BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Struggle, Defining and Redefined… April 8, 2011

I began this week vetching (maybe) about what I perceive as authenticity and struggle. I am working through coaxing the first to emerge within myself organically, (yes, in a culture less accepting of differences) and I’m sitting this morning, (with gorgeous dogwood trees, my favorite, just outside my window), considering the true gifts around what feels like ‘struggle’ in ones life.

I had a moment this week, (it was more than a moment), where I felt the weight, abject heaviness of uncertainly in areas of my life I’m dealing with, feeling myself wanting to PUSH for a solution, that frankly is not quite ready to come yet.

I could feel that PART of myself rallying in her frantic, unstoppable way, with a drive I don’t enjoy, intent on getting her way…..

I am reminded here of a song I wrote in my play many moons ago, ‘Through Ruby’s Eyes’ called, ‘I Want it NOW!’ The chorus being,
‘I want it now, now, now, now, now, now, NOW!”….gee, not obtuse one bit!!

Imagine a rock n roller whose body is moving faster than her words, a physical and vocal display of youthful obstinance, petulance and hysteria!

This song coupled by the later ‘You Gotta Wait’ song. (Funny, in looking back, how clearly these messages were lining up as tiny tips of wisdom from God and the Universe channeling through me at the time, a dichotomy of sort)…

‘I Want it Now’ with ‘You Gotta Wait’.

Life IS stranger than fiction!

The chorus to the latter,
‘You gotta wait and it’ll come to you, be patient too, be patient too, it’s all right it’s okay, abandon of the safety valve, value YOU, value YOU!’

Good God! Soooo….struggle has value. It is a teacher. And if we’ll wait, wait out the petulant child, a message will come on how we might best move forward, in our OWN way, in an authentic manner which not only OTHERS will feel, but which, ohhh, if we trust, will feel right to us as well.

The magical Universe, God, All that Is, call that force he, she, it, them,what you will…..

Struggle defines us. And might I redefine struggle.

I’m so thankful to not be alone.

With love, always with love,

BB Webb

 

Communication is the Response You Get March 19, 2011

I am frustrated in this moment. I don’t like the feeling of disconnect when I am working in earnest to share a perspective, create a solution when asked, or have a moment of rest……and I am tired. The lists travel into my future like adding machine read outs….one into the next, into the next until my sight is blurred.

And IF communication is indeed the response we get, this thought is one to ponder. If when chatting with someone after being asked a question, if my response is not getting the response she wants or needs, is it ME who is not hearing or does the speaker need to rephrase or put her defenses aside, or me MINE, to better hear what is being spoken from either end.

I know only that when someone storms away after my dismissing the situation in frustration, (surely not the BEST strategy for peace), leaving it to them to solve, feeling my response unvalued or really not wanted, I am at a loss and feel anger at the lack of connect.

But I know what falls below anger. It is hurt, disappointment and sadness. I ask then, ‘what does this exchange remind me of’? When have I been here before. How is this person reflecting something from my past which makes me feel helpless, hopeless and in that moment, so very powerless.

I’ll send to them instead a prayer for peace and connection. I will communicate in other ways, energetically, with love and hope, hope that her shields as mine will drop to reach the heart of not just the matter, but the heart, which rules the mind when we can for a moment set the mind aside.

Ego is fear. Heart is not. Heart is love and I pray for mine to expand into greater tolerance and acceptance with each challenging communication I encounter.

I know my heart, my intent and boundaries. And if communication is the response we get….I’ll work both to hone and improve mine and let go the energies which don’t serve me. I am reminded too that a defensive nature is only a protective measure to our wounded parts. And, I am reminded the power of ‘I’ statements and how we give away our power with statements such as ‘you did this’, ‘you did that’. Just thinking….with some smoke drifting so evidently from my ears!

And, thank you to my distractors, for without the ‘rub’ I’d not have a barometer to so profoundly notice and measure my growth.

Peace.

BB Webb

 

Jealously I ask, How high IS the moon? December 18, 2010

Sooo……I spent my day off working 10 hours on our new Carl House website edits. Crazy eh? Working from home is a treat and something I relish and it almost FEELS like a day off.

And I consider, if I weren’t doing THAT, what MIGHT I be doing. I might be rehearsing a story to put on tape, I might be putzing around the house, organizing a few things for the week, visiting with a friend, hiking out in my nearby field with a really warm jacket on, following or surrounded by at least 3 kitties and 3 dogs, bringing applese to the horses, our friends who live in the field. Or I might be getting ready for my trip with family in Montana.

I’m perhaps one of the lucky ones that although these last years have been a real ‘hump’ with challenges and learning curves galore, I like learning, stretching, expanding and I find there is a real ebb and flow with life, with work, with relationships, with timing in our lives.

So today, with movies as a backdrop, oftentimes muted as I worked to gain focus and direction, I’m happy with my choices. I like the direction I’m headed and I’m ready for the epiphanies and good surprises ahead, as I intend such. I’ve learned I’m one HELL of a lot more resilient than I ever thought. I bet you are too.

And I wonder, how high is the moon?

