BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

No, not a meltdown…. June 20, 2011

….maybe I’m in need of a Cool Off at this point in my day.

My dog Ernie woke me by jumping on my bed, (pretty much not allowed) at 5am. I remember seeing a small tick on my sheets the other evening after he did the same thing and POPPED out of bed this morning determined to not awaken with a grey tick engorged on my forehead.

Awwww, that’s gross.

The day has tumbled about in a gray, mired, misery and though I know that IT, like a bloated belly, (damn, I’m full of the fun images today), passes…..I’m just not able to get my arms around things in a matter I prefer today and I’m uneasy.

So, I’ll allow a venting of sorts though will mostly take it out on a loooong evening fast walk up and down hills tonight. I’m sort of pissed.

Pissed when people fall short of expectations, or when I fall short of my own.

Upset when disconnects bring back memories that have NOTHING to do with what might be currently disconnecting.

Weary, perhaps of my mind and her shuffling about periodically with doom and gloom, certainly after rallying for YEARS now on such a different path.


But, I am human, I fall short, I forget and most of all, I’m DOG TIRED.

Well, fitting all that, with the early morning doggie wake up call.

Tomorrow, a new day to appreciate the NEW people I met today, (some terrific ones), the work done, the efforts rallied and that I’m here, on the earth to explore, create, meet neat folks, stumble and get up to try again. And, maybe fall in love.

BB Webb

 

Struggle, Defining and Redefined… April 8, 2011

I began this week vetching (maybe) about what I perceive as authenticity and struggle. I am working through coaxing the first to emerge within myself organically, (yes, in a culture less accepting of differences) and I’m sitting this morning, (with gorgeous dogwood trees, my favorite, just outside my window), considering the true gifts around what feels like ‘struggle’ in ones life.

I had a moment this week, (it was more than a moment), where I felt the weight, abject heaviness of uncertainly in areas of my life I’m dealing with, feeling myself wanting to PUSH for a solution, that frankly is not quite ready to come yet.

I could feel that PART of myself rallying in her frantic, unstoppable way, with a drive I don’t enjoy, intent on getting her way…..

I am reminded here of a song I wrote in my play many moons ago, ‘Through Ruby’s Eyes’ called, ‘I Want it NOW!’ The chorus being,
‘I want it now, now, now, now, now, now, NOW!”….gee, not obtuse one bit!!

Imagine a rock n roller whose body is moving faster than her words, a physical and vocal display of youthful obstinance, petulance and hysteria!

This song coupled by the later ‘You Gotta Wait’ song. (Funny, in looking back, how clearly these messages were lining up as tiny tips of wisdom from God and the Universe channeling through me at the time, a dichotomy of sort)…

‘I Want it Now’ with ‘You Gotta Wait’.

Life IS stranger than fiction!

The chorus to the latter,
‘You gotta wait and it’ll come to you, be patient too, be patient too, it’s all right it’s okay, abandon of the safety valve, value YOU, value YOU!’

Good God! Soooo….struggle has value. It is a teacher. And if we’ll wait, wait out the petulant child, a message will come on how we might best move forward, in our OWN way, in an authentic manner which not only OTHERS will feel, but which, ohhh, if we trust, will feel right to us as well.

The magical Universe, God, All that Is, call that force he, she, it, them,what you will…..

Struggle defines us. And might I redefine struggle.

I’m so thankful to not be alone.

With love, always with love,

BB Webb

 

We all need a champion! January 23, 2011

I had a young man working in my organization not so long ago. A tall, good looking, sweet and capable young man. He was caught drinking Carl House alcohol on the job. I had to let him go. In letting him go, I offered that I would not abandon him, but rather walk alongside him IF he reached out to me for help. I would not make it easy for him, but would offer support should he ask for it.

I am happy that he has. I had initially told him that I would not employ him again. Given his efforts, I have reconsidered. I feel it is important to guide people toward their own growth, to empower them through encouraging their positive action. I have learned not so much from my successes, but from what brought me TO those successes, which is most often challenge and adversity.

So, thank you tormentors. Thank you. I may not offer to supper with you, but I thank you nevertheless.

Below is his recent letter to me and my response today to him, his name changed of course to protect his privacy.

