BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

No, not a meltdown…. June 20, 2011

….maybe I’m in need of a Cool Off at this point in my day.

My dog Ernie woke me by jumping on my bed, (pretty much not allowed) at 5am. I remember seeing a small tick on my sheets the other evening after he did the same thing and POPPED out of bed this morning determined to not awaken with a grey tick engorged on my forehead.

Awwww, that’s gross.

The day has tumbled about in a gray, mired, misery and though I know that IT, like a bloated belly, (damn, I’m full of the fun images today), passes…..I’m just not able to get my arms around things in a matter I prefer today and I’m uneasy.

So, I’ll allow a venting of sorts though will mostly take it out on a loooong evening fast walk up and down hills tonight. I’m sort of pissed.

Pissed when people fall short of expectations, or when I fall short of my own.

Upset when disconnects bring back memories that have NOTHING to do with what might be currently disconnecting.

Weary, perhaps of my mind and her shuffling about periodically with doom and gloom, certainly after rallying for YEARS now on such a different path.


But, I am human, I fall short, I forget and most of all, I’m DOG TIRED.

Well, fitting all that, with the early morning doggie wake up call.

Tomorrow, a new day to appreciate the NEW people I met today, (some terrific ones), the work done, the efforts rallied and that I’m here, on the earth to explore, create, meet neat folks, stumble and get up to try again. And, maybe fall in love.

BB Webb

 

Struggle, Defining and Redefined… April 8, 2011

I began this week vetching (maybe) about what I perceive as authenticity and struggle. I am working through coaxing the first to emerge within myself organically, (yes, in a culture less accepting of differences) and I’m sitting this morning, (with gorgeous dogwood trees, my favorite, just outside my window), considering the true gifts around what feels like ‘struggle’ in ones life.

I had a moment this week, (it was more than a moment), where I felt the weight, abject heaviness of uncertainly in areas of my life I’m dealing with, feeling myself wanting to PUSH for a solution, that frankly is not quite ready to come yet.

I could feel that PART of myself rallying in her frantic, unstoppable way, with a drive I don’t enjoy, intent on getting her way…..

I am reminded here of a song I wrote in my play many moons ago, ‘Through Ruby’s Eyes’ called, ‘I Want it NOW!’ The chorus being,
‘I want it now, now, now, now, now, now, NOW!”….gee, not obtuse one bit!!

Imagine a rock n roller whose body is moving faster than her words, a physical and vocal display of youthful obstinance, petulance and hysteria!

This song coupled by the later ‘You Gotta Wait’ song. (Funny, in looking back, how clearly these messages were lining up as tiny tips of wisdom from God and the Universe channeling through me at the time, a dichotomy of sort)…

‘I Want it Now’ with ‘You Gotta Wait’.

Life IS stranger than fiction!

The chorus to the latter,
‘You gotta wait and it’ll come to you, be patient too, be patient too, it’s all right it’s okay, abandon of the safety valve, value YOU, value YOU!’

Good God! Soooo….struggle has value. It is a teacher. And if we’ll wait, wait out the petulant child, a message will come on how we might best move forward, in our OWN way, in an authentic manner which not only OTHERS will feel, but which, ohhh, if we trust, will feel right to us as well.

The magical Universe, God, All that Is, call that force he, she, it, them,what you will…..

Struggle defines us. And might I redefine struggle.

I’m so thankful to not be alone.

With love, always with love,

BB Webb

 

It’s all in the timing December 14, 2010

There is SO much to share, so much to write about….and at the moment, as I work toward the end of what has been one HECK of a year….I have little time for my favorite pass time (Interesting expressing that…’pass time’). I wonder with that….if I’m correct with that expression. My sister-in-law told me once that her father, from Poland, thought that folks were referring to the object that fried eggs as a ‘fly pan’, not a ‘fry pan’. Words….I love them.

And with that…little time at the moment for the many words I wish to type here to share the more than many ideas, thoughts, musings vying for attention in my brain.

Finding My Twirl, Photo by Sarah Eubanks Photography

But, I have a plan….an exit and entrance plan to endeavors desired. One key objective is the taping of stories for You Tube and that project starts in January so I hope you’ll stay tuned. There is much to twirl about!

In the meantime, know that stories are mounting, scenes are being written in my head, directed by my soul, manifest through my fingers on my keyboard.

I’m taking it ALL in…..every ounce….not dropping one eyedropper of content firing across my chest, within my heart. It’s all there wanting to be expressed and will be!

For now….sorting, throwing away, shifting, opening, traversing a bit I go. And I look forward to when this horse spirit emerges from the shoot. Oh, such a happy day that will be.

For now, gratitude for all the scenes, all the experiences for my screen play of life. Rich indeed. And thank you, MUCH gratitude for the people, desired or not crossing my path, showing up as folks my soul has called for each and every experience.

And so it is. I’m thankful. And so it is.

With love for all things….even the ones that BITE!

BB Webb

 

The world spins madly on… July 31, 2010

Necessary Losses, Necessary Humor…

This week has presented all manner of choices in my world….mostly on the perspectives I might best adapt.

We make plans, reach out, pull inside, rally a bit, rage perhaps, break down, stand up, smile, meet, call, sit, watch, dream, fall back, write, write, write, write….sleep, imagine, engage fantasy, move forward and try something new….I like new….possibility.

And I continue to encourage the new in those talks I have with myself. The old just won’t cut it…..people will do what they do, obstables are part of the course and people die.

Oh the rallying necessary before the end.

And so I rally for a few key causes this week and no doubt in the next little while.

I know my power and how I can impact change….

a change in situation or perhaps more often, mindset.

