So….’The Gift of Receiving Part 3.’ I’ve been chatting about….oooh……..this and that….our ability to receive, accept the cool things which come our way…..I invite you to read on….
The other evening, when shopping at Nordstom’s ‘Off the Rack’, I had to call my dear friend 2Lu to say…’Oh my God 2Lu…you’ll never believe what I have in my hands…the most gorgeous little black, short sleeved top which fits perfectly. It says size 4 (I should of known then it was a top name brand, women like to feel small, and men want to be BIG and the top names play to this need). Size 4 I clearly am not. I am a broad shouldered 8 or 6. My body likes where it is.
I told my friend that at first I thought it was marked down to $1.99. I am rather proud of the fact that I can put together an ensemble of clothing, jewelry, shoes and the attitude to go with it at the cost of a carnival ride, and look great! I laughed out loud telling my friend that I just then noticed it was Armani and the original price was $324.00, marked down to $199.00, (not the thrift store price of $1.99 which I assumed it to be), and now $89.99.
Now, don’t get me wrong, it was a beautifully fitting, decently made garment with lovely fabric, though as simple to make as hot coffee and no doubt cost as much to make. Talk about profit margin. Maybe I’m in the wrong business. I just don’t get it!
I realized then that I am all about two things, (well many more really, but here are two), quality and value. (I’ve not forgotten my receiving premise, hang with me). I’m not a cheap person, never have been. I’ve been frugal at my most opulent times and lavish when I didn’t have a dime. I feel certain that there will be a time in my life and career when I might give mightily to one charity, trust or cause, be able to travel whenever and wherever, stay at the most lush and expensive hotel I choose and buy whatever I might imagine at whatever obscene price it’s being played out on the market.
However…..allow me please to repeat that….HOWEVER….. I feel certain I will pick and choose with regard to what makes sense to me. A well made suit holds an energy that one of less quality does not hold. How and when that is important, to me, will be the question.
Priorities are indeed what we spend our time AND our money on.
So, if you are still with me…back to receiving. Having accepted my Bali surprise vacation and gift (see my last blog entry), I feel I am doing better at receiving and just saying thank you to the Universe or whoever might be the one giving to me. How funny then that last month I misplaced (carelessly lost), BOTH my coveted iPod AND my camera, two pieces of technology, (thank goodness I still have my Blackberry).
No music!!! No camera!!! I adore both. I listen to music and sing and dance daily….it’s part of who I am. I take photos at every switch and turn, I frame them, I give them away, I document my journeys. What is THIS about?
My father once showed me a pair of shoes he had for 25 years. He was a World War II survivor, (literally, Purple Heart and all), with a mother who seemed to value manners and cleanliness more than she did the demonstration and education in how to love. My father taught me the importance of caring for my ‘things’ and generally I do.
I remember being aghast at my first Christmas with my former husband, (we were still dating) and his then VERY small children, 3, 6 and 8. Money was very tight for me and I remember painstakingly picking out special gifts for his children, wrapping them with great care, placing them just so under the Christmas tree. Much to my horror, their Christmas ritual was much different from mine; his children entered the house, ran to the tree and within 10 short minutes had torn open their plethora of gifts, toys, games, clothes. Gifts lay strewn throughout the room like wounded soldiers.
I remember having to back away feeling terrificially nauseous. My gifts were thrown about, hidden under wrapping, never used and well, no thank you. As I helped clean up I noticed that one had already been broken. I wish I’d known about managing my expectations back then. Maybe I just needed to buy better gifts. Disappointing. It’s clearly time for me to change and to stop expecting that the world will. Rather arrogant really of me to think the latter!
So, iPod and camera gone. I went through an old feeling of lack and fear of not having enough to get by, (I’ve been there) to a more sensible disappointment, (there it is again), in being so careless and feeling on the wrong side of due diligence in wasting money as of course I needed to have both, music and images being so central to my day-to-day living.
So, I walked into Best Buy and Mike and I became instant pals. He knew technology and I love to learn. When he shared that he was paid by the hour and had plenty of time to help me make my decision, I was relieved, (goodness knows I’d hate to burden the clerk who is paid to help me when he could be helping others). Another win, I let him care for ME. ‘Good BB, good girl. You’re allowed to be cared for. People often want to’. Okay, good news. Maybe it’ll soon sink in.
Well, I didn’t go for the ‘Armani’ camera, but a certain level of quality and function was imperative to me despite wanting to watch my spending on these recently lost items of mine. So, I chose the Nikon with the great focus options and the high pixels, despite the crappy AA batteries I had to buy and the recharger. Damn. That ALMOST made me go to a lesser model, (on principal really), but no, focus is important to me and I didn’t’ mind that the camera was a bit bigger than the sexy, small, colorful ones. Stature is fine with me and just as I don’t care to be a size 4, I also don’t mind carrying a bit of a larger camera to get the images I want and frankly NEED. Ahhh, so we’re talking NEED now.
Ooooh, am I really expanding my ability to manifest based on what I feel is possible, what I now seem to feel I NEED? That black Armani shell is seeming more attractive to me.
My thinking around this whole Bali trip, losing my camera and iPod, receiving, allowing, giving was brewing inside me as Mike and I picked my memory cards and cute cases for holding my iPod for when I worked out. I’d model the carrying case and he’d give me a thumbs up or down. (I love twenty-somethings, they know the importance of sexy with technology!) I could feel logic kicking in – ‘so, I saved on the airline ticket, even came out ahead with my frequent flyer points….hmmmmm, so, does my need to purchase $800 worth of music capability and photographic clarity nix this gift?’
Then came my big ‘aha’. My gift was certainly not nixed, it rather expanded my ability to imagine my own abundance and prosperity. It allowed me to see the loss of my camera and iPod as a sort of tithing to the universe. Someone, somewhere was having a ball no doubt with either one of my lost items and purchased iTunes. Maybe they hadn’t yet imagined their own abundance and prosperity and my gift to them was the ability to imagine or see it! Grand!
AND, my greater gift was a snazzy new camera. (oh it’s fine, despite the deplorable battery design) and an iPod now that will hold many more tunes, carry my photos, connect me to the internet and well, I think it’ll do my laundry if I can just find the right button. Damn, I may break down shortly and buy some REALLY good speakers for home listening!!
What a gift and what a grand receiver I’m becoming.
Here’s to living better, making conscious choices and hey, REEEEEEEALLY enjoying your life!!
….speaking of gifts….might I mention one of my favorite characters in a film…John Coffey from ‘The Green Mile’. He was a man with a gift who clearly gifted others. A hug to John Coffey, a beautiful man played soulfully by actor Michael Clarke Duncan. ‘The Green Mile’ was directed by Frank Darabont.
Film reflecting life!