BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Our greatest gift… January 31, 2010

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
– James Baldwin, Author and Activist

Our greatest gift to ourselves and certainly to another person, is to see them spiritually….to see the person inside the humanity. This thought just lit a lightbulb in my head after sitting in meditation with a group of folks this evening (great vibe, truly) and after having a conversation with a dear friend as we discussed the evening she learned her husband was terminally ill.

I’m finding that when I view people that way, there is no anger, disappointment, expectation. I can discern who they are more carefully, graciously and generously. Life becomes soooo less personal when viewing instead people as (what I’ll call), ‘light bodies’.

When you spy upon the ‘higher self’, there is only love and forgiveness, you see your true self and the true self behind the masks and egos, fears and upholding of image which we all do. This perspective can’t help but soften even the bulliest of bullies, the undeniable deniers!

And when I remember to go there, when discerning myself or when considering another, I pray only for their ‘arriving’ into who they really are. I’m able to see those parts in people I care about deeply. Behind their ‘shades’, their rhetoric, oh I’m thinking of one dear friend’s cynicism. I laugh at it as it’s all her protective shield; we’ve all got them!
Don’t kid yourself thinking you don’t. Just be kind to yourself as you recognize them and be gentle. Humanity can be rough. Just begin to choose differently, as you are able. And ooh, be patient with yourself.

And yes, I am speaking to myself, and to whomever feels they might benefit from such a thought!

We are all but reflections of one another. Think about that….truly, do! Thank those mirrors which reflect parts of you. What a gift. And when you blame others, what part of you is in that blame…or when you admire, what part of that is just your reflection.

Look who you have attracted into your life and consider why, why? And, what do they have to teach you.

When all is said and done, at the end of our time here, with all our ups, downs, victories, defeats, when the illusion of who we think we are is again shattered, like the glass table on my outside porch which was shattered last evening, perhaps we might work toward what we really need, move into who we really ARE, with no judgement regarding the masquarade we might have lived. We’re always, always in the process of becoming.

And, the energy of living outside that truth, (a lie, if you will), will ALWAYS affect you and those around you. Look around you, your health, the foundations you’re working to build, work, home, with friends, the well being of those who surround you, or not. Are they robust, solid, grounded, truly thriving?? There’s truly no hiding though we might with good intention try, sometimes thinking we are helping others. It doesn’t work.

Living within our authenticity is the gift we give to the world, to others and the manifestation of that truth might look different from how we envisioned our life. But, try it, you’ll be surprised how peace and fulfillment will envelope you. Caroline Myss wrote about this in her beautiful book, Anatomy of the Spirit.

As threatening as that may sound, (and it does often as I move beyond my preconceived ideas of myself and my world), just sit awhile with that idea.

Perhaps it was the full moon ‘wolf’ meditation I just came from, perhaps it’s just that I’ve been praying for a larger perspective, an enlightened ‘aha’ which goes beyond my illusions, my limitations, but which hits a core of something I can really embrace and which helps me love others just as they are….that being enough. Really!

I’ll say it again, ultimately, it’s only the love that remains, should we seek that view. We need sit a moment and step beside perhaps the ‘story’ we’ve created for ourselves, the one we show the world, and trust a deeper inner vision. It’s there to see!

All our desires are worthy, who you are is splendid beyond words, and as far as being lovable, good God…yes!
Yes, yes, yes! And you should have your hearts desire….ALL of it!!

Go to sleep tonight reminding yourself of just that. Please. I will too.

And then go howl at the moon!! I promise, you’ll feel better!!

I do!

BB Webb

 

Unprecedented Times and aren’t we indeed the beneficiaries! January 30, 2010

The Dragon and the Phoenix

Wow! NOW I’m REALLY curious.

When God wants to get your attention, dang if he/she isn’t persistent.

I’m getting it, I’m getting it….really, I am…and I’m laughing here because, damn, for a rather bright woman, I can be so slooow to catch on to some things….DAMN, stubborn as hell too, (in areas). I’m realizing how easy it is for me to get lost in what I’m wanting to create and how I THINK it should all come together. As create I must! I often miss the signs of where I’m being led, as I’m busy hanging out in the projector room, head down, putting the stills of my life together….to get my attention they often finally have to hit me on the head. Ouch!! Ha! I forget how NOT in charge I am.

