When I get clear about things….I just don’t mess around. I hang on like plankton till I’m sure there is no way out, no way in, no way through or no way else. When I commit to something, damn it if I’m not in…but when I’m out….’heeeey, where’d she go??’ I just don’t like to hang around. I have other fish I’m damned if I ain’t gonna fry.
I once made a decision to move out of state on a Friday and was gone Sunday, house and LOTS of ‘stuff’ loaded, animals packed, memberships dissolved. And my new house was settled by Wednesday….and no, there was no sleep in between. It’s just me. That’s how I do things. I’m a manic fool, I admit. I don’t care. I like it that way.
When I’m in, I’m in, when I’m out! Seeeeeeee yaaaaaa! And I don’t look back….at least not much. My heart might need mending (or not) and I don’t miss much once I leave…I like the thrill of unchartered territory. I like potential. I’d like to have a love interest who relishes the same.
Imagine a love affair that turns into a voyage fathoms deep, to the far edges of the moon, inside a volcano and back around and underneath the sea. Imagine the courage to keep it all moving and fresh and new….interesting, full, loving, sweet, complex, intense, angry, passionate. Someone to move from state to state with if you choose. I choose that one. Or pick me, pick me….I’ll go there.
I’m not talking roller coaster, I’m talking journey to the far reaches of possibility between two spiritually robust beings having awesome human experiences.
Ahhhhh, come on now….it’s just a choice. Free will, attract what you choose. Create your own miracles. Create your own shit.
I had a boyfriend once, a ridiculously tall, lovely and talented man with a Roman nose which I loved. He was eccentric and a great juggler, of all kinds of sticks and clubs and balls and such…. and very self centered, which sort of amused me. He had a temper, (though not at me) and would chase people on the sidewalks of Boston in his big orange van if they made him mad. I liked him. He was funny and a silly goose really. Talented as all get-out. We played and hung out for a number of years and when it was over….it was over. A little sadness, a little disappointment, but it was what it was. I was good at recognizing timelines back then.
I went through a period, in my 30s mostly, where I just could not see that things come and go….I was adamant on making things stick, muscling them into the way I wanted them to be, clearly missing the magic of interaction and flow. I’m getting to a place where the flow is possibly returning and I see everything as a gift. Oooooh, I can bitch and moan, but I don’t really take myself seriously….I roll with my moods, my hormones, my entertaining ups and downs. I like living large. I am amused by my own ridiculousness….much as I was by my tall Roman nosed fellow back in my Beantown days.
So tonight…I am all about the taste of Watermelon and how I can’t imagine not having it a regular part of my life before now. It’s succulent, (who DOESN’T like SUCCULENT), sweet, I LOVE the texture and well, it fills you up, it’s satisfying.
Yet I know, I know me….I’ll be all over nectarines or gingered pears or kiwi with a twist in a month or two. And goodness, how DID I live without THOSE???
Everything is coming and going and coming and going. The taste of a ripe peach is so beautiful, as is the fragrance of a new attraction, the warmth of a friend who you can’t have imagined not being in your life or that snuggle your pup gives you cause you are their A #1 gal. It’s all good. Some things stay longer than others, but it all comes and goes.
I just hope to be awake while the good things pass through, because isn’t that ripe, special, deliriously lovely…the moments, the unexpected ephiphanies, the moments you experience just being alive, knowing that a new state (as in US state) or state is around every bend if you have the courage to flow…to have faith in what your heart tells you….not sweating the details. Life is so much bigger than details. Spring into summer into fall and thank GOODness for winter and spring again. It happens like clockwork, every year…as do our shifts and turns, when we trust and allow them to move us.
So…back into my night…with a full belly of watermelon, the hint of adventures to come, in work, adventures in play, perhaps reflected in the way someone holds an eyebrow, the tone in a conversation or the image you remember from a dream. The memory of a moment or the creation of a thing….or not…it doesn’t matter, it’s all rich…this moment, then that…fuel really.
I like that. I like that a lot!