…the ego is always scared. He’s the bully in the playground, the boaster of wealth, the Joker, the cocky one who claims to know ‘the way’. He/she is always in attack/protect mode. I know!
I’m allowing Mr. Eckhart Tolle to kick my ego ass this evening. It’s good. I don’t mind a good ass kicking, as long as it’s with a loving intent….and not all are. Trust me on that one, people can be mean and terribly self centered, ha! and the stupid ones don’t even know it. The craftier ones know and pretend they don’t. I’ve seen it. And no doubt fallen into both categories at one time or another.
But I’m waking uuuuup!
Mr. Tolle’s new book, ‘A New Earth’ so far discusses differences between our ego identification and consciousness, how we think we are our minds. Somehow that lead to a discussion with a very old, (and very alive and awake friend), this evening around con-artistry….(I’ll hold that for another blog post). Cons live and breathe ’round every corner.
I learned during my pilgrimage to that lovely horse farm in Normandy, France, nearly a year and a half ago, that no, we’re not our minds, nor our ego, they are merely servants to the soul if we might somehow corral them. I forget that on a daily basis, certainly of late as so many areas of my life are challenged. Fertile ground for growth for sure.
My resistance, defensiveness and reactive nature tells me so. That’s okay, I’m laughing at it all. I am my own playground should I choose. I’m finding that I’m not what I do or what I speak or what my bio says, I’m so much more….no doubt you as well. Maybe.
I know for what I stand. I don’t mind being humbled with my humanness. I only become upset when I feel ‘lesser than’ when experiencing myself in relation to what is happening around me, events, people, circumstances, or by what others say. Silly all that.
It’s important to know for what you truly stand. When I come back home to how that feels in my body, I could care less about really most of anything which surrounds me. But it takes enormous practice for me to stay in my body and out of my mind.
And then something big happened tonight…a veil lifted. Amidst my total exhaustion with things confounding and most of all supreeeeemely disappointing….people, events, bullshit, I realized I could care less. REALLY! I COULD CARE LESS.
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I can hear the angels hooting and hollering…..blowing raspberries)!
I remembered that I have a choice in EVERY moment on how I behave, despite the shit swirling ’round my ether space. I’ve been putting up SUCH a fight forever….with everything, everyone. I’ve got this drive and passion which needs no approval, it just IS, as I just AM. Whether people embrace me or it matters not. Approval is a drive of the ego. Who gives a bloody crap.
(I feel smutty mouthed tonight and truly, am holding back a bit so’s not to offend you or your mother).
I’ve said it lately and it’s beginning to sink in…..on oneself you must rely. PERIOD.
Where did we think we couldn’t do this or that??
God, look in the mirror, there is power, fight and smarts there if you’ll but listen.
I’m working to stay open to ideas, possibility, but to be less open to most of the world. It’s not honored and frankly, wasted. I’m finding that when people are not truly conscious, they are less likely to be trusted, truly trusted. (I’m not faulting them). And finally, instead of taking it all so personally, I’m choosing a quiet little prayer which I say so no one hears and it’s getting easier to let go and move on. I’m learning to do so with absolute love.
And when I do let go and move on, with what EVER I need to let go of….oh, it’s like sailing through the sky without a parachute….no matter if I die. Truly.
I love being free. And, despite what feel like shackles at times, I am free. Oh, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am. And I relish it.
I can make a change or shift at any time and do whatever the hell I please.
And so I shall and should a comrade I enjoy care to join me, so he or she shall.
From Mr. Tolle, divine wizard that he is:
‘Resistance is an inner contraction, a hardening of the shell of the ego. You are closed. Whatever action you take in a state of inner resistance (which we could also call negativity) will create more outer resistance, and the universe will not be on your side; life will not be helpful. If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in. When you yield internally, when you surrender, a new dimension of consciousness opens up. If action is possible or necessary, your action will be in alignment with the whole and supported by creative intelligence, the unconditioned consciousness, which in a state of inner openness you become one with. Circumstances and people then become helpful, cooperative. Coincidences happen. If no action is possible, you rest in the peace and inner stillness that come with surrender. You rest in God.’
So, rock on…beat your own drum….don’t fret the folks who don’t wanna play….let someone new arrive!!
Try it, and get back to me about what happens! We’ll swap stories! Yippeeee!