BB,
I would really appreciate some hours when some become available. I think the carl house could be a very positive atmosphere for me to wrok in. I would really enjoy a chat with you as well. If you would like to set up a meeting if you arent too busy that would be great. I have been continuing my progress of becoming a better person but have hit a few snags along the way and could use some good advice and you have given me some of the best advice i have ever recieved. Its not like i have resorted to drinking, im just kind of lost on a few things. Either email me or call me on either of these subjects.
Thank you,
Joseph


Thanks for reaching out Joseph. I’ll pass the word to Debbie about scheduling you when we can though this is our slow time. If there is other work available, I’ll let you know. Things though are growing since we launched our new website. Have a look, we’re very proud of it. http://www.carlhouse.com

You need to consider a group to check in with Joseph and of course, I’ll be here for you as I can be. Consider an AA group. You don’t have to be a fall down drunk to benefit from these groups, in fact, those of us with mild addictions often have the worse situation as it’s easy to justify why we feel we can handle it all ourselves. We are human and we ALL need support. I struggle with my own issues, we ALL do.

Find a group to visit with before we next meet. Bring the names of 3 or 4 options. You’ll be glad you did and begin to realize you are not alone with the struggles you face.

Consider where YOU might be of service to someone. If you are an animal person, consider giving some of your time to an animal rescue through PetSmart or a similar organization. You never know who you’ll meet who makes a difference in your life and you to them.

We ALL want to make a difference and to be recognized for the beautiful people that we are. And, we all want to make a living to support the dreams we have. It’s a process so be patient. You’re doing better than you know Joseph. Even writing to me is a BIG step.

So, find an AA group to visit, or several and a place to volunteer your time….if only a few hours a week. What you put out to the world WILL come back to you, in the proper time. Be mindful of who you hang out with and consider if they are helping to support the new directions you are wanting to take or not. They needn’t necessarily be BAD people, but question if they are the support network or a group of folks who inspire your movement forward.

Here’s how you can help me. I am looking for a student in film or marketing who is looking for a project for credit and experience at their school. I am embarking on filming some of my stories and am looking for someone to help film and document some goings on at Carl House to showcase on our blogs and newsletters. We have a new website and I have big plans for our growth, our YouTube and other social media outlets a big part of initiating that growth. So, if you know someone who might spend their time with me, I’d be most appreciative.

If you have time on Friday the 28….toward the end of the day, I can schedule some time around 4pm. Let me know. And just keep breathing, be conscience of where you are, where you want to go, ask for guidance from God, the Universe, whatever you believe and KNOW, know for CERTAIN, things WILL improve. It’s a process and it’s all EXACTLY the way it is supposed to be. Keep the faith Joseph and know you are cared for!

Warmly.

BB

There are so many challenges as we grow and unfold. We all have them, our worlds to negotiate. I want the best for this young man. He needs support as we all do. We all need champions in our lives.

I want to help in a bigger way than I feel I presently am. I consider how I might do so in a bigger way. This young man motivates me to find my next direction as well.

Peace and good things to us all.

BB Webb

 

About Face, Facebook…and other ‘Not So Honeymoon Tales’ November 20, 2010

I’m working on a new talk which I’m eager to get out and about throughout not just my neck of the woods, in and around Atlanta, but globally somehow. And yes, in PERSON, not just over the Internet Super Highway!

I believe in FACE to FACE communications! With that, I’ll be speaking about how we relate to one another in this day in age….how things have changed with the advent of the internet. There have been positive changes and I feel there have been LESS than positive changes afoot.

I’m embroiled in a not so favorable result of such ‘non face-to-face’ communication despite my efforts. It’s all so absolutely unnecessary but none-the-less, where I sit TODAY.

My talk will speak on keeping things personable, but not taking things so PERSONALLY. Having taken an enormous financial risk beginning my business seven and a half years ago, and having put in a copious number of hours of unimaginable sweat equity, and doing so even these seven and a half years later, it’s challenging at times for me to NOT take things personally. My business in a sense is ‘my baby’.

I revel most in the lessons learned and give thanks to each and every lesson which comes my way….and I’ll say ‘lucky me’ as they come nearly daily if I am paying attention. I endeavor to be part of good SOLUTIONS, not contribute more to heady, unnecessary PROBLEMS!

