BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Worth repeating. March 25, 2011

Be the change….

Be the change….

Be the change….

Symbols everywhere. Open those precious eyes. It’s all here for us. Be the change you want to see!

Be the change.

Really, all one has to do to transform their life, is remind themselves to think and behave a little bit differently, each day.

Rainbows,
The Universe

With love, BB Webb

Advertisements
 

Communication is the Response You Get March 19, 2011

I am frustrated in this moment. I don’t like the feeling of disconnect when I am working in earnest to share a perspective, create a solution when asked, or have a moment of rest……and I am tired. The lists travel into my future like adding machine read outs….one into the next, into the next until my sight is blurred.

And IF communication is indeed the response we get, this thought is one to ponder. If when chatting with someone after being asked a question, if my response is not getting the response she wants or needs, is it ME who is not hearing or does the speaker need to rephrase or put her defenses aside, or me MINE, to better hear what is being spoken from either end.

I know only that when someone storms away after my dismissing the situation in frustration, (surely not the BEST strategy for peace), leaving it to them to solve, feeling my response unvalued or really not wanted, I am at a loss and feel anger at the lack of connect.

But I know what falls below anger. It is hurt, disappointment and sadness. I ask then, ‘what does this exchange remind me of’? When have I been here before. How is this person reflecting something from my past which makes me feel helpless, hopeless and in that moment, so very powerless.

I’ll send to them instead a prayer for peace and connection. I will communicate in other ways, energetically, with love and hope, hope that her shields as mine will drop to reach the heart of not just the matter, but the heart, which rules the mind when we can for a moment set the mind aside.

Ego is fear. Heart is not. Heart is love and I pray for mine to expand into greater tolerance and acceptance with each challenging communication I encounter.

I know my heart, my intent and boundaries. And if communication is the response we get….I’ll work both to hone and improve mine and let go the energies which don’t serve me. I am reminded too that a defensive nature is only a protective measure to our wounded parts. And, I am reminded the power of ‘I’ statements and how we give away our power with statements such as ‘you did this’, ‘you did that’. Just thinking….with some smoke drifting so evidently from my ears!

And, thank you to my distractors, for without the ‘rub’ I’d not have a barometer to so profoundly notice and measure my growth.

Peace.

BB Webb

 

About Face, Facebook…and other ‘Not So Honeymoon Tales’ November 20, 2010

I’m working on a new talk which I’m eager to get out and about throughout not just my neck of the woods, in and around Atlanta, but globally somehow. And yes, in PERSON, not just over the Internet Super Highway!

I believe in FACE to FACE communications! With that, I’ll be speaking about how we relate to one another in this day in age….how things have changed with the advent of the internet. There have been positive changes and I feel there have been LESS than positive changes afoot.

I’m embroiled in a not so favorable result of such ‘non face-to-face’ communication despite my efforts. It’s all so absolutely unnecessary but none-the-less, where I sit TODAY.

My talk will speak on keeping things personable, but not taking things so PERSONALLY. Having taken an enormous financial risk beginning my business seven and a half years ago, and having put in a copious number of hours of unimaginable sweat equity, and doing so even these seven and a half years later, it’s challenging at times for me to NOT take things personally. My business in a sense is ‘my baby’.

I revel most in the lessons learned and give thanks to each and every lesson which comes my way….and I’ll say ‘lucky me’ as they come nearly daily if I am paying attention. I endeavor to be part of good SOLUTIONS, not contribute more to heady, unnecessary PROBLEMS!

I personally have experienced (lately), the assault of internet communication and thrashing over Facebook and other wedding websites by a client. This particular (now former) client, has never met me in person, has never taken the time to set an appointment with me or answer my email or offer through her mother to call me, (as suggested) so I might PERSONALLY handle any disruption or miscommunication. Instead, this person who contracted with me has banned with her family and made the choice to bad mouth me, my company and my hard working team on FACEBOOK.

I’ve said it before and will repeat, I (as my team) are far from perfect, but anyone with an ounce of reasonable-ness will know very quickly that our intent is to serve and to exceed expectations.

I wonder if I were to sit with this young person, to look into her eyes, to understand her needs, fears, concerns and challenges in life, I wonder if I might be able to speak with her woman to woman to gain a mutual respect and compassion.

