I have several things on my mind and in my heart this evening. I am working on becoming a better receiver. No, not football, that just doesn’t capture my interest and certainly not my heart. I get a little embarrassed when I am complemented and a bit awkward when someone wants to pay for something or gives me a gift. I love the act and certainly the intention behind these gestures, in fact, VERY much, though find myself oft times uncomfortable actually receiving them. To assuage my discomfort, I want immediately to give back. It’s easier for me.
I am adept, to a degree anyway, at giving, in places that feel good to me….so, I suppose my giving is a little selfish too as I am selective. I have certain places I prefer to give and I enjoy doing so.
My mother, Kitty Vogel, (I love that ‘Vogel’ in German means ‘bird’ and kitty, well, ‘cat’….my mom was ‘Cat-Bird’), was a giver though a terrible example of being able to receive.
I must add that she could twirl a ‘heeeeere kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kiiiiiiity’ off her tongue to call our cats in from out-of-doors like no one I’ve yet heard. She mesmerized me with her ability. I remember as a child thinking how accomplished I’d feel if only ONE day I could do that same twirl of my tongue. I digress.
Though, by the way, I DID receive that gift. I am now an adept, ‘kitttty-kittttier’. Just ask me to demonstrate should I see you. I’m happy to show off this talent of mine to a crowd of any size and with COMPLETE confidence!
I realize that in being a stingy receiver, that I might take away the pleasure another might have in giving to me. And, asking employees to do things for you is not the same as receiving – that is their job afterall. I know what I want and endeavor to get it. That is different from receiving.
But, receiving – I’m intrigued. I believe in the power of intention though suspect that will grow into something maybe much larger in time. As I will my own growth oooooh don’t I indeed get that growth….in all its various colors, heartache, joy, struggle, pleasure, peace, love. I truly am quite powerful!
So, I’ve felt changes occurring at lightning speed over the last months. I find the right people showing up for me. And perhaps I am the right person for others, at least in an ever-changing moment. I am ‘receiving’ the right people, opportunities and well, ‘blessings’ I’ll call them though I feel that word has connotations that weigh it down unnecessarily for me. I can think of no other word just now to express what I mean. Perhaps it is ‘gifts’.
More to come…..stay tuuuuned!