It was so different from the sort of communiques I’ve received over the past many years….in many ways. I sat with it, considering the sort of person who might write such a thoughtful paragraph of prose. I considered the heart, life experience, understanding of me and perhaps the Universe that such an epistle might suggest.
I sat with those sweet thoughts quite awhile, silently, (or as silent as my mind will let me sit), sipping at my coffee, enjoying the comfort of a morning to myself with no ‘work-work’ I HAD to tend to…I sat and let the thoughts, my world, my memories, drift over and through me.
And in an instant, in my own BB way….I jumped into action, and began deleting names from my address book. Why have I kept the names of hurtful people in my Blackberry??? Sincerely!! Out went names of colleagues, ‘friends’, former lovers, folks who serve me no longer…clearly taking up too much of my coveted electronic band width!
This reminded me of a time when my brother noticed me going through a box of old love notes from boyfriends and dear friends in my past. Sweet notes of affection and friendship from throughout the years, my travels, my experiences. I shared a few with him, he a man soulfully married since he was 22 or 23….
‘Why are you throwing these out sis? You need to save these, they’re great love notes and memories of friends.’
‘I like to move forward,’ I responded. ‘I have those memories in my heart.’
‘Really!’ he looked at me incredulous.
‘Sure….they’ve made me who I am today, greater evidence than a piece of paper.’
‘But what if no one loves you that way again.’
I remember looking him squarely in the eyes, my five years junior overshadowing his naivete.
‘Jeffrey, of course I’ll be loved again, in news ways and perhaps BETTER! However could I live thinking I would not!’ I gently stroked his arm and smiled.
‘l’ll take my chances.’
Funny all that…. surprises ’round every corner, all to be enjoyed for the moments, days, months or years they will allow.
Appreciating and enjoying each moment, I feel, is key. I’m not yet perfected in this area, though I endeavor to try!
And, I’ve found today, the great liberation in shucking the folks who just don’t serve me well. No anger, bitterness, heat toward any of it, I won’t spend my energy there. But dissolved go they with a small prayer of thanks for the lessons learned and the foresight to ‘leggo Dorothy, leggo’.
My memory of the small shards of paper strewn everywhere at the 9/11 site just after the travesty. That memory and the many, many notes upon the wall from loved ones, loved ones mourning the loss, better seeing the import of such friendships, loves, alliances, in their absence. Life spins so quickly on. Might we abandon of our safety valves. Please.
To those souls from only 9 years past, peace to you and all who loved you and…
love from me.
Yes, simply, emphatically, MORE peace and love, MORE, MORE…..