I wonder too if she might better ‘GET’ that my working on average 12-15 hours a day, often 7 days a week, that I am serious about doing good business. I wonder if she might better realize that borrowing LARGE amounts of money to start a company, that as a single woman who has a passion for serving people, I’m not out to do anyone a disservice, but much to the contrary, I have put everything at risk to do right by people!

I am concerned that this group of much younger people, accustomed to online communication and not the face-to-face sort I grew up with, do not consider the good manners of communication and how careless rants and thrashings of an individual or business can impact many lives. I’m uncertain why people choose to judge and hate, to wallow in the negative, unwilling to work toward positive resolution, especially when a conversation and willingness is offered them.

I feel they use their power recklessly and that sadly it won’t serve them well as they move forward in life. This saddens me deeply.

I consider too the people I’ll reach from this incident now that I have been impacted. The positive changes I might make now that I am personally aware of the hurt and damage this cowardice, you might call it, can do, instead of choosing to engage instead in respectable, courteous communication, one-on-one.

I am thankful to know who I am, strengths and weaknesses and to feel the rally of my colleagues, mentors, community leaders, clients and team.

I don’t and won’t play at that level, though I promise those whose livings, whose future events, the banks and service providers who I support through my business, (and rely on), that I will not sit quietly when the host of people I support is challenged.

Would this person act more considerately, kindly, professionally, respectably if they knew the heart of my intent and good will? Perhaps if she’d had the wherewithal to contact me personally, she might, but sadly that opportunity was forfeited and her comments directed to bad mouth me and my good name and that of my company was her choice.

I regret her unwillingness to work toward positive resolution. In the end I send only healing thoughts and a heightened consciousness to someone filled with such hatefulness and anger. It’s ironic to me as well, when people come to me with their entitlement and anger and then seem compelled to mention that they are ‘good Christians’.

This is perhaps one of the reasons I’m not much of a ‘joiner’. I’d rather someone walk with me throughout a day or week or month and THEN, then, when they have seen better who I am, feel free to judge, but kindly do me the respect to at least sit with me first in conversation, look into my eyes, find out a little who I am.

Good will to the world! We certainly need it. And Facebook….about Face to you….might you be used to create friends and alliances, not to destroy the potential for humanity to come together in good ways.

As a side note…I was asked by a National Magazine, ‘Perfect Wedding Guide’ to speak on this very topic in March. I’m so very HONORED to do so. Stay tuned as there is more, more and even MORE to come.

And thank you for these tormenters for prompting this initiative in me. I will ALWAYS find a silver lining. And I’m WELL aware, that it’s a choice to do so!

BB Webb

 

Blue Skies and it’s sometimes not what you say… June 15, 2010

…but what you DON’T say that can be harmful.

Communication is ticky. (ticky being a new favorite word).

I was told by someone once….’communication is the response you get’.

I don’t know if I entirely agree with that.

For instance, I might say to you, ‘damn this workshop blows’.

You might look at me aghast that I’d be so blunt and possibly consider me rude. You might like the darn workshop and my comment might make your eyebrows climb high on your head.

Or, you might start laughing like a hyena because you don’t normally hear me talk in that manner.

So, communication may be the response you get, but that feels like a cop-out statement, almost like saying,

‘the sky is blue though when it’s grey it’s not’.

Speaking of blue sky, my brother Jeffrey, (5 years older, business bloke turned full time skier/horseman/builder of greenhouses/growing vegetables with his wife, Glo). We chatted this morning….me in the heat of business and the rich turmoil soup it seems to keep stirring, and he, well, look at the view out HIS back window, just outside of Bozeman, Montana.

Brother Jeffrey's view out his back window!

And then there is my current landscape, I woke today after a busy weekend of work, and decided to hold court and conduct business from this very spot awhile. Bed, computer, kitty-cat. Nice.

I often wonder where I’ll be in 5 years.

BB's world view most early mornings.

Life IS stranger than fiction. For sure.

I’m looking forward to a welcomed diversion from my current work routine. I feel it coming.

(this line to be sung please)….’I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready!’