Honestly, I don’t need tv or the movies, I can just look in the mirror and find ample entertainment!!!

Thank GOD I have a sense of humor or I’d no doubt be jumping off a cliff!

But I am here for some sort of purpose so I do my best to pay attention, even though I’m not always successful, at least until I’ve taken the opportunity to reflect!

So, this morning I woke to two major surprises:

One, while shuffling with my eyes half shut early this morning, headed to my back porch to feed my pups, I found that a HUGE tree in my back forest fell and missed my house by about 8 feet. WOW! 8 feet! And it was HUGE. It could have sliced my house in two. Yeah, WOW! The wind had also knocked my back porch umbrella over, flipped my glass table which is now upside down out back in thousands upon thousands of shattered remnants. Impressive!

I slept through it all!

This was emblematic somehow of the many things which have been crashing one way or another in my world and it’s become like a slideshow of interest to me, when I can sit back and be merely the observer. Things slice left and right but I’m staying fairly well in the middle of it all, despite my protests and dis-ease at times.

And then, upon waking, I remembered that I’d had a dream, or perhaps it was a vision. My dear friend Josie, who died around a month ago, I felt her and saw her during the night. She floated over me with that kind and playful smile that she has and it felt like she was stroking my hair though she was clearly in front of me, about three feet above my head. As I felt the gentleness of this mysterious touch, I heard her say,

‘Let it be easy darling and just let go, let go. It’s safe. You know exactly what to do.’

I woke up not sure if I’d time traveled somewhere in my sleep or if indeed Josie was in my bedroom visiting me in spirit form, but it was very, very real to me.

As I remembered her visit while sipping my morning coffee, looking out at the wreckage on my back porch and right next to it where that enormous tree fell, I felt a peace come over me. Something settled. I felt thankful inside. I brought to my mind all the characters who’d appeared in my personal play over the last year or two….everyone of them. I saw myself bowing to them, with thanks, in gratitude, sincerely, every single one.

And today, tonight on the full moon, I look forward to meditating and listening for what’s up to come….as I have a feeling that it’ll be unprecedented and very, very RIGHT….with less dis-ease and more ease, more fun.


And I hope for the world to be the beneficiary to my intent.

BB Webb

Interpretations of Dragon and the Phoenix
Also: The Myth

 

Arriving Where? said my ego, bent out of shape and scared…. January 29, 2010

…the ego is always scared. He’s the bully in the playground, the boaster of wealth, the Joker, the cocky one who claims to know ‘the way’. He/she is always in attack/protect mode. I know!

I’m allowing Mr. Eckhart Tolle to kick my ego ass this evening. It’s good. I don’t mind a good ass kicking, as long as it’s with a loving intent….and not all are. Trust me on that one, people can be mean and terribly self centered, ha! and the stupid ones don’t even know it. The craftier ones know and pretend they don’t. I’ve seen it. And no doubt fallen into both categories at one time or another.

But I’m waking uuuuup!

Mr. Tolle’s new book, ‘A New Earth’ so far discusses differences between our ego identification and consciousness, how we think we are our minds. Somehow that lead to a discussion with a very old, (and very alive and awake friend), this evening around con-artistry….(I’ll hold that for another blog post). Cons live and breathe ’round every corner.

I learned during my pilgrimage to that lovely horse farm in Normandy, France, nearly a year and a half ago, that no, we’re not our minds, nor our ego, they are merely servants to the soul if we might somehow corral them. I forget that on a daily basis, certainly of late as so many areas of my life are challenged. Fertile ground for growth for sure.

My resistance, defensiveness and reactive nature tells me so. That’s okay, I’m laughing at it all. I am my own playground should I choose. I’m finding that I’m not what I do or what I speak or what my bio says, I’m so much more….no doubt you as well. Maybe.

