BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Hurt and Sober November 30, 2009

I learned a boatload today and I feel all the growth pains. At the moment it feels just awful. I know I have angels who swarm around and protect me (from myself mostly) and who make sure I get a speeding ticket (today) to make sure I don’t have a crash and kill myself. They know I have ‘miles to go before I sleep.’ The lessons are coming like artillary fire….and I’m somehow still here.

I am recalling a conversation I had with a friend, possibly 6 or 7 months into knowing one another. This friend said, ‘you’ve never disappointed me.’ I responded that, ‘I will.’ Not intentionally of course, but it happens with folks we care about from time to time.

The ones who stay despite at least SOME disappointments, are maybe the keepers.

I have maybe three close, friends, all different in how they interact in my life. I think they all might one way or another die for me. Take that metaphorically or physically.

With regard to physically taking a hit for me, I’d prefer they wouldn’t as I couldn’t live with the guilt….so just let me die please….I’ll be fine!…(though 2 of them would clearly find ways to save BOTH of us, they are just THAT good).

Being ultra perceptive, these three friends know me very, very well, my heart, where I’m weak and apparently where I’m strong, (I’m still learning about that part of me). I’m floored, honored really by their friendship and support of me.

One friendship is just a year old though has the profile to be a ‘rocking chair’ pal, though I don’t think we’ll be messing about much in rocking chairs. My love and loyalty was tested today. I inadvertently threw this person, who is so dear to me, who I hold closely in my heart, under the bus.

I didn’t mean to, was merely thoughtless and cowardly probably, afraid to piss someone else off who I frankly don’t care for one bit. Someone who knows me not at all and who is self serving and not very savvy. It was poor judgment on my part. I wasn’t thinking before pressing that dangerous SEND button. My unsavvy ploy didn’t work as intended. Transparency and truth I realized is always the best choice.

After realizing my error, I immediately consulted with my best friend 2Lu. She’s always honest with me and loves me from stem to stern. I’ve not ever had a friend like her. I rely on her frank assessments. My trust in her is off the charts. I asked her, ‘if I’d hurt your feelings or inadvertently threw you under the bus, would you forgive me and keep your heart open to allow me to continue to earn your friendship?’

‘I’d have forgiven you before you did it.’ I had no words but got all teary as I seem to be over-the-top emotional this week.

I aspire to be as loving, thoughtful, understanding as my few dear friends. They’re smart too….(AND good looking)! Whether they feel exactly the same about me matters not, I must say my heart is filled with so much love for them. I can’t help it and am not exactly sure why, but it just is. It is overflowing, like bread dough in a bowl with too much yeast. It just continues to grow.

So today, I get to practice the hardest forgiveness of all…..of myself. I’d rather die than be disloyal or unkind, would jump under a bus for my few friends…though today my actions looked far the contrary.

Later this evening, 2Lu shared with me, ‘in order to change, you need to hurt and be sober.’ Think about it, it’s true. She runs DUI schools. She knows.

I am both hurting and sober today. I’m also filled with gratitude that they, and the angels who flutter about me, showed up when they did. TRULY!

I’m but a mere crag without their reflection of and confidence IN me.

The Times They Are A Changin

Come writers and critics

Who prophesize with your pen

And keep your eyes wide

The chance won’t come again

And don’t speak too soon

For the wheel’s still in spin

And there’s no tellin’ who

That it’s namin’.

For the loser now

Will be later to win

For the times they are a-changin’.

Bob Dylan 1963

BB Webb

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Through a Woods Clearly November 29, 2009

These times are trying indeed….one pellet, then two, the third sneaks up on you…not full shots, just little annoying hits, trying to take one off course. But my course is clear, it always has been….though the road I travel keeps changing.

And it is this time of year I think of Robert Frost. His words transport me in a lovely and needed way. There is always help. We need just look around and more importantly, within.

I have always preferred the woods.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

BY ROBERT FROST

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sounds the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

BB Webb

 

RE-venge November 24, 2009

Filed under: LIfe — BB Webb @ 9:32 am
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A friend shared with me today that revenge is taking poison thinking it’ll kill someone else.

I don’t do revenge.

I prefer dancing and the light.

BB Webb

 

This just in from the Universe… November 21, 2009

‘Any attempt to measure one’s progress in life with an assessment of their present physical surroundings, or even a panoramic glance at their life and times to date, is just plain “whacked.” The reason being, is that each journey, kind of like a haircut, should never be fully appraised until it’s complete. Otherwise, one might mistaken a miracle-in-the-making for a setback, loss, or the “wet-look.”

Your cosmic barber and de-whacker,

The Universe’ (courtesy http://www.tut.com)

I’d concur….it just ain’t over til ‘the fat, over-the-top, contented lady sings….or dances, really!’

BB Webb

 

Time Travel November 20, 2009

Filed under: Reflection — BB Webb @ 8:39 pm
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Yesterday is but today’s teacher and tomorrow the mirror of our lesson’s learned.

How visionary and adaptable we are with the process helps certainly with the buoyancy of our travel.

Another week ‘down’, like meteors passing, with storms of great measure, lightning splitting solid ground, thunder rocking all foundations and the hail, the mighty hail.

And me with no head gear.

But I am fine.

I hope, pray really to stay wide awake for it all…. to REMEMBER….. as I look forward with great pleasure to sitting in a circle of friends to share stories of it all.

BB Webb

 

Truth or dare….. November 17, 2009

Truth, light, transparency and savvy always wins. And by winning, i am referring to working toward the ‘good’. And might I define good? Perhaps good is taking responsibility, doing well onto others, respecting your limits, encouraging growth.

Truth or dare. I dare you to own up to all that you are….the glorious pieces, the less developed victim-y sides.

Do yourself a favor and blow it all to the wind and see how damn good you can be….on your own, without blaming others, without taking sides, just by being all that you can be and learning from the stuff that shows up that pisses you off, makes you feel little, scares you, turns you into a low ebb-er.

Fill that tank full of YOU and stop giving away your power says I. I know….I’ve been on both sides of the deck. And I like it full. I prefer a full deck.

I’m rambling tonight, full of images, photos, possibilities for how I might sit with satisfaction a spell in my life. What might it feel like to fill MY well and sit a spell?

I might just give it a try. Just look in the mirror at how absolutely beautiful you are…..just as you are…..just as you are….. without having to flaunt, put another down, just by sitting in a chair. Come on, I dare you to see the truth!

I’m a bit full of sap tonight….weary of the dark….it’s time for the light to shine ALL the way through….good GOD we all have SO much to be thankful for each and every day. Celebrate, honestly, celebrate the hell out of life while you are here. I’ll state it hear….I shun the dark….

it’s so…..dark.

How deep is your well?

BB Webb

 

Sage the hallways of your life and set yourself free… November 16, 2009

Funny really how we can hold ourselves back from time to time and not even know it til someone helps to open up a new avenue to set you free. We create our own whipping posts.

Bring it on I say, each challenge a new opportunity to further set myself free.

And appropriate I think, a passionate and most grand version of the Allman Brother’s ‘Whippin Post’ performed by Frank Zappa.

So….go on….stop blaming other people for the stuff that shows up in your life. Take back your power and unleash yourself from the whipping post.

Go on now….and don’t forget to say ‘thank you!’

BB Webb