Well, an interesting day to report indeed…..a lack of sleep, brings new light to areas within ourselves, (I find), that might need SPECIAL attention.
Soooo how might I begin this blogging report.
Isn’t it interesting how one day you have the tiger by the tail, and the next, well damn if he isn’t biting your arse. My mother, (the lovely Kitty Vogel) shared with me her philosophy on troubling issues once,
‘Honey, here’s how I see it. We all have our weak areas, vulnerable spots, places to develop and grow. When you get overwhelmed with it all sweetheart, just focus on taking ONE file of challenges out of your ‘challenging issues’ filing cabinet a day, and work on that one issue. Just as when you’ve not had enough sleep, and I tell you to go to bed, insisting that you’ll feel better if you do, you WILL. Trust me on this, I’m your mom, I love you and I KNOW! And most of all when you forget how beautiful, talented and loved you are, see my face in your mind and you will remember. You’re my special girl and I waited a long time for you to arrive. And you did. You arrived and I love you.’
My mother was the great and masterful Oz to me and I believed her.
She’s no longer living, (actually I was sharing with a friend how a few of her ashes remain with me in a Brown Cow yogurt container which sits in another wooden box with pictures of the two of us, near my desk at work). Kitty had SUCH a full, lively, playful sense of humor, I know she would love that her bodily remains are not only strewn throughout Montana where my brothers now live, but on Carl House’s grounds and well, near me while I work, in a yogurt container. (She LOVED yogurt).
I put together a collection of works including those of Italian playwright Dario Fo while in graduate school. The piece was called, Alive and Female. I dedicated it to my mother, linking the various names she had throughout her life, from various marriages. It said:
‘To my darling mother, Kathryn Royer Vogel, Meyers, Banta, Richards, Richards, Vogel, a woman who knows change!’
I was so encouraged that at the end of her life she re-found herself, symbolically represented by taking back her former name. I feel her with me EVERY day (thank God) and appreciate it especially on days like today when I feel only my underbelly is showing, and none of the big, bold, muscle-y parts I’ve developed. But that’s okay….she’s here, and so am I and after a good night of sleep, well, I bet I’ll feel better.
And no doubt tomorrow, I’ll have a new story to write….. about what I learned.
Focusing on the love…(everything else is a big fake)…and that I don’t need to know ‘it all!’
And, HOLY CRAP, thank God for friends who love you enough to be real, tell you the truth, show THEMSELVES and honor your underbelly AND most of all, who love the shit out of you. Thank you Lee and 2Lu for loving ALL my parts.