And meanwhile, consider making yourself a tad vulnerable and tell someone you care for, that you care for them. Communicate it however you want, but be CLEAR.

You could change the world with that small gesture of love and kindness. You could!

I’ll extend my own blessing to the world in ho’opononpono tradition:
‘I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you’.
Truer words might never be spoken.

BB Webb

 

Yes, communication IS the response you get… February 19, 2010

I’m a connector. I like to connect with people….rather, it feels lovely when I do. It could be a quick glance, a knowing recognition with someone you pass on the grocery aisle. It might be a conversation that goes deep and wide with a dear friend, some commonality with a colleague, an argument sharing real passion and belief. And play, play with the right play pal is oodles of fun, smart rhetoric….it’s all engaging to me, keeping me on edge and a little hungry. Challenging perhaps. Fine indeed.

It’s alive and so real, so fertile. To connect takes time…not a lot necessarily, but some. And to me, it’s worth it.

And pseudo communication interests me not at all. Either dive in or let’s enjoy silence. Be present or go eat a sandwich with your puppy dog. (Dogs are phenomenal communicators by the way, with no end to the conversations. Take time, notice, you won’t need tv or movies).

I’m thinking today how different we all are with how we communicate. I’m a ‘sit down let’s sort through things’ person, until I can feel my way in a situation. It’s probably why I write and write….sorting, tossing, turning around ideas.

I like when I feel what I call a small glow, a wave of lovely energy between me and whomever. I like that. It’s like hitting the right song on the radio….after moving the dial back and forth…..yeees, THAT song…..A dialogue needn’t end in agreement either…but perhaps a mutual respect for making the effort to see and hear the other person in a way that works for them and you. That’s BINGO for me.

But not everyone needs that glow, they find their peace other ways or maybe have a trust I don’t have, or have yet, perhaps it’s a confidence or maybe it’s just not that important, I’m not totally certain.

I do know that whatever I end up sharing in a more public way with the world will not be about me, not at all, but rather a mirror which others can take as they choose, or not. But HOW it’s communicated will be key…I’ll need be a maestro with my notes, singing my words in the right key, perfect pitch and rhythm to have the impact desired.

Communication is an art and needs to be practiced to achieve the greatest result. And if plan A doesn’t get the message across, it’s time to work through the alphabet. This I KNOW, as communication is the response you get!!

I remember my Grandpa Fuzzy speaking more loudly if someone didn’t understand what he said. It wasn’t the volume that needed adjusting, just the messaging.

Then again, I was reminded to celebrate when on a larger scale, the messages are successfully disseminated, not to worry how it is received, the reviews or applause won’t matter…each person will take what they need, or not. Sometimes you paint a painting and you must discern an end at some point. It is the intent and execution made with love and truth which matters.

Truth and love matter. And having an open heart willing to listen.

Well, like tuning into the radio….the right frequency. And the reception! Do you hear me?

It’s there if you want it! Yes it is!! And I want it!

Just listen….Joni knows!

BB Webb

 

Knowing your heart. October 8, 2009

A photo....of Carl House, taken by me, BB Webb

A photo....of Carl House, taken by me, BB Webb

Knowing your heart. At the end of the day, we answer only to ourselves and perhaps our higher power. As I go to bed I review my day and assess, have I endeavored to be loving, purposeful, living my life ‘on’ purpose, doing what my soul is meant to do. Some days I feel more on target than others. Other days I am impatient with my humanity. But, I am owner of it all. And my aim is to do good, to be a servant of sorts, using my skills and passions to create good. Each night I can go to bed knowing my intent is always, ALWAYS strong and in that vein.

The internet and communicating, stretching what we think and know, publically, is intriguing to me. I am now a part of the Blog movement and experiencing the world in a new way. I’m finding that being transparent, open and honest about who we are, strengths, foibles, all of who we are, takes guts.

I am not sure how other people live their lives though I know that being hurtful and negative serves no one. I am reminded of the story of the man who had a print shop close to a downtown area in a big city. He was a man of meager means, working to pay his rent, service his customers, to do good in the way he knew how. Again and again the neighbor boys would turn over his trash and paint obscenities on the outside wall of his building. Week after week this man would clean up the garbage and wash the paint off his wall. This went on for months.

