I’m curious about words and the power they hold. Consider how words come and go in popularity, fashion. I remember years ago my brother suddenly adopting, ‘later’, as his good-bye to me, my brother or mom. ‘Later, man’, actually. One day it was ‘see ya’, the next day ‘later, man’, really without warning.
I was not too long ago informed that in today’s vernacular, (among young folks in particular), to ‘hook up’ means to have sex with someone where as to ‘connect’ is to get together. When I hear unaware colleagues, (more around my age), share how they’d like to ‘hook up’ with me over coffee to discuss one business issue or another, I can feel my forehead wrinkle with qunadary. ‘At Starbucks….really….I didn’t know you FELT that way.’ They are merely unknowing. A tall, frothy, mocha latte with carmel drippings coupled with public sex, (as lovely as that might be), is really not my thing. Certainly not at Starbucks!
Words come and go and are always infused with one meaning or another. I find it all curious.
So, I am pondering the word discipline and what its impact is on me. I yearn for more discipline in much of what I say I want and how I go about achieving one goal or another, though I don’t like following rules. So…when I feel my own self proclaimed intentions are caught up against a feeling of discipline defined as…
an instrument of punishment, esp. a whip or scourge, used in the practice of self-mortification or as an instrument of chastisement in certain religious communities.
…whoooooa Nelly, damn if I don’t somehow sabotage myself.
I then look at what I want and wonder why I’m the only one in the way of my GETTING it.
Then I consider THIS outlook to bolster my journey toward my said desire…
activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
Okay…..I’m encouraged here, bolstered forward, excited as I can feel the win, I get it….though back comes…
behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army. Training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
…and damn if I don’t break out in a cold sweat, am ready to bolt and a ‘pissed off’ gene seems to recklessly take control. I must have had a most distasteful army incident in a previous lifetime!
My mentors need be sneaky and masterful in keeping me directed toward my own potential. Though I am learning to be my own best advocate and cheerleader; patterns and who I am can certainly create challenges. Again I am reminded that I must make things what they ARE so I might change them.
So, my work is evident AND self awareness rules. My need to become conscious of why I do or don’t do what I say I want is key.
And as a side result, as I become compassionate toward my own frailties, I might become more compassionate toward others. Maybe.
Humanity. A pickelish state indeed!
So tonight I’m sitting with this thought of discipline and how maybe I need a new word to walk me down the path toward my most EXCITING dreams.