One drip of consciousness into the next….our slow awakenings. Mine come slowly and then periodically, in solid and sudden bursts. BOOM! We see. We hear. We know. We know, on NO uncertain terms we see ourselves, our path anew. And the awkwardness of ambivalence and compromise leaves. The choice to love oneself becomes stronger than our ability to negotiate less.
And as I came to that realization this week in saying goodbye to one part of myself, I could feel my heart open in a new way…with love, acceptance and a compassion for all the differences I see within me from others, with others from me. There is no right or wrong REALLY, merely preferences. Preferences. We hold our pasts, our wounds so very closely until one day, with any luck, we don’t. And then the great yawn, the taking in of breath we didn’t know we had and suddenly our dance with life changes.
I’m all for expansion and possibility, but that’s an old song….energetically imbued in my soul…..I must merely remind myself from time to time…when I get caught up in my own forgetting, earth bound, when I’m not listening.
Choices and then more choices. And with choices….necessary losses, gain, discovery, always some heartache as we become attached to things we’ve enjoyed and loved. Yet, when the decision to move is correct we know it and despite the heartache that might go with it, we know, we know, anything less is in time intolerable. Still the heart hurts with these times of letting go.
I’ve experienced so many. From time to time I feel myself drawn back to a memory, perhaps it’s the ‘dream’ of what something more…more in terms of peace, fulfillment, ease. I’m beginning to trust myself more wtih each passing year, and these decades are mounting in this life of mine. I am trusting more the reasoning of my heart, if there could be such. It’s more the knowing of this strong and aging heart, what brings my passions to light.
We have support around and within us which never leaves. We might forget, but it is ALWAYS there.
As a reminder of that, my earthly guardians protect me outside my window….ever vigilant, full of love. Or maybe they just want inside.
Don’t we all. Want inside. Inside what matters. Inside our own skins, living a personally authentic existence this time through?
I do. How heavenly to have a morning with the sun pouring in my window, strong coffee, the warmth of my furnance and me, just me for now. Time to breathe, to consider, to express gratitude for the people, opportunities and ‘things’ which grace my world. Surely. Surely and indeed.
With thanks and then more of it. Where EVER will this day take me….far and beyond and yet right here at home, inside myself.
Drip, drip, mouth watering drip!