And while stumbling upon Stephane Grappelli, (who I had the distinct pleasure of hearing live in the late 70s in Vermont. I LOVE his music, find the emotion, skill, playfulness, delightful and amazing in so many ways), what will I be up to in my 80s??

Enjoy!

And relish the moments…they come and go so quickly. And intend all good and know it’s then definitively on the way. All a matter of perspective!

And consider exercising your RIGHT to be creative. I’ve found it the panacea to all ills. It’s entirely akin to love.

How high IS your moon?

And another treat….for me….Stephane Grappelli & Yehudi Menuhin on BBC Live playing “Jealousy”. Consider living jealously…jealous for all you might imagine and dream of…..go for it says I!!!

BB Webb

 

The offense of taking offense. November 6, 2010

When I’m stressed out, I can’t breathe. It all makes perfect sense. One of our most basic functions is breathing. We don’t think about it much until it becomes difficult.

I’ve grown tired this week of the human race. I’m finding people to be lacking in grace, forgiveness, understanding and compassion. I’m disappointed to my core. I consider, is there a lesson I’m to be getting?

I had a woman lash out at me earlier this week, busting at the seams with anger and vengeance, threats and unkindness. She felt slighted by one thing after another within my company. The details I suppose don’t matter as much as there were misunderstandings, miscommunications, but never an ill intent by me or my staff.

But, perception is what we make it…it’s subjective and I find it fascinating how one person can interpret a situation….almost as though if you scan for something ugly and unjust, you get just that, and in the same way, if you look to see another side, it is there also.

My heart is heavy knowing that my intent will often be misinterpreted and that people will act miserably and hurtfully. I don’t understand. Truly, I don’t. I’m not made that way.

If I had a daughter, I’d work to teach her how to share her thoughts in a kind and loving way, speak her heart. If she were upset, I’d work with her on how to express that anger. Rage is different than anger. Anger is healthy, rage on the other hand, not. Defense hides our wounds and is a hard weapon. People use it so freely.

Taking offense is perhaps too easy and might lack a level of responsibility, certainly kindness, though I’ll send heart waves to the situation, as that’s what’s needed.

I’m not sure if my disappointment is greater or my hurt. I wish so much that I didn’t care, but I do. I care deeply, perhaps too deeply and that’s maybe not healthy either. People need to be free to be who they are, where they are and do what they’ll do.

But, the Ugly Monsters I’ve felt so much these past two years….they must be here to show me something. I’ll keep looking while protecting within myself and my company what needs protecting. Mother Lioness am I.

BB Webb

 

Gratitude November 2, 2010

“Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.” Kahil Gibran

He had it right. Simple, true.

I will remember that as I face the ‘entitled’ this day, the ones who push beyond fair measure. I will remember instead to lovingly stand my ground, say no where it is appropriate and give thanks that the original blog I wrote, stayed neatly in my pocket.

May we all have a day full of loving surprises and give thanks for the distractors and tormentors who seem lately to abound. They are indeed mirrors from which to learn.

BB Webb

 

Life and business ARE stranger than fiction October 28, 2010

I have just a moment this evening as I’ve been on a tear….probably not uncharacteristic, but a tear for sure.

When I see what needs to be done…with utter clarity, damn if I’m not unstoppable. I feel a bit like a canon in those moments…once shot from my chambers I’m unstoppable. My team knows this, my friends maybe a bit too….it’s just how I work best.

So, when a cold threatened this week to muck up my targeted aim…I had a talk with it.

‘Cold,’ I squarely stated. ‘You need to take a hike. I’m in overdrive and putting a pause on this motor just now ain’t gonna work. Skeedattle please and pick on someone who really WANTS to slow down.’

Because this week I didn’t want to. I consider that I bolted up and down the three flights at Carl House with one mission or another at least 24 times. And it felt good, purposeful…..the physical parts of the week especially good.

As there are things that need to be done. And now, not tomorrow.

So, my cold and it’s threatening, sneezy, sniffly, headache-y, snotty self left me in a speedy day and a half.

(We are all powerful beyond what we might ever realize)!

And as I entered this week my pretty Carl House grounds I was reminded of the choices I have, of the abundance I can tap into moment to moment, the people who support me and rally my various causes. As I network throughout the city, today in Atlanta, then a quick scoot through traffic to a soiree in Athens, I meet people who I’m glad to see, who care about me as I do them. New connections are made and initiatives created as I sort through the many business cards from a week of business play and negotiation.

My options increase and my vision more clear.

And I realize how I enjoy the challenge of a challenge, the mix of emotion in a week, my own energies and vision and the people who come in and out of my life on a daily, monthly, yearly basis.

And most of all, I am thankful to be past a year of disappointment with people, my own choices and the emotional tumult which worked to threaten my resolve and my heart.

I found that I’m so much bigger than that.

And THAT….is a VERY good thing.

I sit tonight in awe of the miracles I’ve experienced and will moving forward. And frankly, it’s all a choice. So, I choose, big, expanded and abundant.

Life IS stranger than fiction, as it should be….because what I can manifest is so much larger and magical than I might ever dream up!!

Here’s to expansion, love, abundance, luck and joy.