I personally have experienced (lately), the assault of internet communication and thrashing over Facebook and other wedding websites by a client. This particular (now former) client, has never met me in person, has never taken the time to set an appointment with me or answer my email or offer through her mother to call me, (as suggested) so I might PERSONALLY handle any disruption or miscommunication. Instead, this person who contracted with me has banned with her family and made the choice to bad mouth me, my company and my hard working team on FACEBOOK.

I’ve said it before and will repeat, I (as my team) are far from perfect, but anyone with an ounce of reasonable-ness will know very quickly that our intent is to serve and to exceed expectations.

I wonder if I were to sit with this young person, to look into her eyes, to understand her needs, fears, concerns and challenges in life, I wonder if I might be able to speak with her woman to woman to gain a mutual respect and compassion.

I wonder too if she might better ‘GET’ that my working on average 12-15 hours a day, often 7 days a week, that I am serious about doing good business. I wonder if she might better realize that borrowing LARGE amounts of money to start a company, that as a single woman who has a passion for serving people, I’m not out to do anyone a disservice, but much to the contrary, I have put everything at risk to do right by people!

I am concerned that this group of much younger people, accustomed to online communication and not the face-to-face sort I grew up with, do not consider the good manners of communication and how careless rants and thrashings of an individual or business can impact many lives. I’m uncertain why people choose to judge and hate, to wallow in the negative, unwilling to work toward positive resolution, especially when a conversation and willingness is offered them.

I feel they use their power recklessly and that sadly it won’t serve them well as they move forward in life. This saddens me deeply.

I consider too the people I’ll reach from this incident now that I have been impacted. The positive changes I might make now that I am personally aware of the hurt and damage this cowardice, you might call it, can do, instead of choosing to engage instead in respectable, courteous communication, one-on-one.

I am thankful to know who I am, strengths and weaknesses and to feel the rally of my colleagues, mentors, community leaders, clients and team.

I don’t and won’t play at that level, though I promise those whose livings, whose future events, the banks and service providers who I support through my business, (and rely on), that I will not sit quietly when the host of people I support is challenged.

Would this person act more considerately, kindly, professionally, respectably if they knew the heart of my intent and good will? Perhaps if she’d had the wherewithal to contact me personally, she might, but sadly that opportunity was forfeited and her comments directed to bad mouth me and my good name and that of my company was her choice.

I regret her unwillingness to work toward positive resolution. In the end I send only healing thoughts and a heightened consciousness to someone filled with such hatefulness and anger. It’s ironic to me as well, when people come to me with their entitlement and anger and then seem compelled to mention that they are ‘good Christians’.

This is perhaps one of the reasons I’m not much of a ‘joiner’. I’d rather someone walk with me throughout a day or week or month and THEN, then, when they have seen better who I am, feel free to judge, but kindly do me the respect to at least sit with me first in conversation, look into my eyes, find out a little who I am.

Good will to the world! We certainly need it. And Facebook….about Face to you….might you be used to create friends and alliances, not to destroy the potential for humanity to come together in good ways.

As a side note…I was asked by a National Magazine, ‘Perfect Wedding Guide’ to speak on this very topic in March. I’m so very HONORED to do so. Stay tuned as there is more, more and even MORE to come.

And thank you for these tormenters for prompting this initiative in me. I will ALWAYS find a silver lining. And I’m WELL aware, that it’s a choice to do so!

BB Webb

 

The offense of taking offense. November 6, 2010

When I’m stressed out, I can’t breathe. It all makes perfect sense. One of our most basic functions is breathing. We don’t think about it much until it becomes difficult.

I’ve grown tired this week of the human race. I’m finding people to be lacking in grace, forgiveness, understanding and compassion. I’m disappointed to my core. I consider, is there a lesson I’m to be getting?

I had a woman lash out at me earlier this week, busting at the seams with anger and vengeance, threats and unkindness. She felt slighted by one thing after another within my company. The details I suppose don’t matter as much as there were misunderstandings, miscommunications, but never an ill intent by me or my staff.

But, perception is what we make it…it’s subjective and I find it fascinating how one person can interpret a situation….almost as though if you scan for something ugly and unjust, you get just that, and in the same way, if you look to see another side, it is there also.

My heart is heavy knowing that my intent will often be misinterpreted and that people will act miserably and hurtfully. I don’t understand. Truly, I don’t. I’m not made that way.

If I had a daughter, I’d work to teach her how to share her thoughts in a kind and loving way, speak her heart. If she were upset, I’d work with her on how to express that anger. Rage is different than anger. Anger is healthy, rage on the other hand, not. Defense hides our wounds and is a hard weapon. People use it so freely.