And as I do, I ask for strength, widsom and humor.

The whole world is moving and I’m standing still.

The Weepies continue to know….

BB Webb

 

Building my BB web… July 30, 2010

Summertime, and the living is…..busy, full, in moments hectic, swift and moving forward.

No, no slow summertime hammock swinging these days, not for me.

I am spinning a web of solutions…solutions for things that need them…

So, I watch this mighty spider outside the door of my garage…..she shows me how to patiently weave and knit and cross stitch….catching the bits of wisdom I need for the matters at hand. She is even, with seemingly no worry, she merely weaves and knows what is needed, what should be done perhaps.

And when she has satisfied this task, achieved what is to be achieved, she will rest a spell, and then begin again with her next tapestry.

And so the world rolls.

Spinning her web

BB Webb

 

It’s all in the details, though, maybe not June 7, 2010

I’m considering the importance of details in some matters and then again, not, in others.

In my business, you bet, and accountability measures ARE being put into place at every switch and turn. I’m surveying it all, and finding that just like a bolt can become loose on a bicycle, so can the details in a business and then she (my business is female), just doesn’t ride as well.

So, I’m preparing for a long ride, tightening bolts, visiting all the nooks and crannies to see what can be done better…better I say!!

And I’m finding lots of little things which TO ME, add up to so much.

Without structure, (I’m finding), for myself, my business, in our relationships, things can easily crumble and fall….like gravity. This is a big ‘aha’ for me, creative web spinner that I am. Webb-Spinner might be more appropriate.

I want to serve people well, very well. I consider my former coach’s (Brian Patrick Cork) mantra about finishing well. (I was just this evening catching up on my blog reading and reread this thought). I’d like to elevate also the way I play on the way TO the finish line….and I am.

And then I consider the areas where details matters little. When whitewashing your intention of heart in each moment, I’m considering NOT getting too caught up in how or why or when, but just to impulsively find the rhythm and dance to the pulse you feel. And just let it fly like paint, splattered carelessly on a ready canvas. Greens, blue, yellow, orange, burnt umber, turquoise…

Crazy all that.

I find I am still less settled in the moment but alive in a variety of hemispheres which take me all over the Universe.

And when I return, (in any given moment) to the earth, often needing much discipline, I scan what needs to be done each day, at the office, at home, with friends, family, in caring for myself….

I’ll have no problem dying to this world, entering another….

…though hope I don’t hurt in the passing. I’m so adverse to pain….that’s a detail I’ll gladly miss.

Though, I often find myself missing something. I’m frankly not exactly sure what it is.

Though my eyes are open! I am in training for something indeed. And yes, today my eyes see through the woods clearly.

BB Webb

 

Fell On…..KnEe…..The Only Steps That Matter…. May 13, 2010

….are the ones you take all by yourself.

The Weepies said it and I concur.

I hired a felon today. A sad young man caught up in the spider web of government gone awry. We checked him out, thoroughly I might add. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time….too sad and unfortunate a saga to go into here. 10 years in prison for being in the wrong car at the wrong time.

And on Oprah I heard that a woman adopted 4 children and starved them to death. She got 4 years. This kid got 10….cause he had a shitty attorney and a government that is uneven and reckless.

I’m not in love with our government at this present moment and I have some work to do.

A momentary and related digression. I met a terrific fellow yesterday, a Tom Schulte who is out to change the world through the work he is doing and the work he is promoting in leadership. Tom has a network of over 14,000 in his Linked In group. An affable, smart, sharp man, easy to laughter, the two of us cutting up in the Frassrand Room at Carl House.

I shared that I had made many errors as leader in my organization but that I was on a stalwart path to become not just a good leader, but that I want to evolve into a GREAT one, to make a positive and demonstrable difference, turning lights on all over the planet, universe really. I admitted though that I was more a vision sort and not particularly good at managing people.

And then came the ‘aha’ statement from my new friend Tom:

‘You can’t manage people BB, you can manage systems and processes, but you LEAD people.’

How had that not hit me before. Wow. Double wow. I got it. I really GOT it. Lessons, coaching, past experiences all became clear, why I’ve had conflict with people and on and on.

But back to this young man. He was released from prison in November and no one as yet has hired him, the ‘felony’ they say. He deserves a chance. We all do. I spent a good bit of time with him, talking about what is important to him, where he wants to go, what he wants to do, what he learned. He’s humble, quiet and yes, deserves an opportunity. With his upcoming scullery job, I’ll guess that the dishes in my venue will experience a cleaning like they’ve never had. A hunch.

So, he will make his own steps, I’ve only created a fertile playground and apparently his loving parents converted their basement into a private apartment for him. That’s love. And I hope he does well. His dream, to be a Park Ranger. He won’t be allowed to as he’s stamped much like in the Scarlet Letter, a big ‘F’ on his forehead.

I’d prefer to see a ‘P’…..for possibilities. I shared how I felt he had an advantage over others having had that mind bending experience. His sense of gratitude is sky high. His appreciation of freedom, off the charts. His path is that much clearer having been where he never wants to return. No kidding!

I hope he’ll move into wearing a smile in time. 10 years in prison because you sat in the wrong car while your pals did bad things. Rough. Truly. The fall-on-my-knees kind of rough.

The only steps that matter are the ones we make all by ourselves.

You can do it buddy, and I’ll be the eager onlooker cheering you on.

And oh, should you hire a person charged with a ‘Fell-On-KnEe’ in YOUR business, you get a tax credit of $2400. Well, there’s the government making a tad of sense.

I’m still out to change the world, me and Tom Schute……one heartbeat at a time….I think I’ll start with mine.

Courage my friend.

BB Webb