BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Lightness and Being… July 1, 2011

There is a shift happening on our planet…a major shift. And I feel myself moving to new places….I’m not ‘myself’ for ‘myself’ is changing. As I feel the ‘old’ in my world coming up again, feelings, situations that I recognize, I realize they are the mirages I need to catapult me elsewhere…..somewhere more fitting for who I am becoming. It’s challenging, this process. I am out of my comfort zone for sure.


Just where I (in ways) like to be. Moving forward, moving forward….

To me, it’s something about moving into ‘heart energy’, moving away from pain and fear into an unconditional acceptance and love toward ourselves and others.

How does THAT fit into our current world. Might we be willing to let go of the pain and suffering which we all embrace more often than we might or like to?

Heart Energy....it has its own vibration

I am having my own awakenings. I am experiencing many of the old unfavorite feelings coming forth, asking me ‘do you really want to be here….again’?

The answer is a clear and emphatic ‘NO!’ Awareness first, and then the conscious choice to CHANGE. ME, as this is no one else’s job.

So, I sit with the discomfort as best I can and know in doing so, it will shift to something new.

How to ‘be love’….keep a connection to something greater than me. Allow others to BE who they are and not let who they are affect me. And then, what am I willing or unwilling to accept in my world?

How might I BE love….stay in that connected state….connected to the love that is available to us moment by moment? And, what IS ecstatic bliss. How might we move there, stay there?

I recently had a basic numerology reading….I find this ancient art, science….fascinating. The fllowing paragraph, about ME, captivated my attention.

‘You also have a tendency to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about others without fully analyzing the matter first. People are often startled by your tendency to “look before you leap.” For this reason, you need a right hand man or woman or some kind of best friend to encourage you to sleep on important matters before you make a split decision. ‘

I find this to be true. And…

‘You love change. You live to experience as much as possible in the shortest amount of time possible. You appreciate the fact that life is short and are bound and determined to make the most of every minute you have on this earth. You have an inquisitive mind and a thirst for adventure that is only slaked by the collecting of unusual experiences and plenty of travel.

Your adaptable nature puts you at home anywhere. You are also a bit of chameleon that is able to transform its appearance and nature to suit the environment. You are a big believer in the phrase “When in Rome.. Do as the Romans do.” Your closet is usually full of many costumes, as part of your soul’s satisfaction is to do a bit of “play acting” in real life.’

This all resonates with me. And I question…

How to BE REAL with ‘what is’….be with the pain, the joy…stay with it 100% and things can easily shift and shift and shift! How might we move into ‘God consciousness’. I want heaven on earth. And again, isn’t that up to ME to divine. Sure it is!

‘You believe that an expression of true love for another soul is the courage to let them go to pursue their own path’.

Certainly my mind agrees and my heart too though it snags on old stories which have been coming up for me to release….as they are just stories where I forget my own connection and divinity.

So today…being with what is…not so comfortable as I’m a one speedy for comfort and solutions. Sometimes things take time….this pot needs to boil before bubbling over into something new.

And, it will. I trust that it will and no doubt sooner than I realize.

BB Webb

 

No, not a meltdown…. June 20, 2011

….maybe I’m in need of a Cool Off at this point in my day.

My dog Ernie woke me by jumping on my bed, (pretty much not allowed) at 5am. I remember seeing a small tick on my sheets the other evening after he did the same thing and POPPED out of bed this morning determined to not awaken with a grey tick engorged on my forehead.

Awwww, that’s gross.

The day has tumbled about in a gray, mired, misery and though I know that IT, like a bloated belly, (damn, I’m full of the fun images today), passes…..I’m just not able to get my arms around things in a matter I prefer today and I’m uneasy.

So, I’ll allow a venting of sorts though will mostly take it out on a loooong evening fast walk up and down hills tonight. I’m sort of pissed.

Pissed when people fall short of expectations, or when I fall short of my own.

Upset when disconnects bring back memories that have NOTHING to do with what might be currently disconnecting.

Weary, perhaps of my mind and her shuffling about periodically with doom and gloom, certainly after rallying for YEARS now on such a different path.


But, I am human, I fall short, I forget and most of all, I’m DOG TIRED.

Well, fitting all that, with the early morning doggie wake up call.