I don’t remember the exact details of the story, but the long and the short of it was, he came upon the boys doing their thoughtless acts and instead of yelling at them, he surprised them and asked, ‘which one of you is the great painter,’ as one of the boys made lewd caricatures on the wall. He persuaded the boys to come in to see his shop one day. After a time, they grew to know the man, to hear stories of his life and his dreams beyond the printing shop, the challenges he’d encountered, the stories of his family, they met his aged father, were shown photographs of his children, now grown and living elsewhere, learned that his wife had passed away.

Compassion grew within these boys as they found that he was very much like themselves. They grew to understand this man’s heart and could no longer do the careless things they had done so thoughtlessly.

I received a curious email from a woman the other day. It was posted to my entire team at Carl House. Apparently I inadvertently posted stock photos on my Blog misunderstanding ‘Royalty Free’ as something I could use freely. I’m adamant about crediting the many gifted photographers who shoot weddings at my venue, clearly I am not an intentional ‘pirate’. That’s not me. People who know my heart know that that is certainly not me. My unawareness of the rules was perhaps not particularly savvy, but nonetheless, an unintentional error.

‘Kim’ (though it’s doubtful that is her real name, sent me her hotmail note which reads as follows):

To whom it may concern,

I was visiting your website during my recent wedding planning search and felt I needed to write to you.

I viewed the links from your website to both the Carl House blog and the blog for the apparent owner, BB Webb. I am utterly appalled at the unprofessionalism of both blogs for their content and for the unethical and illegal usage of stock photos from companies such as Fotosearch and Shutterstock. I am completely surprised that a business would openly use photos that have obviously been pirated from these companies without compensation to them!

Ms. Webb, you write of “being in the arts” so it seems YOU of all people should understand that you are stealing from the same people you claim to support.

I have notified these companies of your sites and hope they can recoup the loss of income from your apparent lack of ethics. Also, I will certainly NOT contact you for my upcoming 2010 wedding plans nor will I refer anyone to your venue.

Kim

Might it not have been more gracious to call me directly to alert me of my error. I wondered why someone who doesn’t know me, would speak so hatefully. I wish I were more thick skinned, but it was hurtful.

After thanking her for bringing this to my attention, I spoke immediately with John at Fotosearch telling him of the letter and my error. I have calls into two other companies I have used. He said that lots and lots of people do the same and don’t understand what ‘royalty free’ means. He accepted my apology and shared with me some cost effective sites I might use. I suggested I post the rules of ‘royalty free’ on my Blog, mentioning his company and additional sites. He thanked me and said he will put together something to post, sent in a separate email after getting the okay from his manager.

I shared the email I had received from ‘Kim’. He was shocked at its sharpness and accusing tone. He was stunned by a letter so hateful.

BB Webb the deviant pirateer?? Photo by Artstar Photography

BB Webb the deviant pirateer?? Photo by Artstar Photography

Perhaps this email is really a disgruntled former employee masquarading as Kim, or maybe she IS a bride-to-be. If it is a bride, I wish she’d contacted me privately, to better know my heart.

This person does however represent a part our culture who think little about being hurtful, they hide behind email, are unwilling to have a thoughtful conversation. ‘Kim’s’ follow up email was all the more blaming and obsessed. I decided not to participate. To me it’s an odd way to spend time and energy.

I am thankful to have so many dear friends and colleagues who know me, who know my heart, my intentions toward good.

My world is becoming and will become more and more public as I do what I am meant to do, sharing all I’m learning as a business owner, as a woman, as a servant and student of the world. One of my dear friends promised to make me a suit of teflon to let the negatives barbs and thoughtless jabs hurled by people roll off me.

Emails such as Kim’s help me know better who I am. They strengthen my resolve to continue the work I am doing and to release the people and things who serve me not.

And with the knowledge of my error, please stay tuned, you’ll be hearing from the various photo stock companies I’ve contacted… so far, gracious, understanding, considerate. My sincere apologies to them all and thanks for agreeing to help educate me and others on the rule of ‘royalty free’ photos. I’d rather be part of the solution than the problem. Any day.

BB Webb