What I see today May 30, 2010

I’m midway along this new adventure, a surgery in fact (and as my pal Lulu and I love to say, ‘the details don’t matter’, as often they don’t). I traveled to have some eye repair, my first reminiscant surgery when I was 7 years old, then 8. I’m in good care with a doctor I trust, though presently out of town.

I was surprised the first evening after returning back from post op, how frightening both the pain was and my not being able to see. I knew it was temporary, and I felt in excellent care with a loving and most trustworthy friend. Nonetheless, my first memory was ‘where’s my mommy’ as certainly she was there when I was 7 and again when I was 8. The memory, part of my drug induced blur, was strong.

And then, in feeling the warmth and care of my friend by my side at every hour, when a pain pill was needed, or if she heard me groan or call, to change my eye dressing as needed, I felt how absolutely, totally cared for I was.

Yet at one point, with her near, I felt my body begin to quiver and despite trying not to, I felt my body begin to shake and the tears come. It’d been so long since someone had taken care of me in such a thoughtful way. I was overwhelmed with emotion and my heart hurt.

In addition, having my body stop so suddenly from its warp speed pattern, solving problems, managing challenges so often, so quickly and for so very long a time, to simply stop and have my sight taken away and to be in need of round the clock care, I became undone.

I cried through my gauze and the goo, somehow feeling the pain throughout all the world, wondering, ‘how do people manage’. The burn victims of 9/11 came to mind, the abuse, the neglect, it all ran across the window screen of my altered state and I cried until I was done, my friend simply holding my hand, being present, showing support.

I am thankful for her kindness, support, care and love.

I will be well soon enough, though out-of-pocket a spell, breathing, healing, sleeping, coaxing a new sort of vision, for sure. I’m today well enough to tip tap at my computer which brings me great joy, despite it taking 3 times as long as usual to write behind my squint!

Just a thought, but sincerely, go love on someone totally, totally, fully and with your complete attention. It could change everything….for the better.

BB Webb

An adventure beckons… May 27, 2010

I’m off on an adventure for the next little while.

I hopped (I did, a hop…in red high heels), into my Blue speed racer car around 5:30 this evening and headed north….after a looooong week of the normal ups, downs and arounds.

I felt as though I’d emerged from a tightly knit cocoon!

The wheels of industry have been turned, turned, turned with many good things put directly into action. Bold strokes for sure, some grand leaps, a chugalug or two.

And now, some new experiences call….and I will return once I’ve successfully moved through an interesting new turning point.

And I predict, you heard it here, I predict all manner of grand things upon my return, business growth, travel, romance, the creation of new and OH so lovely things, surprise and fulfillment beyond compare.

Why not? I am (as are you), a creator.

I say it’s so.

Til soon, for sure, til soon!

BB Webb

I’m a bullet…a BB bullet…. May 25, 2010

(I wrote what is below two days ago…..and tonight I’m laughing at the absurdity of it all)….

We are all much more capable of embracing life than we know.

I’m a bullet today…..a BB bullet. I am aimed and entirely on target.

It had to come eventually.

The option of ‘losing’ is as much a mindset as the consideration that I will die.

Die to what? This world, this thought, this struggle. Sure I’ll die, again and again and again.

Hopefully I will die mostly with and in pleasure, again and again and again.

It’s all a mindset and the heart rules, ruler of the mind. If you’ve been listening to me, YOU know….it’s true.

Try it and….and….in moments, just moments (as we’re (generally) not practiced in this area….trust me, we aren’t), you’ll feel something different and it’s good, clear, focused and on target.

I know for myself, I fret with the things that feel bad, when I feel ‘off target’. We never really are… Consider the concept of ‘being lost’, I’ve truly NEVER been lost as I always find my way…eventually.

It’s a mind or possibly heart-set.

In moments they’ll be a clarity, a knowing, a vibe that YOU can create all by yourself FOR yourself. No need for a lover for this one, a drug, that big glass of wine or great wealth filling your money drawers….the exhilaration of jumping off a cliff in to clear, deep (you hope) water, or tumbling out of a plane. Though I’ve not done all of the former, I think this feeling is better. And it’s your creation.

And NO one can take this from you unless you allow them to.

My vibration is growing higher and my BB bullet moves beyond disappointment,

it rallies beyond the goal post,

it showers rain and flower essence everywhere I am, (a consideration, why not, I can),

and it’s moving toward a target…

and that target….it moves as quickly as I angle right and left.