Tomorrow, a new day to appreciate the NEW people I met today, (some terrific ones), the work done, the efforts rallied and that I’m here, on the earth to explore, create, meet neat folks, stumble and get up to try again. And, maybe fall in love.

BB Webb

 

Struggle, Defining and Redefined… April 8, 2011

I began this week vetching (maybe) about what I perceive as authenticity and struggle. I am working through coaxing the first to emerge within myself organically, (yes, in a culture less accepting of differences) and I’m sitting this morning, (with gorgeous dogwood trees, my favorite, just outside my window), considering the true gifts around what feels like ‘struggle’ in ones life.

I had a moment this week, (it was more than a moment), where I felt the weight, abject heaviness of uncertainly in areas of my life I’m dealing with, feeling myself wanting to PUSH for a solution, that frankly is not quite ready to come yet.

I could feel that PART of myself rallying in her frantic, unstoppable way, with a drive I don’t enjoy, intent on getting her way…..

I am reminded here of a song I wrote in my play many moons ago, ‘Through Ruby’s Eyes’ called, ‘I Want it NOW!’ The chorus being,
‘I want it now, now, now, now, now, now, NOW!”….gee, not obtuse one bit!!

Imagine a rock n roller whose body is moving faster than her words, a physical and vocal display of youthful obstinance, petulance and hysteria!

This song coupled by the later ‘You Gotta Wait’ song. (Funny, in looking back, how clearly these messages were lining up as tiny tips of wisdom from God and the Universe channeling through me at the time, a dichotomy of sort)…

‘I Want it Now’ with ‘You Gotta Wait’.

Life IS stranger than fiction!

The chorus to the latter,
‘You gotta wait and it’ll come to you, be patient too, be patient too, it’s all right it’s okay, abandon of the safety valve, value YOU, value YOU!’

Good God! Soooo….struggle has value. It is a teacher. And if we’ll wait, wait out the petulant child, a message will come on how we might best move forward, in our OWN way, in an authentic manner which not only OTHERS will feel, but which, ohhh, if we trust, will feel right to us as well.

The magical Universe, God, All that Is, call that force he, she, it, them,what you will…..

Struggle defines us. And might I redefine struggle.

I’m so thankful to not be alone.

With love, always with love,

BB Webb

 

Pre-conception Kills March 29, 2011

I try not to judge though I have my preconceptions and certainly prejudices. Or, is it preferences?

pick your poison or your remedy toward life...

My mother was the absolute LEAST judgmental person I’ve yet to meet. She could poke fun at herself though ALWAYS found something to praise in EVERYONE. And, when I had a crisis to face in my life….life IS full of them, she was patient, rational and even-headed.

Her resource directory, remedy bag, was perhaps not as abundant as mine, as I had (have) a world view that expands her perimeters. I’ve found possibility and solutions with actions she’d never consider. But, she’s the one who gave me the courage to search and search as I do, until I get the answer I need… or better.

And if you’ve read his blog for even a short piece of time, you’ll know that I’m ALL for BETTER!

So, I’m still looking for some things, some people, some ideas, some ways of being, attitudes and actions to serve me best, (and the world’s) highest good. And I work….I endeavor to catch myself when I am being less than loving, judgmental or stuck on only one perception as I journey forward.

I consider what if I were that person; what might make them act the way they do, where do they hurt, fear, what is their outrage or sorrow? We all have them….especially fear and lack of knowing.

I’ll send love and compassion out to those folks this evening. And for me to be understanding of them.

And I’ll keep searching til the right people, places, remedies, things, magic, which meets my vision, meets my heart.

There is, to me, no other way.

Anything less is an abomination to my soul.

And might I work to be loving as I traverse this planet boldly meeting others, finding the miracles, medicine, means, that suit me best.

And, may there be ample grace, certainly coming from me, along the path.

BB Webb

 

Worth repeating. March 25, 2011

Be the change….

Be the change….

Be the change….

Symbols everywhere. Open those precious eyes. It’s all here for us. Be the change you want to see!

Be the change.

Really, all one has to do to transform their life, is remind themselves to think and behave a little bit differently, each day.

Rainbows,
The Universe

With love, BB Webb

 

Communication is the Response You Get March 19, 2011

I am frustrated in this moment. I don’t like the feeling of disconnect when I am working in earnest to share a perspective, create a solution when asked, or have a moment of rest……and I am tired. The lists travel into my future like adding machine read outs….one into the next, into the next until my sight is blurred.