I know for what I stand. I don’t mind being humbled with my humanness. I only become upset when I feel ‘lesser than’ when experiencing myself in relation to what is happening around me, events, people, circumstances, or by what others say. Silly all that.

It’s important to know for what you truly stand. When I come back home to how that feels in my body, I could care less about really most of anything which surrounds me. But it takes enormous practice for me to stay in my body and out of my mind.

And then something big happened tonight…a veil lifted. Amidst my total exhaustion with things confounding and most of all supreeeeemely disappointing….people, events, bullshit, I realized I could care less. REALLY! I COULD CARE LESS.


FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I can hear the angels hooting and hollering…..blowing raspberries)!

I remembered that I have a choice in EVERY moment on how I behave, despite the shit swirling ’round my ether space. I’ve been putting up SUCH a fight forever….with everything, everyone. I’ve got this drive and passion which needs no approval, it just IS, as I just AM. Whether people embrace me or it matters not. Approval is a drive of the ego. Who gives a bloody crap.

(I feel smutty mouthed tonight and truly, am holding back a bit so’s not to offend you or your mother).

I’ve said it lately and it’s beginning to sink in…..on oneself you must rely. PERIOD.
Where did we think we couldn’t do this or that??
God, look in the mirror, there is power, fight and smarts there if you’ll but listen.

I’m working to stay open to ideas, possibility, but to be less open to most of the world. It’s not honored and frankly, wasted. I’m finding that when people are not truly conscious, they are less likely to be trusted, truly trusted. (I’m not faulting them). And finally, instead of taking it all so personally, I’m choosing a quiet little prayer which I say so no one hears and it’s getting easier to let go and move on. I’m learning to do so with absolute love.

And when I do let go and move on, with what EVER I need to let go of….oh, it’s like sailing through the sky without a parachute….no matter if I die. Truly.
I love being free. And, despite what feel like shackles at times, I am free. Oh, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am. And I relish it.

I can make a change or shift at any time and do whatever the hell I please.

And so I shall and should a comrade I enjoy care to join me, so he or she shall.

From Mr. Tolle, divine wizard that he is:

‘Resistance is an inner contraction, a hardening of the shell of the ego. You are closed. Whatever action you take in a state of inner resistance (which we could also call negativity) will create more outer resistance, and the universe will not be on your side; life will not be helpful. If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in. When you yield internally, when you surrender, a new dimension of consciousness opens up. If action is possible or necessary, your action will be in alignment with the whole and supported by creative intelligence, the unconditioned consciousness, which in a state of inner openness you become one with. Circumstances and people then become helpful, cooperative. Coincidences happen. If no action is possible, you rest in the peace and inner stillness that come with surrender. You rest in God.’

So, rock on…beat your own drum….don’t fret the folks who don’t wanna play….let someone new arrive!!
Try it, and get back to me about what happens! We’ll swap stories! Yippeeee!

BB Webb

 

The steamin’ high road…potholes and all… January 28, 2010

Today was like driving an old truck up a dry creek bed….the ups and downs of emotions like bobbing buoys at sea.

A line of thought came to me today…

….steam, turns to water, turns to rivers, turns to oceans, salty oceans teaming with life.

I’m only building up steam, washing away the things and people who no longer belong in my universe.

I didn’t know how much steam I had inside me…..and it’ll burn some people should they get too close.

I’m realizing when provoked or inspired, I have an endless supply and it’s only building.

I was sitting with a flood of emotions which hit me today around 11am as almost euphoric. I had to dance in my bathroom awhile and sing quite loud while listening to music to nurture and build what I felt, the high I was riding on momentarily. I had a new idea for some things which lifted me up. I felt like you do when you stick your head outside the car window and the breeze hits you like a splash of cool, river water on your face.

I love that place. Anything is possible. The steam takes you up like an air balloon and there is no limit, none at all. I enjoy that place, maybe live a bit for it.

I can often move myself to a place to fabricate these moments, or I can imagine a person in that regard though again and again I place them up too high and it’s not fair. People are people…busy with their own worlds, issues, fears, ego trappings. But ooooooohhh…..I see so much more in them and I’m so often disappointed as the potential in others which I feel falls like a fighter plane whirling dervishly out of control.

