The world spins madly on… July 31, 2010

Necessary Losses, Necessary Humor…

This week has presented all manner of choices in my world….mostly on the perspectives I might best adapt.

We make plans, reach out, pull inside, rally a bit, rage perhaps, break down, stand up, smile, meet, call, sit, watch, dream, fall back, write, write, write, write….sleep, imagine, engage fantasy, move forward and try something new….I like new….possibility.

And I continue to encourage the new in those talks I have with myself. The old just won’t cut it…..people will do what they do, obstables are part of the course and people die.

Oh the rallying necessary before the end.

And so I rally for a few key causes this week and no doubt in the next little while.

I know my power and how I can impact change….

a change in situation or perhaps more often, mindset.

And as I do, I ask for strength, widsom and humor.

The whole world is moving and I’m standing still.

The Weepies continue to know….

BB Webb

Building my BB web… July 30, 2010

Summertime, and the living is…..busy, full, in moments hectic, swift and moving forward.

No, no slow summertime hammock swinging these days, not for me.

I am spinning a web of solutions…solutions for things that need them…

So, I watch this mighty spider outside the door of my garage…..she shows me how to patiently weave and knit and cross stitch….catching the bits of wisdom I need for the matters at hand. She is even, with seemingly no worry, she merely weaves and knows what is needed, what should be done perhaps.

And when she has satisfied this task, achieved what is to be achieved, she will rest a spell, and then begin again with her next tapestry.

And so the world rolls.

Spinning her web

BB Webb

Cowgirls, Plays and Such! July 22, 2010

I’ve always produced. Always. I was making up skits and plays when I was 4, dressed in plastic high heels, often wore a cape like Mighty Mouse (from the cartoons), and would jump off chairs feeling rather ‘mighty’ myself. At one point I thought it’d be fun to be an elephant when I grew up, (no body image issues then), and I often fixed my hair and positioned whatever hat I was wearing in the door knob as that’s about how tall I was.

I know you have your stories. Who we are and will become is rather evident when we look back. Sally Star, (cowgirl on tv who hosted Saturday morning cartoons in my hometown of Lancaster, PA)…..she wore an outfit I coveted before I knew that ‘coveting’ was apparently something frowned upon.

Well, I still covet that bejeweled gem of an outfit with sequins and fringes, her cowgirl hat had the perfect flare and Sally, to me, was the ideal woman, strong, fun, funny, brave (it seemed, she was afterall a cowgirl) and pretty. And ooooh, those clothes. I just knew if she’d stand up and turn around her skirt would swirl in a way that would mesmerize any smart cowboy around!

Pink Martini Dessert: Photo: Jaxonphoto.com

So, I continue to produce, all manner of events, shows, ideas, stage ‘happenings’ in my head, speeches, concerts and dream that one day I’ll have the skillset and nerve to sing in public. I just can’t help it, it’s how I came into the world.

This weekend I’m excited to produce a lovely event at Carl House, replete with bagpipes, fiddlers, vendor partners and their wares, a wine tasting of our best wines with prizes, prizes, prizes as I LOVE to give gifts.

You MIGHT have interest. If so, check out our Carl House blog, Carl House Unveiled.

Life’s such fun when you get to share your passion with others. I might even wear my cowgirl outfit!

BB Webb

SpiDers ACross the SkY… July 21, 2010

A colleague sent me a card today with the following quote…

‘The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace things, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.’ Jack Kerouac

This kept me in an elevated state all day……all day long.

BB Webb

When the Rains Fall. July 21, 2010

Keep looking....listening.

The key, I am finding, is listening. The ‘answers’, if you call them that, the clues, signs, signals, guides, are everywhere. We just need to pay attention, to listen.

I’ve had another test to my own faith in navigating through yet another (what I call), creative ‘funk’. You know what I’m talking about, surely. You wake up with all manner of options in your lovely world but can’t seem to pull yourself from your own morbid spin….colors lack luster, old habits reign, a depression sets in and your energy is zapped.

As a woman you question your hormones, as a man….I haven’t a clue what you all question, or if you do…..but the air is ripe with doubt, frustration, inpatience and clear dissatisfaction.

But you’re not listening in these moments. You’re reacting to what feels dim, not the messages. which like overtones, are so much bigger than your funk. Dis-ease is a signal. Where do you WANT to be…and is it time?