And IF communication is indeed the response we get, this thought is one to ponder. If when chatting with someone after being asked a question, if my response is not getting the response she wants or needs, is it ME who is not hearing or does the speaker need to rephrase or put her defenses aside, or me MINE, to better hear what is being spoken from either end.

I know only that when someone storms away after my dismissing the situation in frustration, (surely not the BEST strategy for peace), leaving it to them to solve, feeling my response unvalued or really not wanted, I am at a loss and feel anger at the lack of connect.

But I know what falls below anger. It is hurt, disappointment and sadness. I ask then, ‘what does this exchange remind me of’? When have I been here before. How is this person reflecting something from my past which makes me feel helpless, hopeless and in that moment, so very powerless.

I’ll send to them instead a prayer for peace and connection. I will communicate in other ways, energetically, with love and hope, hope that her shields as mine will drop to reach the heart of not just the matter, but the heart, which rules the mind when we can for a moment set the mind aside.

Ego is fear. Heart is not. Heart is love and I pray for mine to expand into greater tolerance and acceptance with each challenging communication I encounter.

I know my heart, my intent and boundaries. And if communication is the response we get….I’ll work both to hone and improve mine and let go the energies which don’t serve me. I am reminded too that a defensive nature is only a protective measure to our wounded parts. And, I am reminded the power of ‘I’ statements and how we give away our power with statements such as ‘you did this’, ‘you did that’. Just thinking….with some smoke drifting so evidently from my ears!

And, thank you to my distractors, for without the ‘rub’ I’d not have a barometer to so profoundly notice and measure my growth.

Peace.

BB Webb

 

It’s Probably Robert Duvall March 11, 2011

So many roles he’s played over the years. He’s special.

As a backdrop to some evening work earlier this week, I watched ‘Sling Blade’ with Billy Bob Thornton, (another peach of an actor).

Robert Duvall as his father was brilliant.
(And Dwight Yokam the perfect manipulative, arrogant, self serving, pushy ass, covering an insecure, misdirected man….WELL played)! So much of what he performed in this film, (Yokam), how he moves, his whiney voice….the nuiance, the immersion into his character….terrific! OR, there is always the possibility that he’s like that in ‘real’ life.

I like that expression…’real life’! Funny. It’s all real. It’s something too when you notice how you’ve changed and move differently than you perhaps once did in your life NOW, than perhaps long ago or even awhile ago. Our blueprint is our blueprint but all drawings can be erased or painted over…we can play whatever character suits us best.

Back to my protagonist. ‘Tender Mercies’ is perhaps my favorite Robert Duvall film. His struggle and dichotomy of character so perfectly played.

His recent ‘Get Low’ is another study in character, his final speech about losing the married woman he was planning to run away with is heart wrenching, tragic, real. He touches deep within and with that specificity we feel it too, as we have all been to these places of deep regret, experienced loss, the alone moments that shape and chisel exactly WHO we are.

This is part of why I loved acting.

So, this week, I watched Duvall, met some new people, wondered how to discern one ‘reality’ from my next, spoke to a woman who I grew up with whose father died….hearing her say ‘I love you’ to me despite not being in touch for almost 40 years and I visited with a former love, realizing how while we conversed, I’d so clearly moved on and why.

And such is life, moving, moving, twisting and turning. I propped my eyes open and worked late into the evening last night, organizing, clearly, throwing out more STUFF, to move my business forward, to move ME forward, to create time for new things as I’m uplifted by potential and certainly hope to exercise a GOOD measure of MY potential before leaving the earth.

(And speaking of leaving the planet, have you seen Robert Duvall in ‘Road’ with Viggo Mortgenson…(another favorite). Stunning in his portrayal of the old man with glossy, opaque eyes hanging on in a post apolcalyptic world).

So, as we say up north….’God willing and the creek don’t freeze’….or, if I’ll let go and allow all good to come in as she wants only to do.

With tender mercy and gratitude AND a heart wide open, so it is. This or better says I, this or better!! I say, BETTER…because I can. Why not?

So, it’s probably Robert Duvall, and people like him who fuel and inspire me, the way they weave who they are and who they are becoming, their ‘characters’ so to speak, which, by their example (in ‘real life’ or fiction), will help transport me ‘there’.

BB Webb