And the ironic thing is….it’s all make believe, fabrication, projection. I need to be better at sitting with ‘what is’ and not expect more but rather be delighted if there is more. More, more, more she cried!

But I’m a vision person, I see far ahead and create colorful worlds out in front of me. How I wish at times I had someone to bring me gently back to solid ground. I tend to fly so high up that when ‘the way things are’ smacks me upside the head, I fall fast from my lofty sky place and damn if it doesn’t hurt like hell when I hit the ground.

I have a friend I watch who is a more black and white personality than I. She doesn’t look ahead much and can’t see what I see, certainly not in people. And she’s so funny, one day they are good to her, worthy, deserving, fair, lovely, and the next, she scorns them for this, that or the other thing. Fortunately she’s not at all that way with me, not that I know of anyway. I’m teaching her to consider the ‘high road’ as I call it, a place where there is less judgement.

I don’t have a black and white view of the world. Though I endeavor to watch my own defensiveness, (all protection from feeling hurt, really), By taking ‘the high road’, the perspective that ‘it’s not done til it’s done’ is my assessment of others, I remain open, very open to new possibilities. Perhaps I want to see the best in everyone realized so I’d rather wait, wait to be surprised to see someone get the grand ‘aha’ and do what I feel is the right thing or make a more noble, caring, compassionate, loving choice. To emerge more transparent, or at least translucent.

‘But maybe,’ I consider, ‘maybe I haven’t waited long enough.’

I used to wait for my (former) husband to be more loving, more affectionate, to see me differently. He said that I rushed him, it needed to happen in his time. 6 years of marriage I figured was long enough. It took awhile to lose the attachment to the outcome I desired. It was clearly somewhere else to find. Perhaps within myself was a good place to start.

So today, today I am working to release the need to see people transform, do what I wish they’d do. But ooooh, I am like scotch tape, I adhere, I stick to my projections….I want to birth my vision of what I feel is the best in things, in people, with communication for sure. I wonder how they can’t see it in themselves, what I see.

I become equally passionate with my inspiration in moments and at other times feel entirely provoked by my expectation, storming about with a head full of tea pot steam, on full boil, whistling like a sailor.

Perhaps if I could hold no attachment to an outcome I’d be better served. I’m not there yet, I’m just not. I think I can read people well and gee, then DAMN if I’m not foiled again and again. It’s best if I can see their eyes. Then I know. Then I see so much more.

Or maybe, just maybe I don’t know the whole story and I’ll be surprised one day and a situation will really throw me for a loop. Oh I’d like that. I’m surprised by so little of late, other than people’s consistent attachment to the dark….and sometimes I see that in my own mirror.

But only in moments….then I put my flashlight back on, and look to see who might be ready to shine, I mean to REALLY shine with great light and in the ultimate, unadulterated, absolute truth.

And then, oh then might I be amply surprised. And you’ll hear me yelp with great joy and great pleasure and I’ll probably dance in the hallway and out in the yard.

I’m ready for a change. A whopping BIG change.

And I’ll then buy the entire world a round of their favorite beverage. I’ll have us all lift our glasses and bellow, ‘here mates, here’s to taking the ‘high road’!’

I will! You just watch me.

BB Webb

 

Courting Possibility. January 25, 2010

I found myself today at the Duluth County Courthouse. I am guilty. I was going 60mph in a 45mph zone. I was hurrying, (typically my story), to a coaching session this past November, and honestly was NOT paying the proper attention to my driving.

I still talk on my cell phone while driving, with an earbud if I haven’t misplaced it. (It’s so small)! I do however pull over to text, (thanks to Brian Cork’s texting and driving blog post). (Check out the recent news regarding texting and driving….encouraging indeed).

Doing anything other than driving (while driving) is ludicrous, selfish and stupid, though most of us do find ourselves drinking coffee, talking on our phones, setting our GPSs, peeling and eating oranges (me)…..I’ve seen people READING….and yes, texting!

At any rate, there I sat at court. I was hoping I might be able to take a defensive driving class to avoid getting my speeding ticket listed on my insurance record, ruining my clean slate in that area.