Sometimes waiting and listening is a stronger move than action. I’m a mix of both bull and race horse….this strategy is a supreme challenge and test for me. I fall short of my goal here frequently….though after awhile, even I understand the pain in hitting my head too forcibly against the plexiglass wall put in front of me. It’s there for a reason….put there by the Universe much like a baby barrior….why??….it’s not TIME. If you go too fast you’ll fall down the stairs, reach for poison in the cabinet you should not open. Your parent, the Universe knows….trust here lad, lassie.

It’s for your own good. Though conversely, action, however minute, toward your desires, is powerful. As you coax along your dream, your desire, your passion, just watch, watch what seem like weeds around you begin to curl up with energy and appreciation of your intent. Those same ‘weeds’ turn to opportunity, right people showing up, TRUE love, not the pesky mind-y bullshit that so many in our culture pass off as love….and I’m not just referring to the ‘romantic’ kind, all manner of love….a friend, colleague…someone who can serve your highest good as you can for them.

The kind that brings heart into good measure….where HEALTHY attachments are formed, not the sort that says all the right things with no follow through.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: 1749-1832 German writer and polymath.

I’ve no time for those weak efforts. I’m in agreement with Goethe,

“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.”

He may look a tentative soul, clearly not….or, he simply worked past his trepidation. He probably started listening!

Love, like whatever passion fuels and amps you forward….they have a vibration that is unstoppable, they are MUCH bigger than your mind, bigger than you and the stuff that makes being on the planet, worth all the heartache, hassle and disappointment at times.

I’m going for big. For passion, for healthy attachment and love. I’ll wade through the dis-ease….it’s all part of what’s necessary and I will remind myself of that, often no doubt.

And why do I choose passion, love, BIG…..because I can. Simply because I prefer to and I can.

BB Webb

Dig Deeper… July 19, 2010

for your passion….for your heart….let it rip….and then rip some more.

Thank you Janis.

BB Webb

Here’s a thought to chew on. July 18, 2010

“We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

- Talmudic Proverb

Ahhhhhh says me as I transform a funk into a lotus flower.

Why? Because I can!

One must ALWAYS leave room for an opening!

And FYI…..In Hinduism and Buddhism the lotus flower symbolizes awakening to the spiritual reality of life or life in general.

As the lotus flower grows up from the ground into an object of great beauty, people also grow and change into something more beautiful. So it is the symbol to represent the struggle of life at its most basic form.

BB Webb
(photo credit: info@lotuspix.com)

Wine-ing or Whining? And then there are days… July 17, 2010

When we forget….there is just no simpler way to put it. Forget or perhaps revert….to old ways that just don’t work anymore. It’s like getting stuck in the gutter lane when bowling….you’re cruising along just fine and then suddenly your tire hits the berm, and oooooh, you lean to the left hoping it won’t get stuck there, one, two lean but DAMN….too late….

You have to wait this one out….let all the old shit pile up beside you, images of the past, those insecurities which make you feel like a teenager at a dance, with your braces and flat chest. You only notice that Tim Johnson is oogling over the overly developed Rachel Winters who is unfairly busty and has the perfect figure, while you can’t figure out how or why you’re still so flat chested and wonder if you’ll EVER develop a curve.

So, as an adult you stand back and look at the funk you are in, consider your options, how long it might be to wallow in the lumpy, dissatisfied state where you sit, where your discipline for the things that normally appease your dis-ease is for the moment gone. Boredom seems like such an excuse, it’s just that a direction, for the moment, is not easily presenting itself. Sooo….you allow yourself this place, watch too many old Showtime series, open the fridge for what? an answer, you take a bath, consider the gym, snuggle next to a four legged heartbeat, straighten up the kitchen and fold some clothes. Sigh……it’s classic and unnerving.

Then you remember a rock n roll song you wrote for your play years ago, ‘I want it now’ the title. Well, of course you do sweetheart, of course you do.

This might seem funny later.

And then you remember to sit with where you are….if you can….resist a quick ‘fix’, food, drink, company, work….because this place is revealing…you’ve been here before and no, it’s not really fun, just part of life.

