BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

‘One must still have chaos in oneself… December 25, 2009

….to be able to give birth to a dancing star.’ I didn’t say that, it was all Friedrich Nietzsche…that wily German classical Scholar, Philosopher and Critic of culture, 1844-1900.

He also said, ‘There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness,’ and…

‘I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.’

And whoa….let’s not forget his thoughts on God……’I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.’

I like his thinking….I understand chaos, have never been a herd cow, certainly where religion sprouts its seed and, in terms of trust and love, I understand both madness and disappointment and I struggle with them both though prefer to be a bit mad and certainly covet my alone, ‘thinking’ time, and well, I am full of forgiveness though that doesn’t mean I tarry necessarily with those I no longer trust. That’s just me.

There is so much to experience in one lifetime. I am grateful this morning to have a discerning nature and the freedom to move about as I please. Really.

So where am I going with all this….I’m not entirely sure, though, something around the idea of why are we all here on the planet?

It’s early morning on this Christmas day. My biological family is in snowy Montana, my best friend in south Georgia with her ‘mama and them,’ and I have allowed myself the distinct luxury of sleeping til I awoke, a strong cup of joe on my bedside table, kitties strew sleeping on my bed, my comfiest sleepwear and nothing but solitude and time to nestle in while our country’s citizens scramble under the tree opening gifts, with all that entails, delight, hope perhaps, disappointment, resignation or possibly gratitude.

I’ve filled the birdfeeder which sits outside my bedroom window where I have a small porch. I watch the birds navigate in, small aviators with their eye on my small gift to them, seed morsels. My blondie dog Ernie lays on the wet wood outside my bedroom french doors to the small porch, guarding as he does, one of my many protectors watching out for me. I all the while languish neatly and warmly inside my hideaway palace, grateful for the time alone to sit, consider the rest of the world and my plans for moving stealthfully forward from this past year and the many episodes which are creating stories for my projects.

And so, Mr, Nietzsche’s thoughts fill my brain as I consider my own need for both order and chaos, certainly breaks from tradition. I relish time to incubate new thinking, to sit and consider what I love and who I love and with nothing but a warmth surrounding both considerations….one which begs for a plan, the other which I allow to just sit inside me, feeling a smile forming as I merely experience its presence, not really needing anything much to evolve but experience this feeling inside myself.

How far I have come from the angst and longing of finding love outside my own periphery, out of reach. I have found that my love of anything, a person, a moment, a view, a dream….it’s all within me, merely reflected in what I see. There is no needing to go outside myself to feel it’s presence or warmth. This realization is my greatest gift this morning.

Maybe Christ was born today, but I am more thankful for knowing how to separate me and my thoughts from the maddening crowd, from the pull of tradition and culture and of course for a day away from my normal activities to sit, breathe, appreciate love and longing, God and the swirl of luscious and chaotic thoughts inside my brain. From experience I know these thoughts will soon organize themselves into something I create, something I will form into a shape which might give meaning, lift a spirit, create consternation in some, provide resources to me and others. All this happening while I sit nestled in my safe and cozy bed, finding a new meaning for this day we call Christmas.

May we all feel forever awake, alive and full of creative possibilities for our own growth and potential.

Merry, Happy, Holiday to you….in all its varied meanings. I wish you all good things….and the ability to see your life through that preferred lens. And then shall you truly thrive!

With love, always…

BB Webb

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