It was a lovely room where I sat, new, clean, spacious, rows of pew like benches with no kneeling benches, the room no doubt paid for by citation payments such as my own. But, the energy in the room was questionable. I’ve been feeling a lot of ‘thick’ energy of late, in fact, tossed and turned until 3:45am this morning mitigating a way to swim out of the murkiness I’d been feeling.

A tv Judge now appears on screen before the flesh and blood bloke appears to determine our various fates. He was followed on screen by a Spanish speaking woman repeating the same lengthy message. They talked about all kinds of citations, what was going to happen now during our stay, how we need to carefully fill out our paperwork…spell our names correctly.

There were a number of Officers in the room, though none of them smiled, one tried to, but caught himself. And I noticed that NO one said ‘thank you’ after ordering us about. ‘Thank you’ takes a moment to say. Or ‘please’,

‘please move this way ma’am.’
‘I sure will, thank you for letting me know Officer.’

I wonder what their moms would think about such lack of good manners.

‘Move behind the sign’….(please)….it could transform the feeling in the room. Transform the world, really.

I’m sure these Officers have at one time or another driven too fast. Wouldn’t they want someone to say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ as they were corralled like cattle from room to room? Sure they would.

So here we all sat, offenders of many sorts. We’d all taken time off from work to plead our cases regarding one thing or another. Some people came with attorneys with their meters running. Ooooh, I felt their pain having been in that particular taxi cab.

I realized I was feeling discouraged this morning, with the world, with the fear, the anxiety, the hopelessness that visits me often when I feel murky energy, a dull vibration in a room, within myself. I realize then that I must turn my light up, amp up my voltage meter, begin to embue the surrounds with a different buzz. When I do it works. I decided at that moment to contend that everyone was fair and basically good. I could feel the space around me lighten.

I wonder how we might help one another more, support each other with the weight of the world on each of us. No one is exempt. There are lessons to be learned, surely, but I want to shine a light. I want better solutions. I want people to get along, to understand one another better, to stop fighting and defending….so here I was, asking for help, asking for a break in my sentence, ringing my cow bell.

I have high expectations of myself and others and I know, I know, the danger in having expectations is the same as the downfall of being attached to something….the better choice being perhaps to intend one thing or another, but to not worry about the outcome….it’s truly not up to us.

Our pain comes from attachment. Period.

Finally my call to visit with Mr Prosecutor. He was actually a bit cheery and brought a surprise my way, (I swear he was flirting)…

‘You look so nice today Ms. Webb in your jacket and scarf. I’ll do better than have you go to driving class, oh and you filled out your paperwork, good, good, very good…. I’ll reduce your points so this ticket does not go on your record which has NO other speeding violations. Very good, very good, model citizen. You need only pay the fine and be on your way after meeting with the Judge.’

I swear, THAT was a first. (And I was NOT flirting, just smiling). And yes, I filled out my paperwork, was that so big a feat? He made it seem so. Then he added,

‘Oh we’re only a month apart in age.’ I quickly left the room. Oh brother.

(I was however most grateful).

Back I went to my church pew in the court house to read my Eckhart Tolle book (more on that soon), (coincidence, no)! waiting for my name to be called to visit with the Grand Pubah, the Great Wizard with white hair and mustache, as good ole boy as they come. And finally, ‘Barbara Banta Webb.’

It seems there were a lot of people going 60 in a 45 that day. The Judge could have pre-recorded his summons. I thanked him, smiled and was ordered to a nearby seat to await my name being called again.

‘Barbara Banta Webb!’…..I quickly gathered my book, purse, coat, but not quickly enough,
‘BARBARA BANTA WEBB!’
‘Coming, I’m just getting my coat.’
I flashed her a smile, (she wasn’t smiling). As I walked past the judge, I flashed him a pearly one too, then out to where the large woman in orange who had ordered me earlier to,
‘Take your cell phone to your car’, she then ordered me to a waiting line to pay my fine.
‘Stand behind the sign’. I apparently walked too far.
‘STAND BEHIND THE SIGN.’ I moved backwards,
‘Oh, okay’, and I flashed her big smile and held it there until she turned away, giving me nothing but her backside.