BB Webb

 

Hills, Railroads, New Rooms and Such October 23, 2010

Such a title….but it rings true. The sound of the railroad lulls me in the office at Carl House as the calls come in, as I navigate personalities, work to keep everyone and myself on target, in line, clear of my vision and moving forward with support and clarity. There are hills, there are indeed valleys, and lately, new rooms and such!

I sat last evening at 8:30pm on the third floor of my Carl House, deeply satisfied with the sound of a party below,

(a commitment ceremony)!! We’re all entitled to live as we choose says I.

…the 8th redecorated or vastly reorganized and cleaned room in either my home or Carl House, a glass of Rodney Strong Knotty Vine Red Zinfandel, (a fav of mine) and some brie and bleu cheese with figs, apple slices and grapes prepared by my favorite of chefs, Chef Derek. Debbie, my Operations gal and I reminisced the busy week which I entered with a keen focus and crystal clear intent….I had plans….I could feel my team gasp as they drew close against their respective walls as I issued THIS weeks mission.

Having recently had a resignation and shifting among the ranks, (always the right decision)….I could feel the energies shift and I was ready to move forward….MOVE FORWARD indeed!

When I am clear, I am a whippet, or tasmanian devil, tsunami I’ve been called, though endeavor or have learned, (ummmm, am learning) to be less harsh as my intensity is inborn, it is me, tempered only through living in a world which I must negotiate at every turn, while not splashing frigid water on my flame. I must guard carefully myself from the doom and gloom sayers, the influences which don’t bolster me in positive ways. Similarly, I am picking up new ways of being which work to manage my energies, my direction, this mission I was somehow born to unfold!

I rearranged our offices on Monday and on short notice had a room renovated to accomodate our new photo booth. Anticipating a call from the 18 wheeler driver of the company with whom I bought this expensive but valuable addition to my offerings, we were prepared to assemble a ready team to lift it from the large truck. Finding Miguel, the driver with the two gold front teeth, (a lovely chap…from the Bronx)!…with Debbie’s help we assembled in short order our team of hearty and muscled men to move the thing. With Miguel outside my house, stirring the passing cars atop his 18 wheeler…we had no time to waste.

‘I’m here with a 450 pound photo booth….who’s moving it’.

Traffic was intense so quickly….on the phone with the local police to help direct traffic until our movers appeared! Roger, my beloved handyman, along with our newer team member Mike, scurried to finish the renovations of the room to receive this MONSTER of a welcomed ‘profit center’ to my business. Roger suggested pulling my 1984 Ford Truck behind the 18 wheeler to lower it first there, then closer to our back steps to haul this heavy pup inside.

One, two, three, things were flying….flying…..

Then on Tuesday, after giving an 8am talk to the local Chamber of Commerce at my place, ‘Building a Business the Thrives Beyond YOU’….my lessons learned in a talk now….humor and angst both!!!…..the team and I prepped for our Bridal Event with about 20 vendors showcasing their wares….me in my element as hostess, welcoming our 100 or so guests, giving out prizes, assuring each detail was tended and person welcomed.

A late night misunderstanding between and a client and staff member, (normal daily sorting), soon remedied, minimal drama and OOOOOh the food, Chef Derek outdid himself with the FOOD! (My favorite a chicken, lavender something infused sauce with brussel sprouts that made my eyes shut while chewing). I adore culinary treats, the creativity, the textures, tastes, the colors, the way it is presented. I grew up with a father who taught me the love of fine dining and it’s worth every penny when I do decide to indulge. And fortunately, I have a chef who treats me to luscious items on a regular basis to satisfy this passion, for it IS a passion and one I will NOT deny nor sacrifice!

Wednesday, a travesty in trying to find the right workman to assemble a floral cooler, one lame worker after the next, unbelievable quotes and me having to say good-bye to more than one ‘offer’. My favorite ill suited gent the one who asked if I’d give him money for gas and cigarettes! Debbie my operations person stood nearby waiting to hear my response, getting ready to flee if sparks flew. Oooooh, they did, they did and she flew….so did he.

We had some theft last week within the ranks and security measures have been increased. We suspect some new arrivals into our fold. After much hallabaloo, adding soon security cameras, better processes to assure there is no theft….the bottles of missing wine mysteriously reappeared. There is magic happening within my business. I feel it as surely as I know my forward growth and positive solutions are imminent.

I had a good talk, heart to heart really, with a key advisor, someone very close to me and she (that higher part of me) had some good thoughts…things I was gleaning as true. I’m on it. I’m here, I’m on track and ready for all good and the expansions that are afoot. Long in the waiting maybe, but maybe not.

Life is good.

And yesterday, the shed which can’t seem to stay organized….it and my dear Operations person, Debbie, were subject to a loving hurricane of BB organization and new processes.

Stand back’, I alerted, the dust will fly and, you will be so HAPPY it did.

We all were. And the energy within is changing, the right people are appearing and I’m clear, on point!

Of key importance, I AM clear….on MANY things in my world just now.

And that….ooooh, that is good, VERY good.

Love being the singular intent with all that THAT means to me.

BB Webb