And what does it reveal…that being ‘here and now’ REALLY is the only place to be….the next business, review, epiphany, the next new friend, outrageous high, it’ll come when it’s time but today is this. And, with each breath and step, the next move will make itself clear, as it always does….

but come back to here is what I remember….

and if I’ve got love for myself, I no doubt have everything I need. The hungry ghost will however have NONE of that.

Isn’t an addiction just an unwillingness to be here, now?

Awwww, I’m too smart for my own good….though it does me no good just now. There is nothing to fix. I need only be…here….now.

Ouch!

So, I give myself a timeline, so, when this wallowing time is ‘up’, I will then get busy with things I can do to steer myself west from east, cause at some point, enough is damn enough.

Just breathe. A new moment…’round each corner.

But for now, I’m on a Clint Eastwood roll….’The Outlaw of Josey Wales’ beckons me and well, maybe one glass of Rodney Strong Knotty Vine Red Zinfandel, to untie a knot or two……..sigh.

Cheers!

BB Webb

Twelve Years Ago Today…and then, Today. July 15, 2010

Twelve years ago my world flipped around, me like a cat in a dryer….a sturdy Maytag, adament on keeping me tumbling for some time….

Twelve years ago my mom died.

Kitty Vogel circa 1987

Kathryn Royer Vogel Myers Banta Richards Richards Vogel, left the physical plain and I was catapulted into ‘adulthood’.

Feeling her soul leave her body was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. She had put herself into hospice on Sunday, I flew in on Monday or Tuesday and she died the next day, after waiting for my sister-in-law, Shelly, to return from Germany.

All the people she loved were present, the very way I’d like to die, (I think). She had said good-bye to a great many people, aunts, uncles. She opened her morphine influenced eyes to blink at Miles, my nephew, her grandson, (their favorite thing to do together was to go out and eat a big steak, followed up by a hot fudge sundae).

Kitty’s body had shriveled over the several months after an invasive operation meant to take care of a ‘spot’ that might cause an annuerism. I don’t know all the specifics, only that at 74 years old the surgeons cut her from the top left part of her body through the bottom right, much like you might when slaughtering a cow. It was invasive beyond measure and she never recovered. During her recovery she shared with me that she felt like a yard sale, her parts scattered about.

And then today, today….I had the opportunity to visit with two people who I care for very, very much….two people who in secret ways have made a significant impact on me….playing a variety of roles in my life. Today marked a noticeable expansion time for me….I connected some scattered dots, strengthened some connections and drew a line across a turbulent river with a rope, a rope that I’ll hold onto as I keep my focus keenly on my goals.

And I have many goals and no they aren’t small, but gargantuan and meaningful to me. And they are both what fuel me and what I need to feel full.

To feel support in your world is like having a fan applied to your fire….it can only grow.

I am thankful for friends, challenges we experience, heartache at times, soul ache too….I’ve been all around the map and am happy today, to be here, with people who matter to me, to feel my flexibility of spirit and my strength of heart.

I know who I am and there’s something to that.

Thank you to the people who matter and for what they see in me when I can’t.

I ask only how I might extend my love back to them.

With love,

BB Webb

And then there was a shift… July 14, 2010

Have you ever noticed when something shifts…needn’t be a major life event, nonetheless, it’s a shift of magnitude that takes place somewhere, somewhere within yourself.

You wake with a new view of your world somehow. The greens are greener, the smells, better than you remembered. The house you’ve lived in for several years is more lovely than lovely, your hair falls in such a likeable way and your skin appears brighter, softer really. You feel your legs firmly on the ground, the muscles of your calves apparent and your breathing, it is stronger than you remembered and you appreciate how it carries you from moment to moment.

Then, in a brief relapse, you are catapulted back to how things felt, looked and your sensitivity to noise or harsh words and BOOM, you remember immediately the old vibe. The difference, you know you can take yourself somewhere new, this place where your vision is altered, your sensibilities new, different from what you’ve known. You realize how powerful you are to change your world.

So, you decide you will, in each moment, focus on the good, the better, the best you can imagine and bring to you. You will surround yourself with the love you endeavor to give each moment, friends with similar sensibilities, start businesses which initiate positive change, surround yourself with the very vibration that has newly visited you.

And you find that it’s that easy….it’s just THAT easy.

And so….as ‘they’ say, it is!

BB Webb