BB Webb as BB Webb!

Exploring the Possibilities

Remembering Boston & Kitty June 23, 2009

Filed under: Reflection — BB Webb @ 9:58 am

I spent my early 20’s in Boston, serving drinks and shucking oysters, at what was then a very new Legal Seafoods. I was saving up money to go back to study with my still cherished mentor, the legendary Tony Montanaro, artist, teacher, spiritual seeker. I was privileged to get to work with a man so expansive and heartful in my early 20’s. He set the stage for a level of excellence and curiosity in life and in the arts that I’ve carried with me all these years. He’s dead now but his spirit very alive within me and in all I do.

There seemed to be an abundance of time back then. I lived in Watertown, a nearby Armenian community just outside of the city. I lived in a house with my friends Judy and Robert. We seemed to have a great collection of artist friends living nearby and had time to play at night or in the day. I’m not sure how I made ends meet but I knew I felt fulfilled and supported. We’d meet at a local diner in Watertown for the largest most delicious muffins and coffee served with a completely artificial and completely rich cream for the coffee. We’d sit there for hours and hours in big round booths talking and laughing about life and art, performance ideas, relationships, music, our latest gripe or gossip, shooting the breeze and spinning yarns with the rather plump and affable waitress named Sydney, our mainstay.

Times don’t feel so simple to me these days. Currently my days and nights are full of things I’ve certainly signed up for, but not always what I consider the ‘right things’ or where my soul would prefer I tarry at this point in time. But it is what it is for now….as I grow and learn and take notes along the way.

I wish there were a diner down the street where I might sit awhile with any number of friends coming in for a cup a ‘joe’, a hug and a little conversation. I miss the silliness, the play, the ease of it all. All this busy-ness and my drive leads to an isolated feel, like being alone in the company of 1000 strangers.

I’m miffed by the idea of ‘balance.’ I’m not sure what balance really means, I only know when I need to begin to ‘tetter’ or ‘totter’ another way. My seesaw’s about ready to travel another way, though I feel fairly certain not any way I’ve yet experienced. I feel a state of readiness within.

And, when I consider that priorities are what we spend our time on…clearly I’m saying one thing right now and doing something entirely different. That’s today.

I am reminded of what my mom, Kitty, would say. ‘Barbie Sue, honey, you’ll feel completely different after a good night’s sleep.’ And the famous four words which kept our relationship as mother/daughter fresh, peaceful, (most of the time) and certainly loving….’You might be right. You might be right mom’.

Kitty and her little demon doggie Chivas Regal.

Kitty and her little demon doggie Chivas Regal.

Here’s to a big bed with soft Egyptian Cotton sheets and outrageously fluffy pillows. Sweet dreams.

BB Webb

 

Where does YOUR brain like to hang out???

Filed under: Possibility and Intention — BB Webb @ 3:15 am

‘One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.’ -Nietzsche

So, where does YOUR brain like to hang out????

You’ll just NEVER guess where my brain spends its time???

Keep dancing!

BB Webb

 

Late Blooming and Dear Friends June 20, 2009

Filed under: Friends — BB Webb @ 9:23 pm

Anyone who knows me, knows me WELL, KNOWS that I just won’t do what I don’t want to do. Stubborn maybe. (alright, I just felt a distinctive eyebrow raise from at least one relatively new friend of mine). Well, stubborn….okay. I don’t think unreasonably so, but I’m not a joiner, I’m not a ‘yes’ woman, don’t have friends just so they’ll agree with me and I question things a LOT. Consequently I’m a bit of a loner though rely mightily on my very small network of dear friends.

I also tend to wear rose colored glasses, always looking for the good in people or any situation or experience. I tend to believe that experiences come to me to help me grow and learn and of course, ultimately love more and better, (particularly myself). That’s all fodder for another blog…. What I’m compelled to explore today is timing and certainly for ME, how important it is for me to do things in MY time, and the value of dear, dear friends.

I was a preemie, a premature baby, a soul eager to get the heeeelllll out of mom’s safe nest. I apparently couldn’t wait! I clearly had things to do once landing on the planet. I’ve been told more than once to ‘sloooow down.’ Probably good advice. My Dad had trouble with my speed and overflowing energy and would often command in a strict tone….’SLOOOOOOOOOOOOW DOWN BARBIE SUE!!’ I remember my ‘aha’ around the age of 12 where I was tempted to bellow back, ‘KEEP UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!’ But that would have been disrespectful.

I started dating later than my friends, grew breasts even later, (much to my chagrin), married in my forties, and probably am only reaching my real potential as I move into my fifties. I am beginning to respect the importance of timing. Maybe. (I can hear my dear friend, 2Lu, laughing….she knows how impatient I can become). She also loves me just as I am. 2Lu is one of those angels landed on the earth. More later on her as well.

Isn’t that delightful. To have friends who love and appreciate you just as you are…comrades who help you become more of who you really are. Carl Jung said something like this….

’love is the process of gently guiding someone into themselves.’

I like that….especially the ‘gently’ part. There is enough harshness in the world. I appreciate hearing the truth and receiving direct and gentle caring and love from my few friends. I like also giving the same to them. They make life worth waking up to each morning. And I hope when I die they’ll throw a party in honor of all they did to help me live well while I was here.