Things are moving in my business, in my world. It’s in this moment good being right here, right now, in the eye of a tornado, with a satisfaction as I sit in my secret hide-away home with the tall ceilings and long windows throughout, looking out to the forest with gads and gads of green, happy dogs strewn about, (with their adorable bandanas….they love me and don’t mind!), Bert leans on me, his way of loving and comforting me, a kitty cat or two listening to the Weepies singing with me. ‘Candles in the Dark’…..but I don’t feel the disappointment in this moment, my BB bullet is traveling too fast…I’m on target, sitting quietly in this moment.

‘Trying not to hope to hard for what I want.

Trying not to go too far with all the dreamin’

All the disappointment so hard to handle
I’m still in the dark lighting candles.

Love’s a train to city lights where someone knows you.

All the disappointment, so hard to handle.
I’m still in the dark, lighting candles.’

No worry today…this bullet’s lighting up the sky at record speed….no room for luggage as I move beyond those city lights, I’m out to create a bright new planet.

Even if I die again and again trying.

And then today, today…a different story. And I wonder….the ebb and flow of who we are, where we are, where we get our goodies and patience or not with our humanity. Rich. Really.

And then there are days when you just need to tell yourself to stop, stop with the patterns that take you less than close to your own power, beauty and heart.

So today, I call out, ‘Stop’! Big breath. ‘Stop little girl…just let it go.’

And part of me understands.

And then, like proclaiming a new diet or exercise plan, there is resolve, hope….all bullshit really.

Instead, if I just let go, (I can do this), the world will morph into what it’s meant to be.

Abandon of the safety valve…..value you.

As my visitor hits turn over at 10,000…..this will be my reminder milestone that I did.

Ooooh…how flipping obtuse of me.

BB Webb

Revelation Give it back, move along! May 23, 2010

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.”

- Benjamin Disraeli

And might I (cause he’s ringing in my earballs and eyedrums this morning), paraphrase Dr. Jung’s sentiment, love being, ‘the process of gently guiding someone into themselves’.

Noble intent indeed…..

Revelation 05:23:2010

‘I repeat…that all power is a trust; that we are accountable for its exercise; that from the people, and for the people all springs, and all must exist.’
Benjamin Disraeli

And perhaps to me, today, the most relevant…

‘In a progressive country change is constant; …change… is inevitable.’ Benjamin Disraeli

I consider this as I watch the tide roll in and out within my own world.

Revelation Give it Back….Move Along!

Glory be.

BB Webb

Catholics, Popeye, Filters & Honoring Your Preferences & Intent! May 22, 2010

As I continue on this road of self discovery, really, discerning who I do and don’t want hanging out in my ether space, I am at the same time cultivating a style for which to screen, negotiate and honor my sensibilities.

I’ve always not only done my best to ‘play fair’ I have from time to time put myself at risk being too….(gawd I resist this tepid, wimpish word), nice! I’d rather we all get along. Really. (Oh that nefarious need to be understood, driving me again to distraction)!!! AND, in the same breath, I have specific standards on how I endeavor to treat people and certainly how I run my business and my life. It’s all MY perogative and I exercise that free choice.

But then we have our personalities and ability or non-ability to handle stressors in our life. I’ve always been high energy, (read that as high strung, if you will)….and I value calming spirits in my breathing space…it helps me, it helps me from not mismanaging my intent to be more temperate.

Well, I’m often not! And it pains me to think that at those times I am displaying (with all DUE respect to my father), Bob Banta’s less than admirable qualities when it came to dealing with people and his temper. I don’t mean to rally against anyone, just am not as adept as I’d prefer at managing my frustration in how to better communicate, (or in my current position and role, (one I’m not best suited for), General Manager of my company), until I find someone better to do it. I prefer and am better suited for the owner/vision castor role! There are some things you just KNOW!

But, I know what needs to be done. And I beg forgiveness at not being different in these moments, though indeed wave a flag of surrender to who I am for as Popeye asserted so beautifully, ‘I yam what I yam what I yam’.

I wish I were Catholic in those moments….to either confess my imperfections to be denounced pure or to rally with the other imperfect sinners in the congregation while downing copious amounts of church wine.

Let’s face it, it’s humor that will in the end save us all….and of course dancing!

With love, cause that’s TRULY all I care to focus upon…..and with thanks to the many folks who seem to ‘GET’ BB Webb and bless their souls, still choose to tarry about in my presence. Sincerely!!

BB Webb

A Squeaky Clean Ephiphany! May 20, 2010

I bought a washer and dryer for my business today…it got me to thinking.

My life has been like a washer stuck on spin for a year or two…

I’d best turn the switch…..rinse would be lovely….even wash.

The spin has me at this point over-the-top dizzy.

It’s a good thing I can dance.

It helps when stuck on spin…to keep moving, moving, moving,

twirling, whirling, swirling about!

