BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Support, Caretaking, Taking Care, Caring Less. February 4, 2010

Which is it. What do we do from one day to the next, moment to the next?

SUPPORT…I’m all for that, giving it and receiving it. Support to me is giving someone the tools to do what they have the ability to do. We can give it and receive it…Support for efforts in growth, learning and becoming capable in areas which interest a person. Give and receive, receive and give. With love and and openness going both ways.

The idea coming to me too about ‘giving and letting go’ and ‘receiving and letting go’, releasing expectation on both sides.

Just receive whatever is REALLY being given (should you choose) and give whatever YOU want to give…it MIGHT not be what someone wants.

And then there is CARETAKING and I don’t do much of that.

Though on what I feel is a funny side note, I met with my financial advisor late yesterday afternoon. We spoke of all things commerce, strategy, tactics, business and the like and at one point, she looked at me with kind and knowing eyes and said, ‘you’re co-dependent in some areas.’ I laughed so hard the room shook. ‘Yes’, I said, ‘I am’. ‘The key is’, she noted, ‘you’re becoming aware that you are’. ‘Yes I am!’ I then added, ‘You have to make things what they are before you can change them!’ DING DING!!!!!

I appreciate someone lovingly shining a light for me! She was.

Back to caretaking…..I don’t think it’s so useful, unless you are a newborn, small child, an invalid or special needs person, or animal. I used to ‘care take’ hospice patients. I loved that work and may return to it one day. I liked caretaking someone who really needed me, being there for what they needed, comforting them, and if lucky, guiding them through their next transition….to new places, new journeys.

But to caretake someone capable and able, that creates dependency, co-dependency maybe. Maybe when someone ought to instead spread his or her own wings.

Discomfort is growth. Pain is growth….if you don’t numb it. It’s where if we are willing, we dig deep inside and sit with THE truth, as when all is said and done, there is only what there is. That takes incredible courage….especially when we’ve started to believe our own stories.

I prefer the truth. It’s icy at times, (and I’ve often deluded myself), but once I settle into it, the right people, circumstances and opportunties arrive. And there is nothing to defend. NOTHING. You ARE, it IS. I am eager to speak to that end in my upcoming media pursuits. And I will seek out warriors, people who have REALLY done that work, who know the pain of taking off the mask, who’ve realized the importance of compassion and their ABSOLUTE truth….which often CHANGES, as we grow!!

In the same way that I’d rather hire someone with passion and spunk than a seasoned professional who has lost their fire and buries themselves in defense and complaints…..I like the edge I feel in an artist, the moxie of someone who’s fallen and risen back in love, not anger, with revenge or hatred.

Having been in my own heavy shoes of pain any number of times throughout my lifetime, I savor that I can THEN, truly walk with someone who has been there too, and wrap my arm around theirs as we walk, emanating appreciation for the lessons and to be walking together in that moment. Truly.

And back to my premise. So, TAKING CARE…..I’m pretty good at this. I take good care of myself. I need sleep or I’m a solid grump. If I don’t eat well I am jumpy or have low energy. I try not to hide from things I’m feeling and will certainly raise my hand if I’ve done something hurtful or was wrong. And I work to hear the helpful feedback from people who are supportive of me. I’m learning to sit quietly as when I allow the messages I need to hear, come through, I am taken care of. Peace is only there for me to find. As I take care of what I need, I can better give to others, this I know for sure. Breathing, moving (I like to dance) and sitting quietly, key to me.

CARING LESS. I’m trying to learn to ‘care less’ about some things, but I still struggle with attachment. I’m so strong willed it’s hard to let go sometimes, to ideas, memories, people, habits, thoughts. I’m a little like plankton at times, embarrassing as that is.

(My friend 2Lu asserts that we NEVER need be embarrassed for who we are…I think it’s her own version of the ‘child of God’ talk)!!

I think of one of my favorite lines from a movie, ‘Run Forest, ruuuuuun!’ I need to consider at times when it’s best to ruuuuuun away from some things, or certainly to just quietly walk away. (I’m thinking of a recent thoughtless email to a blog post of mine….some things are just not worthy of a response, I have scores of examples). What we need will come to us when it’s supposed to come to us. There is so much that is not up to us. I’m learning that if we allow ‘things’ to be easy, if we’ll consider they can be, sometimes they ARE! That may take several lifetimes for ME to grok!

I forgive fairly easily, it’s harder to let go, but I can forgive. I SEE people. When I take the time or if I have interest, I do.

Though, I can get as caught up with smarts, wit and charism as anyone; nonetheless, I see deeper and that unleashes my compassion. You can look at a face, cover each side and it’ll reveal what is under people’s masks. One eye is often filled with great pain, sorrow, we all have it. The other the spark, heart and intelligence of the person. It’s the first thing I notice in people and I’m observant. ‘In person’ with folks is always the most revealing. And I’m tender toward people when I can see them. There is rarely EVER anything not worth forgiving.

…though it doesn’t mean there aren’t times to step away. People need space to be themselves and often it’s better to let them be. I learned that living with my father who was prone to hurtful outbursts. It’s the stealthier jabs that I’ve come to recognize and step away from, the more experienced, cunning, careful and subtle hits, cloaked in other dressing that I’ve learned to step back from.

For someone who seems to take EVERYTHING personally, I’m learning not to there. It’s people just working things through for themselves.

People need time to root themselves. Some people I think I’ve waited for for lifetimes, still with a knowing that in some incarnation they will come home to themselves with an authenticity which will make the world and all its flowers blossom and weep with great relief and probably joy! I’m sure I’m on some people’s waiting lists as well!

I understand humanness and maybe even the selective memory that people have, including myself. Believing in our own stilted resumes and stories can be a real liability!

My mother was a model to me of authenticity and showed me how to love. Never have I had the pleasure to be with such a creative, loving, nonjudgemental person in my life. She was a Queen, a lady, a playful sprite! I loved HER as big as it gets. She was pretty much the ‘real McCoy’ and a great example to me in many, (not all), but many ways.

So, consider how to support yourself and others in ways that matter, to do less caretaking of folks who need to find their mettle, (they can do it, with your support), take care of yourself and let others know how you feel, that’s a GREAT way to take care of you…it fills your heart and theirs and people deserve to know, really.

And well…perhaps caring less about some things is good, the things we can’t change, the areas where others need do their ‘thing’, follow their path. Just back away and let the world swirl about. Don’t consider doing a thing but be you, be loving, feel compassion toward others and certainly yourself. Truly. But do feel, it’s key to all growth.

Be rueful, but only in terms of compassionate….that’s what the world needs, certainly not pity!

With love,

BB Webb


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