(And I hope they’ll spend ALL my money on a grand and memorable party, with lots of GREAT music, impromptu performances by artist friends, dancing, singing, twirling and an abundance of delectable food and rich wines which will make their eyes fall back in their heads with sensuous recall as they levitate to the top of the tin ceilings in the ballroom at Carl House, 30 feet high, knowing that all is right in the world. A Baccanalinan feast and glorious celebration)!

And as a late bloomer, I recently discovered Dave Matthews. I’d heard of him but was not ready for his music I suppose. All good things in the proper timing. I’m taken with his song ‘Crush’. It satisfies something in me at this time. When I’m pulled by a song I find myself listening to it for days, weeks, sometimes a full month again and again and again, until I’ve absorbed every molecule of sound, words, tone, feel from it. This one transports me in such a lovely way.

Here’s to love….of course.

BB Webb

 

Only the Curious Have Something to Find June 18, 2009

Filed under: Possibility and Intention — BB Webb @ 11:53 am

I’m taken recently by a Nickelcreek song. Their line, ‘only the curious have something to find’, caught my attention. I agree. I’m a most curious woman. And, in that I’m a proponent of the power of intention, believing we attract what we focus upon, I love the magnitude of that line. I’m also reminded of a dialogue I had with a former bookkeeper of mine. Her name, (I’ll make one up to protect the innocent). (I stole that crossing out notion from my biz coach and friend, Brian Cork). …protect the ‘hapless’ is more correct….she had a name, we’ll call her ‘Mirth’ though she was far from any ‘mirth’ I’ve known. A real peach this one.

‘Mirth’ eagerly entered my office one morning, (a rare state for her indeed) pronouncing her urgent desire for us to gather together all my employees to announce their NEED to purchase a certain insurance (a rider to any main insurance), she’d heard of which would pay a special amount for ‘when we had an accident.’ I’d never seen her eyes so fully open and her stance so sure and insistent. I pondered a moment,

‘For when we have an accident?’ I looked directly into Mirth’s cloudy gray eyes and said, ‘I don’t live my life with that attitude, ‘when I have an accident.’ If I intend that, I’ll attract that very thing. I’d rather focus on the good things coming my way. But thank you Mirth, it’s just not my philosophy or one which I embrace for my company. Thank you for thinking of us all though.’

She walked out of my office with her normal stoop.

The next day she wasn’t present at her appointed hour. Shortly after 9am I received a call that Mirth was walking her dogs the night before and got caught up in their leashes and fell over when the dogs bolted forward, dragging her up the street awhile, breaking a tooth, badly skinning a knee and creating a rather nasty deep cut on her forehead, one in which nurses needed to extract small stones from the street she fell upon.

Damn. I hope she had that special rider insurance for when she was ‘going to have an accident’.

Be careful the thoughts you think…better make em good ones. Then wait for the magic is my thinking! I have a choice….why not?

My pick today….Nickelcreek’s ‘This Side’

Don’t forget where your TRUE home is!!

Here’s to living better and HEY, really enjoying your life!

BB Webb

 

My Earth Experience to date…. June 14, 2009

Filed under: Reflection — BB Webb @ 9:36 am

The love we have for ourselves is what we offer to others.  I like that.  I feel it is true. Our culture does not prescribe sitting in quietude as a practice, a way to connect to what I call our ‘higher’ self, the one who knows so much more than our limited human self. 

When I sit, shoo away my gnat like thoughts jousting for position, I hear things I would otherwise miss. It’s not a hearing with my mind; this listening and hearing is different, it is brought to me through HI DEF universal speakers of some sort.  The sound waves come through all my pores but target especially close to my heart.  When they come in they aren’t harsh, I needn’t adjust the treble or bass or volume, though if I have too many mind-y thoughts flying about, I miss these gems come in through the ether.  You need quiet to hear your higher self speak.  She whispers to me, like a lover with his soft tones, the sort that make you both shiver and melt feeling loved, nurtured and cared for just because, just because you should be. 

But we aren’t trained in this sort of listening, not with the tv and computer pulling us to their noisy stations, email chiming in from our BlackBerrys, the radio sounding its loud ads and chattery songs, friends or clients in and out visiting, endless calls on the telephone, our pull to text every 5 minutes.  This limits our ability to listen.  In fact, most people get nervous in this sort of quiet.  We’re used to filling the quiet, thinking it is emptiness.  Listening is key to growth. 

I’ve spend most of my life living alone and in the company of myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I have friends, colleagues, am a quite affable sort, but I prefer a good measure of time alone.  I don’t always fill it well; I bend toward loneliness in moments, I too am prone to allowing too much interference in and miss the whispers, the love songs which might grace me with guidance, reminders of my true nature, that I am loved just cause, capable beyond compare.  I’m finding when I DO listen, that the messages coming in are specific.  You will hear the truth if you listen.  And you’ll resist it often, but that’s okay.  This life is a playground of free choice, trial and error. 

Part One….more to come around this earth experience.   In the meantime….

Here’s to finding the joy.  BB Webb