My hope is to come out squeaky clean, fresh and new!

BB Webb

The world I prefer… May 20, 2010

Compassion rules. Love rocks and thoughtfulness, in my book of preferences, makes me ‘off-the-charts’ weak in the knees.

Do something thoughtful for someone today. Just do.

BB Webb

I wonder? May 19, 2010

I wonder how I will look back on this period in my life 5 years from now.

I’ll wonder how I made it through.

I’ll consider the relationships, ups, downs, arounds and how much I learned from it all, consider the people I still love, whether they are active in my life or not.

I’ll remember my dogs, little skinny Annie my kitty who may not make it much past today, young though she is.

I’ll wonder how things shifted so and that I am flowing with a new current, still full of complexity and challenge, but of a new flavor.

And I’ll wonder no doubt how I lived without certain people in my life, people maybe I’m yet to meet or get to know.

And I’ll be amazed again at how much forgiveness I carry in my heart for others, how ever I reached the heights I’ve climbed.

I’ll wonder at why more people aren’t vibrating at the speed to which I’ve grown accustomed.

Oh, and they’ll be more….no doubt, no doubt.

The importance of being in your skin, heart, body and soul.

BB Webb

It’s not WHAT you’re doing that matters… May 16, 2010

…it’s how what you’re doing AFFECTS you that matters.

Where are activities, beliefs, people, your ‘story’ a decoy to what is true in you??

Holding secrets, (not the kind I was referring to in my last post), or being true to who you really are, being less than real to yourself, or the ones you love about WHO you are, is antithetical to a true spiritual life.

Just thinking.

As we ‘expand’ and move into our hearts, being less than who we really are feels as awful as mosquito bites all over our body or swimming with rats. (I don’t enjoy rats in any manner).

Where might we tap into what we might fuel ourselves with ALL by ourselves, (hint, generated through heart focus) rather than trying to get seeming ‘goodies’ through others, or chasing after empty sources which we work to embue with meaning.

I’m not sure how to be much clearer at present. I know that something bigger than my mere human self is key for this expansion and goal toward self actualization, moving more into my spiritual self.

My heart tells me so. My ego works to refute that and more.

Ahhh well. Be that as it may. I’ll continue to speculate, though, Proust said it quite well.

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

- Marcel Proust

BB Webb

The flavor of change and connection really. May 16, 2010

Curiously the number of readers of this blog are growing and I’m this morning wondering who you are? Where do you come from, what sparks your fancy?

I’m readying for an adventure….in about a week and a half, an adventure different from the day-to-day adventures that fill my life.

I’ll be going away….it’s a secret where, just because.

I had a former boyfriend, an endlessly tall man with a Romanesque nose that I adored, large hands and a body that could move like a sailboat in the wind. Yes, he could dance too and he introduced me to ‘The Cars’ and that’s pretty darn special.

This man taught me something I’ll never forget. (He also penned me ‘BB’ all those years ago). As an emotional Italian man, he shared,

‘you have to keep one part of yourself JUST to yourself….hold a place that no one can see, no one knows, not even your closest friend or lover.’

For as transparent as I am here or certainly with close, close friends, (not as much with family….black sheep thing and all), there is that place inside that really only me and I would imagine God know about. And we talk alot, God and me. He gets me….better than I get me really.

Wiley Pete needs no protected spot.

And I like having that protected spot. It’s an ‘allowing’ sort of place, it allows for expansion and that is ALWAYS what I crave.

So, I’ll be headed out awhile, a comely livestock ‘sitter’ tending the four footers and the two with gills. And I suspect all manner of things will twist and turn and bring me to some new places. And that’s exactly why I go away from time to time.

So, I’m readying the home front, getting the new team members at Carl House up to snuff, (cool expression though haven’t a CLUE where it came from. Perhaps you know).

So, if you are so daring, share a thought, an opinion here. I’d be delighted with some back and forth.

Petey at Large

And speaking of those private places, how hidden we can be behind our computers….ready, gleaning all manner of things ’round the Universe, in our jammies, sipping tea as we render thoughts or merely take in the PLETHORA of information available at certainly MY painted fingertips.

I’m raring for change….

And my kitties, sprawled out on the top of my sofa where I sit….Wiley Pete insistent on ‘kneading me’…I continue to gently push him aside, those pesky claws hurt, so he then leans on me and does that famous head butt. They like routine these furry ones, they like my company, to be fed regularly and to go in and out and in and out and to sleep on my clothes. Simple and lovely.

My world, it swirls about a bit more.

I relish positive change and connections to folks, all the stuff of adventuring about!

Soooo…..stay tuned…adventures and expansion afoot!

BB Webb