I am considering this evening the many parts of we….all of us, me, the people I know, the ones I know well, others not so, and the new ones gracing my world who I’m eager to know better…..then I consider, that less confident side of myself….’.if I don’t muck up!’ Quite a comment for an otherwise confident person.
Oh the many parts of we.
When something good comes in, I find it hard to consider losing it….funny when we’ve been forever without it. Like the sound of a new song, the taste of something pleasurably new, a touch you’ve not felt, as soon as you’ve had it, going without seems as though it might break your heart.
I’m considering how clear certain people seem, about life, about themselves, confident, complicated perhaps but having learned ways to deal with their own complexities. And I consider my own complexities and defense structures that I’ve not yet learned to manage as well as I might. My world has layers. My heart has the most….perhaps for all of us.
And in certain situations I listen to the words coming from my mouth and I wonder, ‘why or where did THAT come from’…..a jagged comment, a mask to what’s really behind and it disarms me…..usually after its done its damage, and later on, when the ridiculous-ness of that moment in time hits me, and usually quite hard, I wish I would have not reacted so quickly, thoughtlessly.
Behind our masks are places as tender as an oyster’s belly. And should those places be nurtured and cared for, with hearts willing to embrace all our edges, pieces and moments, oooh the pearl that might develop.
And if I could but meditate quietly, or with Osho’s tapes, moving dancing, shaking lose the pieces which jump in to sabotage, hide, or inhibit the lovely vulnerability which we are, oh the miracles which might unfold.
Funny how at 20 I didn’t think about these things. There was less to seemingly defend.
Even funnier, it’s the same now as it was then…though life and our experience of it makes us forget. So, I’m having a little talk with myself about it all and hope I’ll listen. White knuckles….I’m on pins and needles!
I should have been a dog!