Taking offense is perhaps too easy and might lack a level of responsibility, certainly kindness, though I’ll send heart waves to the situation, as that’s what’s needed.

I’m not sure if my disappointment is greater or my hurt. I wish so much that I didn’t care, but I do. I care deeply, perhaps too deeply and that’s maybe not healthy either. People need to be free to be who they are, where they are and do what they’ll do.

But, the Ugly Monsters I’ve felt so much these past two years….they must be here to show me something. I’ll keep looking while protecting within myself and my company what needs protecting. Mother Lioness am I.

BB Webb

 

A roundabout she does go and go September 14, 2010

With the cool weather I’m back to my favorite several mile trek taking a little over an hour to cover the ground I choose. It’s good time for me, moving, breathing, allowing my mind to wander as it will. And, like getting a good night of sleep, I wonder, ‘how is it I forgot how good this feels. When did I stop doing this?’

I opted for no music this evening, needing to sort through a pile of thoughts, feelings, things going on at work, in my personal life, considering how to do the many things I SAY are important along with the things which ARE important in managing my business, health, attitude, ‘needs’, desires, curiosities, passions, creative or otherwise. I suppose it’s all rather subjective.

I recall my best pal Lulu, (you’ve heard me no doubt say it before), have no expectations and you won’t be disappointed.

I’m considering, how do we best take care of ourselves? From there, it seems the rest is icing. I like icing but too much makes me sick so I’d best stay with a healthy dose of what I can provide me. That’s where I am today.

Though roundabout I do go…

And during my walk I found my brain messing about with the word fall. Fall as in autumn and falling, falling down, falling in love, leaves falling. And fell…..and this is how queer the mind, (ok, mine), can be……follow this if you dare, (and certainly feel free to ‘fall’ out as you will….)


I considered the words ‘fell’. How close it is to feel. Fall, containing the word ‘all’….backwards llaf, laugh….Laughing at it all as I fall, fall, fall and how I feel, falling and all, laughable the feeling of it all, fell, ELF…Elfen it all, this falling while feeling it all, the all, be all, end all, the lefs falling and how it felt, this fall…..

I had to make myself stop. (Frankly I often worry myself with this brain-heart combo). Circles and circles we can go with no place to go at all. And here is the world in which I find myself….TODAY.

And then to realize it’s all inside us….everything we need, the satisfaction of our desires, really. Falling in love with what is, and ourselves JUST AS WE ARE….this moment then the next….deciding where we need to go or be in any given moment…be it roundabout, home, (inside yourself) or no where at all. The choices are as varied as m&ms in a bag.

And I wonder at the feelings which in any given day can swarm me like locust on a field of (whatever the hell locusts eat), insistent and penetrating.

So I saged my house because it makes me feel good, a ritual I get and it smells delightful to me. It’s my way, felt right. I imbued the smoke with intentions of love, peace, prosperity and joy and wondered at why that is so difficult at times for me to embrace.


So, to bed early as there is nothing more to be done this day, but give thanks, love on my animals, thank the people who both challenge me and the ones who for some reason or another love me, honor the day and the blessings which are mine.

Humbled, as usual and eager to FALL to sleep and preferable STAY there awhile.

BB Webb

 

Good to Remember… August 10, 2010

‘Don’t be afraid to be outrageous; the critics will shoot you down anyway.’ Sir Laurence Olivier

It’s true….working to please the world will just get you in one mess a trouble.

Partners in Crime and Manifesting!

My best friend 2Lu, (who has a milestone birthday this very day), tells me often to not have expectations and I’ll never be disappointed.

That’s a tough one for me. Though I am learning to be a bit more ‘here and now’….I’m finding there really is NO where else to be.

So I consider feeling what’s going on, seeing what I can, I taste at every turn and listen, oooooh the listening, of my heart, of my anger, of my fear or delight.

And the critics…they all want to pull you down.

I’ll have none of it.

It’s just not my way.

So rally on, remember the people who love you, believe in you, forgive yourself for errors, they are all part of the process and oooh, rally on, rally on.

Tomorrow is another day. Another day indeed.

And, Happy Birthday my friend, we have worlds to create, vast worlds to travel and create. And, I intend, we are and will! Distractors be gone!

BB Webb