Finally my turn at the window.

‘Hi!’ I beamed, ‘How much do I owe please?’
From behind the glass, ‘$178.35.’
‘Ouch’ came my reply with, yep, a big smile, she looked surprised, paused a moment and then gleamed a pearly one my way!
Ahhhhh, a connection, a moment. A win!

No one smiles when paying a fine, but I wanted to. My ticket was a great reminder. I need to slow down. I need to smile more. I need to be the change agent in this world. I need to make a difference by BEING different.

And today, I was.

BB Webb

 

Finding Home. January 24, 2010

I’ve felt a bit alien in my own skin and frankly in the world in which I live of late, astonished by what I perceive as the barren-ness of some, (I’ll call them), ‘belief systems’ I’ve encountered recently, evidenced by the people who demonstrate those belief systems by their actions. I’m not judging them, though would rather surround myself with more positive influences and energy. So, I’ve been hunting…not unlike a lioness, as I’m hungry to find my ‘tribe’.

I was at a networking last week and met a delightful woman, both an attorney, wife, mother and President of a local arts organization in her town. We are the same age and had lots to talk about even though the roles we play are rather different. There was an immediate connection and I relished it, certainly after presently feeling so dis-connected in other areas of my life.

She shared having recently read a book which talked about finding our ‘tribe’, our family outside our biological families. The people with whom we resonate, who inspire us, challenge us in supportive ways, who have our best interests in mind who as I’ve referred to in earlier blog posts, might be part of that ‘rocking chair family’ who we travel with maybe til we are ready to set into our own sunsets.

I recently came upon a quote which caught my attention:

“Our life is not a problem to be solved. There are callings to be answered and mysteries to be lived.”

Richard Leider, Author of ‘Something to Live For’

I feel those callings indeed and am circling around my domain, watching, asking questions, curious as to the plethora of feelings prompted by the many mysteries making my search for something which makes more sense to me, for living my life, and creating the world I prefer to inhabit.

With a dear friend’s visit to my home this weekend, a fellow ‘tribe member’, we have shared all manner of conversations both meaningful and fullfilling and certainly supportive of one another and encouraging to our next steps and our expanding as spiritual beings having these curious human experiences. In my search for a ‘family’ of sorts to share more like minded conversations, interests and pursuits, she introduced me to something new, a resource online to help connect folks to groups of people who have interests much like my own, or yours, close to where we live. It is called http://www.meetup.com

Here you can plug in whatever interests you might have be it sports, tapestry making, religion, business interests, investing, athletic interests, metaphysics, you name it and there are people in your community who probably would enjoy meeting you.

So, I have signed up to expand my circle of connections in person, not just online, but face to face throughout the Atlanta area.

It only takes one person to impact your life in a positive way, one new spark of thinking or way of being to shift your path in a terrific way. Our resources are many. And certainly our satisfaction and joy is linked only to our ability to perceive what it is we want to create and to allow all good things in, while certainly, releasing what no longer works.

So, have at it. And good luck on your journey, may you find the people who will help you move more into who you intend to be, or rather, who you are meant to be. Allow your soul to flourish as it’s certainly meant to! The possibilities are manyfold.

And only because it’s so true and such a lovely piece of music and words….I’ll share again, (below), The Weepies song, ‘All Good Things’. Perhaps we might, with love, say good-bye to the folks who no longer fit and hello in eager anticipation of the new forces, transformations within those we love or new people, and deep and loving connections coming our way. Because, they ARE if you believe they are, and I do, despite my darkest times and biggest disappointments. I choose to focus ONLY on the love, for ultimately….ultimately, that’s all there is, if you choose it. Truly. Sleep on that one. Truly.

Or as my mother said just before dying, ‘remember the good things honey!’ And so I will and add to it, ‘and INTEND those to come.’ And so it is!

