Isn’t it the truth. How many times have I known, for SURE, that angels were hovering about me as I did one stupid thing or another….drove like a maniac and should have run head long into a wall or fallen down a rabbit hole smothered myself by putting my foot in my mouth. I am surrounded by love, it is indeed the truth.
Why do we doubt? Why do we doubt that each encounter we have is only evidence of the opportunities we have to stretch, to see how able and sure we really are, how tenacious or resolved, tender, human, alert. I get opportunities each and every day. This week I swear I had 32. I had to come home before dark tonight to just rest awhile. I had to catch my breath from it all. I don’t know when I’d been more weary.
How interesting when I reflected today on how public we all really are despite assuming a degree of anonimity. I write a blog that could ostensibly go out to hundreds upon thousands of people….throughout the universe.
(Well, only 24 or sometimes 28 people read it a day on average. Once 128 people in one day, only ’cause my friend sent it to her network of friends. Unlike my biz coach, Brian Patrick Cork who is now getting an average of 30,000 readers a day. Zoowie-cats!)
I’m finding my way, my voice, my future really through writing, sorting through things, seeing what sticks, for me or anyone else. Somehow having at least a few people baring witness, as I mention on the margin of this blog, makes a difference, even though the handful of you are pretty darn quiet.
How ironic though that if ever the summons arose, all our text, email and voice mail records might be revealed through the government, though the surveillance systems which like Big Brother in 2001, A Space Odyssey, have us covered, watched, scrutinized perhaps…we are tapped in every way. It’s awful really.
Only a hand written letter, maybe is private, if not found out by a spying relative or jealous boyfriend. Perhaps my letter to a dear girl friend might be discovered by her daughter but spread throughout the news for my potentially scandelous views or outlook on the world…..hardly.
It’s interesting. Freedom of speech… but good heavens, don’t let your views be too widely read as eeeeeeekkk….. they might not be shared by everyone and boom, your career as Cashier at the Piggly Wiggly MIGHT be in jeopardy.
I like to consider that my years are numbered here on this plane. I’m 52 years old…(not sure how I reached that number and am equally surprised at how I feel that I’m only getting started on things), but wow, when I consider that my reign, tenure, stay on this planet does indeed have some human limits, why in heaven’s name would I feel tentative about being who I am.
Well, we all must wake and see our neighbor who might not like our views. I prefer a measure of privacy, despite this role I feel I was given as town, or rather country or maybe global crier. There is something I was brought here to share. It’s incubating as I was 52 years ago in my 1957 hospital incubator….Weighing in at just 4.5 pounds, I needed time to develop….and I’m at 52 years of age, weighing in at a good bit more, developing clearly for this next move forward, which will be perhaps the real purpose for being here at all.
Maybe all the rest is just boot camp, preparation for the full Monty, the big bang, the epicurean feast I’m meant to deliver. And I will, I have no choice. So, ‘belly up to the bar’ I tell my scared, tentative, or tender self….it’s what you were brought here to do….silly. (I add silly to allow some grace to my sense of being).
Funny how you just know things.
None-the-less, (my new favorite word, or expression….this week), there are times when feeling a warm embrace or someone patting your head in recognition of your purpose and the challenges and awkwardness it brings, would feel ultra fine, just a place to rest momentarily before the goblin and ghouls work their savvy on your resolve. A shoulder to fall into for a moment, a few moments maybe. I place to rest and catch your breath.
I shared this with a business colleague who promised to put on his agenda, ‘give BB a hug’. I had to laugh. Goodness, has it come to that. I appreciated the sentiment none-the-less, (there it is again), and realized that I am so grateful to begin to create a community around me that is far from Ozzie and Harriet, but my family none-the…….my family or sorts. I’m envisioning and creating a world that works for me. There are so many I’ve tried on which just didn’t.
And the moments which feel lonely, they are no different than when I was lost in a crowd or amongst ‘family’ which didn’t resonate with who I am. I don’t need to BE next to the ones I love, but imagining them near, close really, keeps my heart warm, even when I feel as though I just can’t go it alone one more moment.
I always do, and where I find myself, well, I’ve found myself throughout the years in astounding places. And thankfully I am always there, available, eager, and ready to give my all to whatever, whomever and most importantly, to me.
God bless the ones who arrive as they do….angels in human-garb. I see them. I know who they really are.
And it makes me both weak in the knees and a bit teary in fact, as they don’t really know who they are yet themselves. My job here is to let them know. And oooh, what a privilege to get to play this role and to shine light on the ones who see me, as well, in ways I cannot.
Oh God, some days it’s just too much to take in. So today, I came home from work BEFORE dark, wow, surrounded myself with kind, thoughtful loving animals, poured myself a glass of ruby red wine, and sat down to write to you.
….and to the angels who surround you this very moment.