new horizon.

In the meantime I endeavor to curb my impatience. Clarity, like a new day, will come…in time.

My reminder this evening came when walking in a nearby field with my dogs. The skies were gray, nearing dusk. I had to pull myself from my comfortable sofa where sleep lately pulls me like waves into the current. I feel drugged lately with a slight inertia and fog. Off for some exercise before dark. It was Bert, my athletic brown and black pup who reminded me that it’s all in the moment. His every move is joyful, heartful, open, loving… in the moment…not worried about tomorrow, concerned, anxious….just there. He sleeps when he’s tired and given the opportunity, runs and plays.

And then Ernie, my blondie, as he sits, just sits near me, watching, breathing, sitting, then sleep, outside with excitement, back in, a thrill, nothing really but being where he is, not off in the future, fretting over the past.

And so it is. Pretty much!

What great reminders of what is possible if one will but allow it.

BB Webb

 

And so it goes…drip, drip, drip. November 28, 2010

One drip of consciousness into the next….our slow awakenings. Mine come slowly and then periodically, in solid and sudden bursts. BOOM! We see. We hear. We know. We know, on NO uncertain terms we see ourselves, our path anew. And the awkwardness of ambivalence and compromise leaves. The choice to love oneself becomes stronger than our ability to negotiate less.

And as I came to that realization this week in saying goodbye to one part of myself, I could feel my heart open in a new way…with love, acceptance and a compassion for all the differences I see within me from others, with others from me. There is no right or wrong REALLY, merely preferences. Preferences. We hold our pasts, our wounds so very closely until one day, with any luck, we don’t. And then the great yawn, the taking in of breath we didn’t know we had and suddenly our dance with life changes.

I’m all for expansion and possibility, but that’s an old song….energetically imbued in my soul…..I must merely remind myself from time to time…when I get caught up in my own forgetting, earth bound, when I’m not listening.

Choices and then more choices. And with choices….necessary losses, gain, discovery, always some heartache as we become attached to things we’ve enjoyed and loved. Yet, when the decision to move is correct we know it and despite the heartache that might go with it, we know, we know, anything less is in time intolerable. Still the heart hurts with these times of letting go.

I’ve experienced so many. From time to time I feel myself drawn back to a memory, perhaps it’s the ‘dream’ of what something more…more in terms of peace, fulfillment, ease. I’m beginning to trust myself more wtih each passing year, and these decades are mounting in this life of mine. I am trusting more the reasoning of my heart, if there could be such. It’s more the knowing of this strong and aging heart, what brings my passions to light.

Vigilant Ernie and Wylie Pete stand ready for whatever is next!

We have support around and within us which never leaves. We might forget, but it is ALWAYS there.

As a reminder of that, my earthly guardians protect me outside my window….ever vigilant, full of love. Or maybe they just want inside.

Don’t we all. Want inside. Inside what matters. Inside our own skins, living a personally authentic existence this time through?

I do. How heavenly to have a morning with the sun pouring in my window, strong coffee, the warmth of my furnance and me, just me for now. Time to breathe, to consider, to express gratitude for the people, opportunities and ‘things’ which grace my world. Surely. Surely and indeed.

With thanks and then more of it. Where EVER will this day take me….far and beyond and yet right here at home, inside myself.

Drip, drip, mouth watering drip!

BB Webb

 

A morning in my office June 29, 2010

Freedom of choice is a good thing….a VERY good thing when you can manage it.

We’re all responsible for our choices, eh!

I’m liking mine today. Me and Ernie ‘at the office’….(you will see my computer screen in the distance).

I am filled with gratitude.

BB Webb

 

We’ve a little rule at my house…. June 20, 2010

Filed under: LIfe — BB Webb @ 10:41 am
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everyone must do their best to get along.

Ernie and Lester...gettin along

BB Webb