When I was a kid, maybe 9 or 10…my pal, and cohort in adventure and all things fun, the rosy cheeked Ann Murray and I would play house, (along with all manner of games). But ‘house’ was fun. We would pretend we ruled the roost, and not our moms.
Now, I am told by an authority greater than myself, that something curious happened to me around 7 or so…maybe one of those life events where you put up armor to protect SOMETHING or other. We all have our shields…it’s normal. Nevertheless, I do recall at around 8 or 9 years of age that safety became important to me, a sense of order.
Well, in looking back, year 10 of MY life was about year 17 of my parent’s hapless marriage. I felt the cracks, the disintegration…children feel it all. To manage the impending doom I felt in a family that had uneven emotional stability ANYway, I resorted to making sure my drawers and cupboards were in order, that my fish food was lined up ‘just so’ and my clothes were neatly folded. When I played ‘house’ with Ann, we’d start each session with a proclamation on my part that: ‘and the whole house is CLEAN, even the gutters!’ (Ann was waaaaay tolerant…my FIRST ‘best’ friend)!
Incredible that! I needed something to control, something that felt safe and orderly, certainly our family dynamics weren’t.
At 12 my parents divorced. I was roller skating on our drive at 2525 Old Orchard Road. Nice weather, me just going round and round. Mom came out to tell me that she and Dad were divorcing. I only remember a brief pause in my skating and then a feeling of relief thinking, ‘whewww, that’s good, it’s so TENSE when he’s around!’
Kids I think can handle MUCH more than we give them credit for, but they need to be kept in the loop, appropriate to what their age can handle. And of course love need be consistently applied.
I felt it all, knew things weren’t right, for God’s sake, my mom lost all kinds of weight that year and actually LOST HER VOICE for several weeks. Our bodies do NOT lie.
We are hit spiritually, emotionally and THEN stuff lands in our bodies. Dis-ease, turns to disease. I know.
I will never let anyone tell me any more that something is wrong with me, with how I feel or with my body or my mind. I know what I feel and my body and mind react accordingly. We’re all so VERY okay if we’ll just tune in and TRUST what the hell we’re feeling.
I’m serious as a heart attack. And my Dad might have prevented his (heart attack), if he’d felt stuff a little more, poor dear.
But we’re a ‘numb out’ culture…a lot of ‘sumpin-sumpin-sumpin-aholics.’ Fill in the blank. My family was notorious at shuffling feelings under the rug and then….’let’s go have a cocktail!!!’ And hey, don’t get me wrong, there is a big difference between a few cocktails and an addiction… and I love a soulful glass of red wine….I’m talking about the stuff we do so we don’t feel. There IS a difference.
And let’s face it….it’s challenging to FEEL everything that comes our way. We live in a zippy culture.
But back to me and Ann. So, ready for house, gutters clean, I’d do this funky ‘cleansing breath’ thing, (at 10….who the heck WAS this nutty kid). Somehow I was breathing out the shitty stuff and bringing in the new. (Well, perhaps I was/AM certifiably ‘something,’ but don’t spread the word…til now it’s been a secret)!!
Well, I still prefer a neat desk but I’m not fanatical, (my employees think I am), but I do realize we all are SO different…not wrong, right, just DIFFERENT.
All this came to mind today when I went over to Carl House to pay the guy who was cleaning our gutters. They hadn’t been done in WAAAY too long and well, stuff was falling out and inside was terribly ‘gooed’ up from decaying leaves and such.
It felt good to have our gutters cleaned at my business. It feels good to have the old gunk removed, moving forward with MUCH better information for doing so than when I was 10!
I’m reminded to talk to the people I love…to tell them what’s going on. And hey,….don’t worry if your ‘gutters’ build up with goo every now and again, just have ’em cleaned, take a cleansing breath… and you’ll feel shiny and new!