With love,

BB Webb

 

Just Keep Showing Up… January 20, 2010

I’m at the airport, connected finally to the internet, waaaay early for meeting my sister-in-law in from Germany to visit during her layover, and somehow, (a first), I’m not interested in people watching….as the flood of emails has grown in being out of my office networking for two days. I’m wondering when it all becomes too much. And then I consider the firehose of info I send out daily, (I know, I know) and it reminds me that too much caffeine is probably not a good idea for me!

I was born running and it’s just the pace to which I’m accustomed. I’m not saying whether it’s good or bad, it just is, anyhow, for now as my other choices don’t seem reasonable. I’m finding too, that when the day is done, it’s on yourself you must rely. I often try to fool myself thinking it might be different. I often live in a fantasy-land….the blessing and curse to a creative soul. I’m trying to learn to separate that thinking though I’m not very successful at it, at least yet.

I yesterday drove myself to Atlanta to a networking for lunch (among great women) and in the evening to Athens for another networking, (and yet ANOTHER great group of women). Of course, then there is follow up, more correspondence…. and on it goes as we work to build out businesses, to reach out to help others and allow them to serve us should they choose.

At my morning event, I attended a Results Count ‘recognition’ ceremony with Atlanta Women in Business.

I received the recognition in 2006 and was entirely delighted to attend and be there for the deserved recipient this year, Barbara Giamanco. I hated that I missed the announcement of her recognition as I flashed out for a potty break, but when I came in to this group of 30 or 40 women, at Maggiano’s Restaurant, I found the recipient, a most ironically bold and stealthy woman, (and she knows VERY WELL my loving intent with that statement), holding back tears. I could feel my entire body soften and cave in with the softness and vulnerability of her moment.

And then she said something which moved me in a way that surprised me and makes me tear up as I write this. She said something like, ‘throughout the year I just kept showing up and showing up,’ and I felt her struggle, her pain, similar to yours and mine.

I realized at that moment that it is our job is to just keep showing up…not just in business, but in life. Despite the heartache, the disappointments, the sudden shifts in our back account, the people who come and go….we need to just keep showing up. The victories are easy to show up for, but they bring up what isn’t that and I think THAT is where the emotion comes from, the tears….recognizing what you’ve been through and THAT perhaps is what makes the victories, the small recognitions we get from time to time, so thoughtful, so unexpected and so special. Someone witnessed and recognized your journey and gave it life.

When I received my recognition in 2006, in my most BB trained way, I rose to the occasion, (there was a big group in attendance as it was announced during a conference). I spoke some heartfelt words, held myself together, as I am so trained to do. I’m an actress, I know how to pretend if I have to, certainly good at the ‘tough it out’ stuff, don’t let anyone see your terror and certainly not your heartache, save those vulnerabilities for the few people who you can be all of yourself with, who honor you all the more for doing so, who treasure that you trusted them in that way.

At the first break in the ceremonies, I went directly behind the building of the conference center, a side entrance made of total concrete near the dumpsters, doubled over and cried for 15 minutes straight…and I’m not a big crier. Somebody had noticed the work, my intent, that I’d been showing up day after day working to figure out how to grow my business, how to battle the challenges, how to win, grow, serve my customers, encourage my team. I cried until my face was puffy and my eyes red.

I realized then, that there was no one to call and that it was really MY moment, my moment to just be okay with it all and that I was doing my job and that the rough terrain was just a part of the overall picture. I had to be there for me, no one else really, and when they are, it’s icing.

The victories are when you pull your head up and say, ‘wow, things are really going to be okay,’….and you take a breath and the tears create a resting place, a needed resting place. They act as a milestone perhaps.

This all made me consider the people who show up for me when they do. They certainly come and they go, but how thankful I am for the people who have shown up when they did and how they served and honored me during their tenure and I am thankful in advance for the ones yet to come.

I hope I might be the presence to help others along, to show up in their lives, bold, ready, fearless each and every day. My heart will be right there with them, with you possibly.

Congrats to Barb Giamanco and to everyone who just continues to SHOW UP. Life can be a bitch at times and she certainly is not for the weak of heart….oh no….not one bit, of this I am sure, certainly if your passions are big and your heart wide open.

BB Webb